Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

depression, comes slowly... then, suddenly.

how long does it take, for -something- to heal, or what? i remember when i was small, i always slip and fall on the back of my head in my slippery kitchen. i'd bawl like a baby, cos i was that young. and grandma would come hurrying over and sayang my head, offering me that kind of empathy no one in the adulthood has been able to provide. and i got over it, enveloping myself in the nest of concern of a loving grandma.

the past year had been really hard for me. the rollercoaster of events took place in such a quick pace, i dont know if i have truly gotten over one and the next one came along. i often lie alone in my hotel rooms and stare into space, and think of all the things i went through, and how much it still hurts somewhere inside. and just as the tears start to well up in my eyes, i stop.

cos the one time i allowed myself to cry, i ended up feeling stupid, useless and tiny - after a few sobs. no one could be there to hold me, to tell me it will be alright, and to offer any form of empathy.

and then i thought about how i relate my eventful year to friends, i hadnt let on any hurt that is still in me, and sometimes, i laugh about them. and it reminds me of how i adapted to my 'art of falling down'. that instead of allowing myself to feel sorry that people are laughing at the way i fell or how clumsy i was or even to awkwardly shun away from the sympathy people try to offer; i laugh at it first, so that everyone will(might) be laughing with me, not at me.

and so i used the same method for getting by the hard times that i had. even to fi, sometimes i make humor of my hardships and make it seem nothing of them.

but as much as it really still hurts, i dont see any point in wallowing myself in self-pity and so i dont know how to talk about my pain, to anyone. and so i laugh and i smile and i joke and i......

really
feel
that
i
have
over-used
my
optimism
and
it
is
really
wearing
thin.

Sunday, March 22, 2009 at 1:26 AM

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