Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

all at once.
another thing to be feeling good about yesterday was that i controlled myself and got myself to think straight than let my emotions get the better of me.
what happened was that i found the cards i gave lying anywhere. few weeks ago, when i saw the goodie bag thing i gave for the wisdom tooth extraction, lying in the living room, i was like... hm, maybe what i did wasnt all that nice lah, that's why it's not all that "treasured".
but when i saw where the cards were, it was just disheartening. like not appreciated at all.
and with all the mess in the room, it sure seems like, you know one day, it'll just be one of those other things that collect dust there. and i can hear you go, it's somewhere in here, i cant find it though.
maybe it's cos when someone has got everything in life, they dont treasure the small things that much.
or maybe it's cos. argh, i dowana think along that line.

right then i felt like walking out of that door as invited.

i could have just made a deal out of it. but i didnt. i really cherish this and i decided i wont just blow it over something which i might see that it's just a small matter when i'm in a better state of mind. so i collected myself and left with a feigned cheery mood. and in the bus, i msged that i insisted there's no need to send me off cos that'll give you extra time for taking bus instead of wasting money on taxi-ing to timble later. and that it'll make me feel good if my cards are kept properly.

all that said in good words and i felt good after that too. like i was in control of my own feelings.

i just read something said by kate hudson the day before:

'i had such a great pregnancy. i was so happy the whole time. it was just heaven. i thought that the transition from being pregnant to having the baby was going to be so easy.
here i come home with a little baby, and because i had c-section i was in bed for about a week and a half. and every fear that i spent my short life trying to get rid of, well, they just came back like a hundredfold. all of a sudden i was scared.
mortality came up. i could never die, chris(her husband) couldnt die, he cant leave me, nobody can touch my child. i was crying everyday. it wasnt depression. i was just overwhelmed with so much love and intensity. you're never ready for it.
then a week later that was all over. chris said we're going to go pick up food. i stumbled to the car; i was still in a lot of pain.
i got out and looked around and went, oh yes, the world moves forward. life is still happening all around. come out of the bubble.
then it just got better and better, every second and every day.'

and it felt... i dunno. i guess i cant really compare relationship to pregnancy but i guess the meaning of everything is pretty much the same? i cant just get myself upset and stuck on a particular something in the relationship and forget that the world's still moving. and that there are so many other things in life i can be happy about than bing sour over that one thing.
but the thing is, it's just so awfully hard when in relationship. everything works differently cos the mind tells you one thing and the heart tells you another and you end up doing a totally different thing too.

*edit. i need to change. i've been thinking way too much and stressing everyone, especially myself, out. if it's that no good, i would have walked out already.

Sunday, November 05, 2006 at 11:27 PM

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