Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

i, the inhumane heartless creature, not.

it shitlessly scares me, how last night happened and i couldnt even cry nor feel anything significant; and my only worry - though vast but nothing compares to that of the many other issues i have on hand, is my schoolwork.

it scares me that i couldnt feel sadness nor regret nor concern. it scares me that puffing away on the indon heavy fag doesnt even make me cough. it scares me that for once, i really truly have no care for what people thinks about me - that for once it is not cos i want to hold that principle of never answering to anyone else but myself; but cos i simply couldnt. this emptiness really scares me.

but most importantly, i felt i should stop feeling sorry for myself, the things i did, and caused; and focus on areas like my schoolwork where the result will be more satisfying and concrete.

and so, i asked.

verarara.
do u think i'm really inhumanely heartless?
fi
u r not,u r strong
fi
i was,am,and will always be in wonder of ur emotional strength
fi
it is something i must emulate,to be worthy
fi
but it pains that im easily wrecked,all the false presumtions of me being tough
verarara.
i really love it that you know me so well, that you read me so well. i mean, despite me being an open book, a lot couldnt see the person i am. but you can.

and it really amazes me. how when i try so hard to have people to understand me, to know me; they might or might not still. but the one time i didnt try at all, he still understands me.

this is what drew me to him. not fancy wordsplay nor sweet-loving time showered on me, but 'tht we touch each other beyond physical means'; just simply by talking. that we are so different - him so closed-up on his thoughts and feelings to others because he finds strengths in securely hiding his weaknesses, and me so open and loud about everything because i find strength in the ability of laughing at my weaknesses. yet so similar - him opening up to only me because i'm the only one who can open him, and my ability to tell him about the darker, deeper stuff that i have slyly kept despite being so open.

Oh-oh, yes we're the great pretenders.
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell
Oh-oh, yes we're the great pretenders
Just laughin' and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown

but still, every now and then, i still feel the ache of throwing away the possibility of a comfortably easy and bright future; and that of hurting someone i do love, so horridly.

Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 1:27 PM

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