kan dan yi qie, fo ze ying ci men men bu le.
看淡一切,否則你會因此悶悶不樂。i've 2 choices.
both, i dont deserve.
and having this ability to be making the choice, i dont deserve either.
maybe cos i'm the braviest of us 3, i'm weighed with the responsibility to make the choice.
cos both choices takes a lot of gut.
here's the catch.
brave, but not brave enough to walk away from both choices.
(and another catch.)
which can also mean, having no guts to make a choice, thus choose to run away.
all choices will mean that someone's going to get hurt.
it doesnt matter if i do anymore, honestly.
but i know too much; felt too much, to kid myself that there's only gonna be one sad party(excluding me) in the whole mess.
both choices inevitably will have this ghost that is going to haunt.
to seek my own happiness, and that of the other,
by sacrificing another innocent's happiness.
will there really be happiness under such circumstances?
i'm 22 today.
it doesnt mean much in numbers, really.
i want to say, i'd grow up, i'm already 22; be brave, be mature, walk away, walk on, by myself.
i want to say, life's so short, i'm still only 22; be selfish, be fair only to myself, step in and dont think about anyone or anything else.
i want to say, be an adult, mask myself, act out a life, for the sake of everyone else.
either ways, will i able to ever forgive myself?
it'll be the birthday i'll remember for the rest of my life.
still dont know what i'm talking about?
think about warlords.
yes, the part where the girl fell for the 'brother'.
yes, the part too where the 'brother' fell for her.
and yes cassan, you told me she's a bitch, a slut.
(now you know why i wanted to speak up for her.)
no doubt i do not feel any bit short of being either.
it was supposed to be a secret not to be told.
to be buried, not recognised and let it just slip away.
at least till the day when i finally decide i want to stop trying for the current.
there were no intentions of building the secret into bigger, fatter lies.
there was just a sincere compromise that in years to come,
if things were to change,
if feelings are the same,
then there might be a consideration of what happens next.
but, what happens when someone were to find out,
just when things were recognised,
and quickly resolved?
my 22nd birthday.
i finally truly learn that there's no such things as living a life for myself.