vera in context.
vera's johari
(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!)
ARIES WOMAN
>>
>>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal
>>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things
>>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even
>>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one.
>>She
>>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for
>>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed.
>>
>>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This
>>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face
>>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up,
>>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing
>>or mixture of character.
>>
>>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She
>>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize
>>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will
>>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other
>>people
>>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in
>>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing,
>>nothing will stop her.
>>
>>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another
>>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty
>>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek.
>>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold
>>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she
>>choose you, she will need to be proud of you.
>>
>>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is
>>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She
>>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also
>>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance
>>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do
>>not
>>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love.
>>
>>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come
>>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth
>>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even
>>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident"
>>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you
>>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time.
>>
>>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent
>>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a
>>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most
>>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and
>>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her
>>beautiful
>>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan.
>>
>>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high
>>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will
>>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself
>>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure.
>>
>>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is
>>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person,
>>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing
>>it.
i want/i need.
air. love. food. air. air. air.
this must be the lousiest day ever in this lousy month of august.
morning started out with parents not being able to fetch me to school, but ok, it's not all that bad cos i'm not that pampered anyway and i got to get to school with tk.
then..was a little late for school but lecture started, just when i walked into the lecture theatre, with agnes scolding us because of the complains she got from our field practical. and i got to know that one of the complains was made about D, who was absent again.
well, nvm, i told myself not to cross the boundary again and let it pass. until the problem of the grouping of the music test for curriculum studies came up.
i suppose the confusion of the grouping started out like this:
yy the blur queen submitted the list of names of the group members in her group, including our names(D and i) in the list as she didnt know that nurul n lin had already formed group with some 1b02 people, plus, not knowing that 1b02 fellas also submitted a list as well. so the 2 lists was like this:
yy's submission - yw(me), D, nurul, lin, yy, natasha
1b02 fella's submission - nurul, lin, yy, natasha n another 2
so naturally a repetition of names, and D n i didnt even know what was going on. the 1b02 people went to belinda and got nurul, lin, yy n natasha's out of our group today, and thus left D n me alone-groupless.
cant blame them of cos, they had their group made up way before everything else, naturally they want to be in the same group after all. as much as i was confused how D n i ended up in their group, i jus took for granted that i do have a group cos we told jenn to jus put us in any group-well, until today.
so anyway, belinda asked that D n i jus get into any other group that has only got 6members. that was really difficult cos the B classes have a total of 43students, and to divide us into groups of 6s and 7s, is really difficult. we hafta have 5 groups of 6 and a group of 7 to achieve that. and at that point of time, there were only 3 groups with 6members and 4 students who still do not have a group. i got into a group easily cos i joined the group that asked me to join them at in the very beginning. then i was worried that a certain someone, who was absent today, will be devastated to find out when she comes back to school the next day that she's the only one without a group and the test is on wed(mind you). so i went to the other 2 groups who has got 6 members and asked if they mind D joining. both groups later told me that they want the other 2 girls to join them instead. so D really doesnt have a group then.
then, we had 6groups of 7 and a student with no group. i got really worked up, especially with belinda cos i thought she was being really difficult about the grouping, couldnt understand why she had to place to much emphasis on the number of members in the group and not just the ned product. and a couple of times, i sensed that belinda was running away from problems. i mean, she's a lecturer right? how can she be doing that? who do we go to then??
i got to a point where i was so frustrated i broke into angry tears. shredding tears for a problem that should even be of my concern. dumb and silly.
can you see the problem?? initially when i approached belinda with the problem, she just wanted us to, by any means, form 5 groups of 6 and a group of 7. meaning to say, the then-current groups hafta break up again just to form another group just for D. this isnt any of D's fault, it could have been anyone else, but who would ever want to get out of their comfort zone for another one person?? and asyura was all for asking lin, nurul and yy to breakout of their group from the 1b02 ppl cos she thinks if we stay within our own class, then all problems will be solved for us. but i really was against it cos by forcing the 3 out of their group, they'll feel that it's unfair and everything and there'll be consentment in our class.
approached belinda again and this told her straight in the face how i felt towards the how situation. negotiated with the help of everyone else and in the end let her agree to allow us to have a group of 8members, with D in our group.
though the issue seems to be over, i started wondering how can D just decide not to come to school at all?? doesnt she know that our group-take it for the former one, still hasnt come up with anything for the upcoming test on wed. isnt she concerned at all??
smsed her to ask her why she wasnt here, like honestly cos i really couldnt bring myself to believe in her mc excuses anymore. (i'm sorry if she was truly ill.) but she didnt reply me. frankly, i will feel alot better if she'll just reply me and tell me the truth, even if she's truly ill. at least i see that all the effort was worth it. but she didnt. i really dont know what to make out of it.
okay, that's for that. and anyone would think that after going through all that for a friend/classmate, you will be more blessed or something like that. (haha..) well, guess what, i lost my wallet in the bus! and it contains the whole of my next month's allowance, new bus concession and tk's ezlink as well. oh, and yes, my makeover passport pics. lol.. and i realised i lost my wallet just right after the bus drove away. chased after the bus for like 3 stops till i just collapsed and cried, cos each time i almost reach the bus stop, the fucking bus has to drive away. and mind you, i havent run like that for ages! my legs still feel rather jellied now..
i seriously think someone had me cursed or something. totally shitified, hope i can just drop dead.
Monday, August 30, 2004 at 8:55 PM
Y Y Y
tried the whole of last night and the whole of this morning plus early afternoon to get this fab pic in nessa's n my priv blog. darn.. such a pain!
jamie's so sweet. thnks! =)
Sunday, August 29, 2004 at 2:09 PM
Y Y Y
on yesterday.. it was so fun, it's tiring.
sentosa trip with tk's class was really great, they're a bunch of really easy people, nice-going and friendly..
met up with them at front mrt at 10plus.. waited around for hanting the highness till bout 11plus, then headed for cold storage to stock up. 4 whole chickens to be shared among 13-of which, 11 tough guys who looked like they can globble a cow, 1 glutton of a girl who can eat a farm and another girl whose diet is still unknown. piled on the chips i never get around to and 4 bottles of drinks i had to lug all the way to sentosa without a kind soul offering his assistance. thank you very much.
acted like some sentosa tour guide(feelin pro, lol.. ), which i only have diana to thank for cos of those sentosa trips every week, making me so familiar with the stuff there.
palawan beach was where we hit, on the lousiest spot on the whole big beautiful area cos the guys wanted the space for soccer. soaked myself silly, under the sun, in the sea. someday my skin's gonna pay, i swear.
laughing myself nuts over those guys' silly humor and embarrassing myself as usual in a game of volleyball and monkey. now they know having a tan doesnt mean you're really sporty. lol..
particularly love the company of kah boon, interesting poor thing who has been deprived of sentosa trips all these years. he made me laughed the hardest too.
and of cos, tk my dearest one. who got me there in the first place and never fail to let me enjoy my day, making it the best day i've for weeks. another reason to remind me how much i love you.
next came 45mins monorail ride around the island cos this san ba lao-"mountain guy" had never been on it and really thought the ride costs $20. all the excitement from one guy is enough to get everyone to accompany him through a boring 45mins ride.
tk n me and sofan n nad left after the ride, while the rest headed for musical fountain, which i can visualise how kahboon's gonna gawk at it.
met jeanne in town and got tickets for secret window at 9.30pm. great show, expertly plotted i must say. truly the work of stephen king, the one whose writing i have never like yet came out with stories i'm so intrigued with.
home to a mood rottened by her entry, which honestly isn't her fault. slept at 3plus am even though my resolution on my way home was to drop dead as soon as i get home.
morning came and body is aching of yesterday's craze. and skin feeling dried and tight, i hate it.
how can fun ever be just fun?
uploaded new photos folder on yesterday's trip. laughed myself silly, once again.
yet another temporary happiness.
Y Y Y
read ur thing btw u n tt diana
then..?
mayb u might b concerned but i think u mite hv taken it too far
u know wat im saying?
smtimes u react w/o thinkin n ur choice of words jus so killer u know
ya... i guess...
not gg to patch things up wit her?
ya.. i thought so too..
i really duno...
next time b careful la
e worst is blog fights
how to patch up now?
apologize?
think i'm crazed.
shit.
now i feel so lousy
i think she mite b feelin worst
out of nowhere ppl attack her like
haha
ya.. u seen her blog, her entry..?
i jus got to it. feel so crappy now.
i hate friendships. it gets so complicated. can i ever be alone??
i should jump off a building n die
you know what's your prob?
cuz u cant find ppl u can click wit in poly n u hv this one considerably gd fren n u expect her to b everything, listen to everything, understand everything, etc.
mayb ur not gg her a chance to breathe?
can we be friends forever? i tell u first? i know how i'm like, you know it too. if i ever make u upset again, jus treat me like i'm mad n ignore me-first. dont permanently kick me out.. k?
i'm feeling really sorry, yet not ready. at one hand, i feel like retaliating towards the stuff she said about me which i dont agree with, yet i dont know how to make her understand. on the other, i did really hurt her and if i retaliate, i'm probably gonna be stuck in some blog fight nessa mentioned.
i truly cared, but i guess i couldnt see myself crossing the limits. i failed to see the boundary there should have been there, and am sorry about it. i caused all the unpleasant feeling in myself and then take it out on you.
"He who seeks a friend without fault remains without."~ Old Turkish Proverb i honestly didnt. i chose the way stuff is in my life, by my own will. not a clause of anything.
Y Y Y
on a lighter note..
even though this week hadnt been a very good week-yet, i feel pretty light-hearted now..
possibly cos of tk's comforting in the bus jus now, i feel so much at ease now. and i guess possibly putting down what i felt towards her, also plays a part.
oh and yes, something to look forward to tomorrow! sentosa trip with dearing tk and his class, followed by movies with jeanne. pray hard that i'll enjoy myself tmr!
sorry nessa, really missed you and looking forward to meet ya but i already have plans tmr.. *sigh* promise to make it up on sunday yup!! swim swim swim!! =D
oh and yes, jamie.. i know you're shocked at my previous entry for di. that is just me. i say what i frankly feel about anyone about anything. if he/she feels that i've wronged him/her, prove me wrong-stand up to me. but if he/she feels that i'm right, change then forget bout the whole issue and we can still be great friends. if it doesn affect him/her, then he/she's probably someone whom i shouldnt even care about in the first place. i'm a very in-your-face kinda person. so it's either u like me or u don't. but if one treats me right, he/she has got a friend for life.
Friday, August 27, 2004 at 11:43 PM
Y Y Y
"huh? i really wouldn't think she's in such financial state if you hadnt tell me man. she seems like she's quite well-to-do leh.."
"hey, do you know where's she?? why isnt she here for the lesson?"
"aiyo.. why never persuade or talk to her?"
it's so bloody none of my business you know. but people make me answerable for your irresponsibilities.
examples of 101 facts on someone who takes things for granted:
-her daily dosage of green tea and fries and (newly discovered) little indulges on gadgets n garbage can probably return the money she owes her FRIENDS.
-she takes "it's ok, just take ur time to return." as permanent generousity.
-lies, lies n lies.
-skips lessons whenever she's on "i jus dont want to go to class" mode, her fees are fully subsidised anyway ma..
-wears revealing tubes and halters to tuition just cos she thinks the parents havent say anything-yet.
-dragging the mambo bag her friend lent her on the floor like a dirt-soiled brandless bag.
i dont mean to be cruel/mean/"such a prick". and i'm not picking a fight with you either. you made me so mad at you i just hafta blow. and i hate it and have had of it.
stop behaving like a kid, will you. i'm not talking about the sunshine, cheerful front you always have but the way you act and behave to the stuff around you and, happening to you. not sure what i'm talking about?
c'mon, you know more than i do what kind of financial status you're in. i dont see why you can indulge on those childish innecessities AND not cherishing a job thrown onto your doorstep. whatever you do, fun comes first. i asked you if u can tutor on sat/sun. you said no. and i know why, sat n sun are your fun days. and for goodness sake, you're going for a tuition, throw on some proper clothes! the agency told the parents that you've experience and everything, even if it's all lies, they helped you get a job, couldn't you have put in more effort for yourself??
okay, forget it. my entry can probably run a million pages long if i dont stop. but i realised, no point me telling you how i feel anymore. it's infutile. you'll never really get it into your head, always see that you're still right one way or another, giving reasons and excuses for yourself. dont come msging me that you're sorry and thanks for letting you know this or that anymore unless you really mean it. cos u'd probably show me how right you're, in the beat around the bush way, when the tide calms down. dont think i dont know-i know.
and for now, stay away from me. let everyone know that we're
Not that close as they think. i dont want to care no more for someone who isn't worth my concern and takes me for granted.
need a word with more impact?
well, fuck off. and i really mean it this time.
Y Y Y
and so
blue it shall be!
i'm blue DJ... fer tarnishing your reputation without meaning too...
why do people always seem to judge other through another's words? couldnt they have understood that whatever i said was cos i was angry, and may well be merely words of anger? i feel so sorry towards her. i'm just someone who speaks my mind without thinking much and to whoever was there.. sigh..
actually i do understand why they had judged through my eyes, i just dont understand why do people do that. isn't that unfair? and they hadnt even did any assignment with her yet, how could they have just taken my words for granted?
hmm.. maybe they trusted me? then i shouldnt have told putri that i was angry that they didnt trust my word tha she'll be responsible. to think of it, it's just kinda contridicting for them?
sigh, just me mysef and my big mouth la.
blue blue Di...
Tuesday, August 24, 2004 at 7:58 PM
Y Y Y
Horoscope for 12 august:
This is a good day to stay close to home, YIWEN. Short-distance travel could result in delays due to traffic jams or construction, or both; long journeys might bring delays in taking off, horrendous lines at the ticket counter, or misplaced luggage. There's also a chance that when you arrive at your destination, no one will be there to meet you! Wait a few days before going anywhere. If you must run errands nearby, walk!
applause for this horoscope thingy.
this entry is so dedictaed to you: DIANA J.
will you pls wake up?! stop being in your own freaking-oh-i-just-lost-a-boyfriend-and-cant-get-on-with-life world! look at you, how many times have you missed classes this week, or should i say from the start of school? and dont give me the sigh-i-am-so-sick-i-cant-get-out-of-bed-but-the-next-day-i'm-so-ready-for-beach crap. it's not like i dont want to believe you, but how?! and i hate liars whom i supposedly trusted. okay, enough of skipping classes, let's get on with other stuff like your great socail ettique.
scene 1: you said you're facing lotsa financial problems and that you need a job badly. so stupid-nothing-better-to-do me, went to all that trouble to get Loreal's no. for you to call and you tell me you called once but it didnt get through and stop trying.
"how long ago was that last call?"
"oh, 3weeks." -smile-
okay, flick you ya?? if you cant even go to the trouble of putting more effort for yourself, i dont see why i should even have helped you in the first place. and dont give me the stupidest reason on earth:" if it's not mine, then it's not. i guess i'll just hafta sit around for opportunities to come." let me tell you what's not you, you're totally not responsible for -anything-
scene 2: you called to tell me you need me to print some project stuff for you -urgently- and that you want to drop by my place to print it before we meet up with the girsl at harbour front at 10am. so i made myself get up at 8.30 to be ready for miss-princess-who-doesnt-turn-up. and 9.15 you can msg me that "meet at sentosa ok"-cos you overslept at your EX-bf's house. wow, now i see how important and urgent your project is to you. ok, i told myself it's ok and msg you that i'll meet you at harbour front at 10.30am instead. reached there, met up with dear gwen and we waited around for your highness again but you told us you'll be late. so we said nvm, meet you in sentosa instead. and that was 10.45am.
11am
11.30am
12pm
12.30pm
now, where's our dear princess?
"where you?"
"oh, in bed.."
did i hear a round of applause? yeah, i think i did.
and what time did Diana arrived? just when we got ready to leave. and did she even apologise? no. cos you know what? she's got this "i'm not in any wrong" face on. she's always got it. always thinks she's right, never wrong. when people tell her bout it, she gets defensive over it without even trying to understand.
i'm so pissed with you i can just cry. initially i wanted to call you up and ask to talk about this but you hang up on me cos you're so, soOo busy with your EX-bf's departure. well, fine. take it the hard way then. if you only take me for a friend who accompanies you around and lend you lots, and not listening to what i've got to say, well, i really dont need someone like you.
BOO!
and i was such a deluded maron. me.
Friday, August 13, 2004 at 12:17 PM
Y Y Y
horoscope says...
You may have been spreading yourself a bit thin lately, YIWEN. Your physical and mental energy may be dragging as a result. Today, make a list of what is absolutely essential in your life. Take the attitude that what isn't absolutely essential is absolutely unnecessary, and let it fall to the wayside. You will feel as if a ten-ton weight has been lifted off your shoulders. In the evening: relax with a glass of wine and a great video.
okay, here's what's essential in my life:
TK(haha, like my air-smelly though),family minus mom-for now,friends like...nessie,diana,wk,sf,my studies,my granny,my stickers and chocolates,my6230,my lappy..oh dear...
and they're the stuff that has been draining me out. okok, honestly, not the part on my studies and my granny. *ashamed* i missed my granny and i'm neglecting schoolwork. (nessie, after the bikinis tmr, no more town till...wed?)
sf, i found the words, i can choose to be alone yet i fear loneliness. still, it's contradicting.
Monday, August 09, 2004 at 10:37 PM
Y Y Y
oh a lighter note, i'm soOo happy last night. met up with nessie. so comical, so like a dream..
Friday, August 06, 2004 at 12:51 PM
Y Y Y
i'm pissed with you. i am.
this entry is dedicated to you
i remember that you said that people's opinion of you matters only if he/she is close to you.
i dont know if that means i'm not in a position to make any comments about you
but whatever.
i think you're really
.:self centred:.
will you pls wake up from your world?!! being forgetful/blur is not a reason for anything-at all. it's not like it's a nice trait and you've to be known for it. and listen up when people's talking cos it's only fair since we do listen up whenever you're yakking away about your stuff. and it's always the same stuff. not that i'm getting bored with your speech or anything i just dont feel it's fair.
and pls dont ask me why i didnt ask whoever to go wherever. i asked you, not him/her. if you dont want to go, just say so. dont beat around the bush or whatever. and i know very well myself who i want to go with, so thank you.
**phew phew**
if this hurts you, i'm sorry. but you upset me too, and i just thought you should know bout it. and this is not bitching, absolutely not. and if you know who you, feel free to tell me whatever i'm bothering you about.
Y Y Y