my own closure.this is a reply from a new
friend:
'i tend to believe the worse in people, unless proven otherwise. so i dont get disappointed. so i believe that even after 20 years, if they really did you wrong, and if they are still the people i know them to be, they wont say sorry or admit they're wrong. they'll just avoid. cos that's what they're good at. and for the people i've wronged? i'd be embarrassed to see them again. i'd say hi, but there'll never be a happy ending. i'm not pessemistic or anything. it's just facts of life. gotta face it.'
after i said something like, how it'll be nice when 10-20yrs down the road, people who has disappointed or upsetted us in any way, see us somewhere, walk up to us and say sorry and continue the friendship from there.
(i believe i say much more than these but i cant seem to contact
her in any way to get hold of the message i sent
her.)
and i believe i'll do what i've said cos that was just what i did the other day at taka. saw 3girls in the toilet, 2 of which, i shared a drama with and the 3rd i still see her around in school. it was an awkward moment for me, deciding inside whether to say hi. in the end, i did. and i even apologised to one of the girls.
the thing is, i believe everything has a good thing in them. no matter what. even if stuff might end on a sour note now, i'm sure in time, something will happen or either party make a move and everything will be fine.
though i still dont really think that i'm entirely at fault for whatever happened between me and the 2 girls, i believe good relationship with anyone is more important than weighing who is right or wrong. after all, how long have we spent knowing each other and how long have we really been wrong?
so, i must say, i feel pretty good knowing that that's one less friends-turned-strangers situation.
as for him.
i believe one day we will have a good talk and a good laugh about everything that's happened between us.
i do need answers to the questions screaming inside me but now is not the time and pressing him for them is just gonna turn things uglier.
and now, i need to do more(or is it less) to salvage whatever pride that's left in me.
oh, btw, there's something else bothering. i dont know if i'm being over-sensitive or what. but it'll be a real shame if people just stop talking cos the source of the spark of conversations died. i've put in my effort and it's not in any way an excuse for anything else but a pure friendship, so i'll leave that as that. i definitely wont go begging for a one either. but boy, will i be disappointed if that's the end of it.