i imagine a home. simple, homey, sweet. me, and you. with maybe 2 kids max. weekends at the cinema, the restuarants, sentosa or maybe just some family time at home.
i imagine myself, 5 years from now, quitted my job. us, travelling once a year together, just us, visiting the world like we always say we would.
i imagine a lot of things, alone overseas.
overwhelmed by all that loneliness, AND sadness of being tossed around by insignificant many.
most importantly, i cant stop playing with the thought - the goodness of quitting after my 5yrs bond, with that bond money, get a little more rest.
i wish for simple life. in singapore.
and it's only, my 5th month at work.
i thinkknow i love you.“Sonnet XVII: Love”
Pablo Neruda
I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.
the reason why this post came so late, is because, i've been in and out of love too much more than i...dont feel ashame of - counting. my blog holds memory of so many declaration of love for and heartaches of lost of, one too many different persons; that makes me flinch at the thought of someone reading yet another post and go, 'again?'
and it doesnt help that i'm
your first. and if it's not
the only, i'll forever have tainted your love life, like how mine will forever be tainted by the one that dragged 6 years to nothing.
in all honesty, i had been in love the times i blogged about
what, but maybe i took things a little too seriously, always thought
that one would have lasted. i hate it when at some point or another i have to admit that my mom is right: dont take things so seriously, the relationship is still new, we're still young, blah blah blah.
and for a long while i was afraid my mom will be right again this time, that you're not worth my time; we're not for each other.
for too long, i was afraid of myself falling too hard all over again. i was afraid of admitting to the world(or rather, in my blog) how much i secretly do love you.
and so i posted of us, with no words but pictures. i leave it all to the world to judge. how very happy i've been with you. and perhaps(fortunately), that's all that matters to my friends anyway - that i am happy.
but now in words, i would like to pen in down in my blog, i'd like to thank you so much for being here with me, for loving me. thank you, for waking up in the middle of the night just to snuggle even closer to me; for kissing me gently without waking me before doing to class; for cooking me proper meals when i get home from work, sick of all the food abroad; for taking care of my laundry, even my undies; fod holding me when i cry with exhaustion and exasperation from the stress at work. for everything. for your love. i thank you.
and i, want you, need you, love you. with all my heart.