dearest all, i had a rather strange encounter with human relations stuff today-or whatever you'll call it. 2 new full-timers joined us the day before, one guy and one girl. i was wondering what is a guy doing at a cosmetics counter, i mean, which guy is really interested in cosmetics stuff unless he's halfway on the line or something? yet he looked very straight, especially with his specs on. sigh, then he had t go admit he's a gay. oh well, anyway, this isn't the strange encounter i wanted to talk about.
ya, so i got on pretty well with the new girl, let's call her X. ya, and she has the same name as this someone whom i was pretty close with once. so anyway, it's really such a small world(ok, more of like, such a small island). cos i found out she was from mass comm so i started asking if she knows good friend's "boyfriend", let's call my good friend C and her "boyfriend" K. and she told me she does and that K even started out liking her and everything. well, and she even told me how he almost like created a fan club for her with his friends or something-which i'm pretty sure i heard that but now i sort of wonder if my mind had drifted somewhere and imagined she said that line. but i am pretty sure i did not. cos once she told me how K had started out chaing after her and stuff, my brain immediately switched to alert mode, like a radar reading out signals. ok, of course i had to be really sure too if he's the K i was refering to.
i was getting kind of worried for C cos of her on-off relationship with K. and now X told me he had went after her before, i was all the more worried for C cos she told me he told her he had not chase after anyone other than C, herself. so what's this i'v e just found out. so i started digging for more. i mean, all i wanted to do was to learn what kind of person is K really like so i can in a way or another advise my dearest C. i really dont want her to be cheated or anything.
hmm.. then when i told C about my conversation with X, she was coincidently with K. so she ended up telling K what i had just told her right on the spot, then you know, stuff happened after one another. K got pretty upset i guess, didnt want his reputation tarnished or something so he called X to clarify. then X denied having told me those stuff. and C got back to me telling me what K had done and that X had denied this and that. that point of time i was kinda of angry at what happened. i mean, all i wanted to do was to try to alert C of what i've learnt, didnt expect the whole thing to balloon like this. secondly, i just got to know X and we clicked rather well, what would she think of me when she learnt that i just told my friend whatever stuff she told me and how do i explain to her the next day when i see her at work.
then.. much later, i came to realise that i was getting angry with a good friend over someone i barely know, over someone who might have lied to me just to boast or something, i dont know. i was feling pretty sad cos C and i just got closed again not long before, after a year plus of separation. ok, shall not dwell too much about here, so in the end, this thingy closed with perhaps, C and myself, still wondering whose words exactly we can trust.
ok, what's strange here. who exactly had lied? was it K cos he wanted to maintain a good impression of himself for C so he can go on with their on-off relationship. or was it X, but what's her intention? well, she didnt really have an intention here i guess, of maybe i have not found out. but i learnt that she'd probably lied to me that she has a bf of 7 years when in fact, according to K, her current bf is only 1yr plus.
why, i dont understand this dark dark side of human.
and myself, why did i actually get upset over this small thingy, like being afraid that i might not be able to explain to X. i didnt even have to, i mean, we are not even close or anything and ya, i barely know her.
yes blog, you're right. i probably am a real loser. no real close friends now except a boyfriend. perhaps i was even thinking of X as the former friend i had. i dont know. someone please get me out of my own shit. i hate being patronized by my own sorriness i'm always feeling for myself. i hate being friendless, lifeless, argh!
ok, i do have friends. lots of them. but no one close enough to make me feel like pouring everything out to, even C.. i just feel the gap, still left unfilled. i probably have alot more catching up to do with her.
ya, peeps, ever feel like holding on to your hp, with a long list of phone no. in your directory, yet no specific anyone you can really call? i do. ever meet sleepless nights thinking of the close friends you once had and pridelessly msged them and getting cold replies then crying yourself stupidly to sleep? i do. ever feel like a loser all alone in the whole with only a boyfriend to stand by you on bad times, and becoming over boyfriend-dependent and eventually insecure of anything, everything? i do.
someone please, fly me away. bring me with you to happy land.
i logged on my com meaning to blog a long entry bout faye's concert, my mom's constant fucking barks, how i'm feeling bout aunt joyce n what have i... ended up playing minesweeper for half an hour and i've absolutely no mood to blog any long now. catch up soon. night peps..
oh and whoever linked me, pls let me know. i'm trying to minimise the traffic into my blog now. thnks. n xinyu, yeah, cya soon. come visit me when u'r free babe!