this is an entry left incomplete for ages... i'm extracting it to complete it for another issue.
Below is extracted from my dear jamie's blog:
25 February 2005Have you?Have you ever felt that everything was going wrong?
No matter how you din mean them to?
Have you ever felt like everything was all your fault?
That you're to blame for it all?
Have you ever felt like that world was so horrible cos of you? That you wished you were never born? Have you ever felt the pain that pierces you when you see others upset
and it seems like it's all your fault but not really so? Have you ever hated yourself for being so selfish especially when you din realise it? Have you ever wished that you could turn back time
and make all the bad thing never happen? Have you ever told God that you'll do anything (yesh.. i mean anything) to take the pain all away? Have you ever cried as though you wouldn't stop for that one that you loved? Have you ever wished you wouldn't be loved so you wouldn't be hurt by love? And have you ever thought of them 24 hours 7 days a week praying for them? well, i have.. and itz not a good thing.. sigh.. -princessfor all of the above, i have.and i used to think that i'm alone.
yes, and i especially didnt expect anyone as sweet, as innocent, as nice as jamie would have gone through the same.
i'm not saying that jamie is that saintly of course, she's just very, very nice.
like i wouldnt expect her to wish that she's never been born or think that every(or any) bad things that happen would be her fault.
and it's very very hard to ever imagine jamie as selfish.
but anyway, let's get on before this entry become a full page advertisement for jamie and then, she'll hafta start paying me.
(or maybe i could so she should and i can get a new source of income!)
okok..
well, her entry got me thinking of heaps of stuff.
good and bad.
like the most recent issue..
sulyn, i wana say, i'm really sorry for what has happened.
truly understand how you must have felt..
-there you were, trying to help, then(thought that) you got your own cousin told off plus a series of unpleasent events and what nots...-
i'm sorry about the stuff you've to go through cos of what had happened.
but i really wish to tell you, a big part of it is spurred from -honest- misunderstandings.
i'd better not go into that again, before we get into another round of debate..
and get people who are not involved in the first place, involved.
sigh, let's just say, i'll bite on to the fact that i meant what i said in a joking manner, even if i were to fall into my grave one day.
and 10 years of friendship, you say.
i treasure that. yes.
and hopefully, it wouldnt go down the drain.
and for all the 'i haves'..
my pride does go down the drain.