i want to remember to remember to forget you forgot me.no tanning, so char and i headed to bugis for her shopping spree. after much envy and temptation and contemplation, ok maybe no contemplation, i fell prey to spurging 30bucks on topshop undies. now i've new undies for christmas. whoopeedoo! *roll eyes*
and then it was Saw3 with crystal love and sarah hon. and the cousin-sisters-chopsticks-pair, sam n san, who left even before the show end lor. wah, triple S. machiam...ok, never mind. *sniggers*
anyway, i've finally achieve my ideal weight, after like...2years? i think much thanks go to santarina job which had me walking 3hours in heels, almost everyday. i'm burning lots of calories, even from taking pictures and (especially)acting cheerful. unlike sarah, all that she's get to 'burn calories from, are her fingers', as she puts. and she put on triple times at the rate she's snacking. hallelujah.
oh, pictures to prove. haha. i think i'm getting way too self-obsessive.
oh and since i'm at the santarina pictures...
i think jo did a way better job than me. haha. and it sure helps that the sausage in her picture is all shiny and...red. wahaha!
oh and i've special thanks to char... for making efforts in keeping me occupied on my off day today so that i dont... ah well, you all know it. thanks a million flying pretty hearts hon!!! and she offered me this. ah, i haven feel so 'sweeten' for some time! =) =)
a little something to have you laugh.
i was fagging alone outside lido, waiting for crystal when these 3 not-bad-looking angmos walked by. and one of them said,
'hey you babe. alone arent you? wanna join us?'
i laughed and said,
'uh, no thanks. i saw you picking your nose.'
his friends laughed out loud and he said,
'uh well. alright then!'
i told you i never like them. and i live up to my promise in some entries back to humiliate them if any ever do the cocky approach to me again.
3 cheers for that!
Thursday, November 30, 2006 at 11:23 PM
Y Y Y
no matter how prepared, you can still be taken by surprise.all that lala mood for sentosa trip has melt away ever since the clouds decide to pour bucketful of cold water on our plans. pfft!
so i headed to novena sq for lunch with some loves instead and while i was there, it was all sunny and yummy! and char's declaration that it still hasnt rain got me hoping that it might just be another false alarm, so we decided to carry on with our tanning plans.
'walao eh, look so cloudy but until now still dont rain. want rain just rain lah!'
'knn, i wanna stay at tpy lah. novena n tpy is one whole stretch of brighty yummy sunshine and serangoon looks like king kong is falling down can!'
and... it started raining cows and buffaloes when i was walking home to get the gear for tanning. thank you very much.
oh but it was pretty...funnily idiotic. i started running home from the bus stop and since my slippers wouldnt cooperate in the rain, i had to go barefooted. and god-knows-from-where, poddy started playing the original version of the stupid 'mai-ah-hee-mai-ah-hoo' song and i dont know what struck me, i felt this adrenalin rushing in and i ran even faster and even started laughing and singing to myself. it felt pretty good for awhile cos i've been feeling like running till my lungs burst for quite some time, whenever i start feeling a little...emo-ish. and i've always always want to play in the rain! so i got both today and all drenched, i vomited when i got home. wahaha.
and all that rush had me running up that lane i've been avoiding for 3weeks, without quite meaning to. i almost drop down on the ground to cry in the rain and envelop myself in all that emo-drama when i saw memories of us pushing and playing with each other while walking up the lane, just a month back; but i didnt. i stood by the corner where
we always kiss and part, for a teeny little while, and carry on running.
I leave myself about, slatternly,
bits of me, and times I liked:
I let them go on lying where
they fall, crumple, if they will,
I know fine how to make them walk
and breathe again. Sometimes at night,
or on the train, I dream I’m dancing,
or lying in someone’s arms who says
he loves my eyes in French, and again
and again I am walking up your road,
that first time, bidden and wanted,
the blossom on the trees, light,
light and buoyant. Pull yourself
together, they say, quite rightly,
but she is stubborn, that girl,
that hopeful one, still walking.
Y Y Y
how deluded. ah yes, probably so.like how this old woman kept smiling and smiling to me in the train and i thought maybe she thinks i'm good to be her grand-daughter-in-law or something then to realise oh she probably wants my seat.
like how i bite in my tongue really hard thinking it's part of the yumyumness of the fishball then to cry out loud.
like how i caught this guy looking at me and then telling his friend something and i thought they were checking me out then to realise, much later, that there's this big ice cream stain on my shirt.
like how i glared at this humsup-looking uncle who kept staring and staring at my boobs area then to realise i was wearing a wordy tees.
like how i have a way of constantly deleting my people-who-viewed-my-profile records just to see just how many times he visits my profile and stupidly thinking maybe. just maybe.
ah well. i know how pathetic i sound. but wouldnt you admit you have got your times too? =)
ooh. i'm rejoicing at the sunny sunshine! keep it up till we reach sentosa and get a good-oh-tan pretty please!
Y Y Y
i get a kick from being mean in friendster.it sounds pretty sick but i get a kick from thinking of funny and bitchy replies. the ones that simply say 'hi care to be friends', i just totally ignore cos there's no fun in bitching a reply. i guess it'll be really fun if there's someone who can have me lift an eyebrow with a kickass-smart reply.
and if all he/she can muster is a 'fuck you, you bitch.' i'll think i've definitely scored a full hundred for pissing him/her off.
i dont know what's with this mean-ass thing. but i'm getting sick of how superficial it can get in this whole frienster-world thing, and i'm sick of knowing new guys(through whatever form of medium), really(at least for now).
of cos i do have a couple of friends i make through friendster-messaging. i guess everything kinda sums up to how interesting and low-key in 'wanting a friendship', the initial message is. some people's messages, give off this nice vibe you want to constantly receive from, like jo. some people's messages, you just hit the immediate delete button cos the thought of what actullay sparked the message irks you.
i have half the mind of deleting my account yet another half to maintain it nicely so i get thrills from seeing that
he's viewed me, again. but of cos, i know, it's another part of this superficial thing at work.
oh and the ones who's got a gf and still send me a smile...i'm considering if i should forward to message to their gfs. what do you think? haha. courting trouble. it's damn sick to see couples all so lovey-dovey in pictures, you feel like smiling for them, but you never will cos you know how that guy is like.
anyway, just for fun:
from a girl:
'hey missy...you look shunning...your smile, love it! do i have the chance to be your friend?'
-you'll be on the pending list as soon as you allow people to view your profile.
and whatever shunning is.
guy1:
'yOz. erm... do i knw you?'
-if you know me you know me. how would i know if you know me or not. dont ask stupid questions.
oh, do you know cliche by the way?
guy2:
'Hiee..Im fadz..Wat ur name??'
-oh, i know you've a name. why would you still want mine?
'Well..ive gt mine..Im sure u had urs..'
-no, i still have it.
'Obviously..its 4ever..at least'
-what? you building puzzles with words?
guy3:
'hi babe!
u got a gorgeous sweet smile
mind to know ya
*wink'
-mind.
p.s facial spasm?
guy4:
'hey
add me on msn?
mailto:***@yahoo.com.sg-why.
guy2 again:
'Hey der..
U r sexy in e outfit!..
CAn i make a Xmas wish
*Keep on smiling* ;)'
-thank you. please try again.
ah... must be the still life i'm having. maybe tonight will brighten it up.
and did i mention? i'm guilty of being superficial too. =0
Wednesday, November 29, 2006 at 10:26 PM
Y Y Y
do even you think of me?It takes more time than I've ever had,
Drains the life from me,
Makes me want to forget,
As young as I am,
I am feeling much older,
More disciplined,
Stronger and certain,
And I was scared to death of eternity,
I was saved by grace,
But destroyed by naivety,
And I lied to myself,
And said it was for the best.
Y Y Y
give me time or i'll be running before you even know.Put the number said depending on the question. At the end it will look like a number then type it in the subject line. And you must do this or you will get good luck for one entire year.
Put 9
------------------------------- 1
Next number put what you are
1- Single but not available
2- Taken
3- Confused
4- Single
5- taken and Happy
6- single but u no your going to get
together
7- Taken and in Love
8- Want Someone Just Dont Know Who
9- Have a Crush
0- Just Dating
------------------- 9
Next number put your current Mood
1- pissed off
2- Sad
3- Confused
4- Afraid
5- Excited
6- Bored
7- Happy
8- Sleepy
9- Stressed
0- depressed
--------------------- 7
Next Number is The color of your shirt
-
1- Black
2- Yellow
3- Orange
4- Pink
5- Blue
6- Green
7- White
8- Brown
9- Purple
0- Red
------------------------- 3
Next Number is the month you were born
in
1- Jan. or Feb.
2- Mar.
3- April
4- May
5- Jun. or Jul
6- Aug.
7- Sep.
8- Oct.
9- Nov.
0- Dec.
--------------- 5
Next Number is your Fave Color
1- Black
2- White
4- Blue
5- Other
6- Purple
7- Yellow
8- Orange
9- Red
0- Green
------------------------- 3
Next Number is your fav sport
1- Soccer
2- Basketball
3- Wrestling
4- Baseball/Softball
5- Cheerleading
6- Football
7- Volleyball
8- Lacrosse
9- Swimming/Waterpolo
0- Motocross
------------------ 1
Last number is your Sign
1- Aries
2- Leo
3- Sagittarius
4- Taurus
5- Capricorn
6- Gemini
7- Libra
8- Aquarius
9- Cancer or Virgo
0- Scorpio or Pisces
91973531
ah. i dont think i'm capable to step into something now. please either step back and give me more space or leave me alone if you cant wait.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006 at 11:53 PM
Y Y Y
and he says 'hit the sacks' too.anyway, yesterday isn't just a whole big slide down the murky hill.
look what's sent to me at work.
why is it just not YOU. i really really miss...
Y Y Y
you'd be surprised.try walking home from town after midnight.
you'd be surprised at how many cars would slow down or even stop to offer you a ride.
and the person you put all your faith in,
went to sleep.
and having cried your heart out till it's (supposedly) all empty,
you still hope a miracle might happen.
no, you still
secretly believe in that person.
you'd be surprised how much a month can actually mean to you.
hoping there was still bus... things you do when you're alone and restless.
and because he's joked that he looks like him,
it's been some time since we took a picture together.
In looking over my past few posts, I realize that I may have sounded a touch melodramatic in a number of those posts. It's just that I find it hard to not be depressed when I realize that exactly a month ago I was the happiest person ever. Today, I simply don’t know where I am or where I stand, and it really kills me.
Monday, November 27, 2006 at 3:46 AM
Y Y Y
how much does it takes.how much does it take to NOT call someone:
- 10 fags in 5hours.
- look through leaflets and pamphlets for food delivery then deciding i can do with the walk.
- forcing down a 6inch subway even though i wasnt really hungry.
- puke it all out.
- reading practically every little word in a magazine.
- messaging anyone who might entertain.
how much does it take to call someone:
- a toss of coin that answers 'call' with a tail.
- bazillion tonnes of courage.
- another fag.
- prepare for the possibility of ending the call with tears.
and how much does it take to end the phonecall:
- look, i'm busy now, call me back later?
and so, 6hours of contemplation sums up to less than 5secs of nothingness.
ah well.
on a cheerier note, supper was combined with a rush-rush ktv with the lovelove joy and her botak bf and his bunkmate and his gf and...*gasp air* oh, coke. =)
it was really a rahrah experience sitting on the 'passenger seat, ooh ooh ooh'!
eeeeU. thanks. =) having passed both, it'll be a one on one soon! ready??
Sunday, November 26, 2006 at 1:02 AM
Y Y Y
smittened that i can still smitten.it's a good feeling i guess, to know that i've still got what it takes. haha!
but the few similarites, fellow-rosythian, saf commando, said 'smoke people' and nearly SA-ed, are just... it makes me a wee bit scared.
oh but it's pretty rah rah cos tonight i get driven from work to supper. =)
ah... slow and steady this time round, swear by my chimney-chin-chin.
Saturday, November 25, 2006 at 12:08 PM
Y Y Y
everything in its right place.okie, i'm ready! =)
07 nov 06
sam's birthday sneakpreviewparty at serangoon gardens.
first it was pigging out on sam's treat at chomps. the 3 of us ate for char, daphee, jeanne... but i think sam ate for all the girls in the world. oh before which, sarah n i spotted paul 2 hill which waiting for sam and we took pictures cos eunice likes him and i think he really really looks like wan!!
sarah 'ooh just now we saw paul 2 frank!!'
sam 'who's paul 2 frank?'
vera 'hahaha!!! you thought paul frank ah!!'
and so sarah and i laughed till be bogay, as you can see in the pic. haha! then we headed to bum at coffeebean which is such a oh-so-nice place to talkcocksingsongactdingdong. and daphee joined us. she reminds me of little tweety bird in the sweetest way you can imagine.
oh and i made them play the burntissuesuckcoin game cos it reminded me of the first night i met up with him again.
FLASHBACK: 15 sept 06
i was a little drunk and he took all these pictures. it was the night i started counting brownie points. rushed home from camp, rushed down all the way to punggol marina just to meet us up - 1pt. took endless pictures of me doing idiotic stuff and not think it's fugly - 1pt. waited outside the toilet to give me the fake flower cos i was looking at it - 1pt. insisted in sending me home instead of heading straight to camp which was supposedly more in the way - 1pt. noticed the colour of my nail polish and messaging me that they're lovely and the usual goodnight stuff - 1pt.
it was 5 brownie points in a night!
p.s i didnt mean to crop joy out, it was picassa's fault.
08 nov 06
that night was the real celebration for sam's birthday and my own little celebration for the end of all the shit i was having in school. and whoopiedooie-right for the ocassion, momo presented us with a bottle of lovely sweet champagne for coming in a group of 6 hots.
no pictures were taken at zouk but it was pretty girls-fun and i really danced all the warpeedoo away. until, i got so bothered and pissed off with this fucker who couldnt keep his hands on himself and even rubbed his bloody cock on my ass even after getting 2 really hard punches from me(it was really hard cos even with all that music, eepei could hear the 'thuds'). and of all things to do, i had to vent that frustration on ruff. i blamed him for not being there to help me, and for wanting to leave when i went to find him.
what i forgot is that we did not plan to zouk together and i should not be his responsibility that night. plus, he downright deserved to really enjoy with the friends he hadnt seen in ages. and, as sarah put it, club is really not a place to spend with a boyfriend anyway. and i knew it.
i just had to completely lose it at the very wrong time. and, just when i've already decided to stop acting like some whiny-sticky girlfriend. grr.
and voila, that's the end for us, i guess.
if only i knew how very hard it'd been for you. i mean, i knew, but i never got to hear what you've been truly feeling...right till you've already decided to leave.
anyhows, it'd have been such a fantastic night!
9&10&11 nov 06
*pictures uploaded in previous entries*
i spent the next 2days drinking. haha. pretty sinful but that's what people out-of-love usually do anyway.
and sarah provided me with the perfect excuse to drop by boat quay to watch him race cos she had to meet up with eunice. and in the meantime, we oohah-ed at the many ohlala hot guys there! (eg. him)
12 nov 06
and so i got a wee bit hook to drop by boat quay again for the dragonboat finals, which eepei love took fancy accompanying me to. seriously the number of chunky chocs there can give us repeated orgasms all morning and we had fabulous tan at unwanted places. how fab.
and just when we decided to head home to tan at my special pool, it started to rain cows and sheeps. triple fab. oh, i missed out 'double fab', it goes to reaching home in perfectly pretty handsome sunshine, and having the clouds moving in just when we shed to biks.
but of cos, we wont falter at such small milestones. bought prata and a whole lot of junks and pigged out at the small staircase area, acting like illegal immigrants. and my, i swear illegal immigrants must have a hell lot of good fun most of the time. maybe i can get a bangla bf for a change and bask in that excitement huh?
oh, and just when we decided not to tan, it didnt rain and the sun was pretty much there. grrreat.
but with me around, it's hard to not have fun. wahaha! and this is how it goes...
yaberdaberdoooo... i cant believe he's dropped me!!!
i didnt tell him i'm suicidal, did i?
thing is, i just cant decide where!
okok, how bout i try choking with this?
alright, self-destruction is just dumb. maybe i'd kill him by flashing my megawatt smile! =D i swear it's the look that even geishas will be ashamed of themselves.
14 nov 06
sentosa-ed with ravenous rah to get us prepared to be oh-so-delicious for work the next day.
and as usual, what's a day without narcissism! heh. the left picture looks like i havent got calves huh?
15 nov onwards, i've been working non-stop till today. and y'all can guess why huh. dont tsk, that's alright. i'm feeling way better now! will upload the momo-craziness and santarina pictures another day! that's all for now. =)
morning peeps, i'm just gonna head to bed! ooh, how i love the wet smell of night-air. shall do a little dance and fag for self-entertainment first. =)
Friday, November 24, 2006 at 2:36 AM
Y Y Y
nothing beats.it's really a wonderful feeling to see how happy friends are in their relationships.
the other day when i was out with crystal and her brendan, i kept smiling to myself seeing how very sweet they are together.
and it's not just friends. even strangers too.
i smiled at a stranger couple who romantically held each other tight, sheltering themselves from the rain. and kissed.
but movies/korean dramas.
nope. they are way too
fantasy-like corny(like my previous entry. haha!).
and omg, ginny!!!! HIP HIP HOORAY. it's been the longest time ever!!! and am ireallyveryveryhappy for you. =) =) =)
and yes, space. one big lesson learnt.
"If there should be one thing that Edwin taught me, it'd would be Space.
When F and me were dating, yes we had our own lives to lead as well, but more often than not, he'll be around me physically or at least via some form of communication almost all day. From the time I open my eyes in the morning till I go to sleep at night. Indeed, it feels damn good to have someone around, saying the good mornings and good nights but it's almost a fool proof method to falling too hard and too fast. That's why I grew on him, depended on him so much and have myself declared that he was very much needed and not to be without.
Albeit having no Edwin to say Goodnight nor Good Morning to me, I know he would he if I asked but really, I don't need all these any more :)" -gin.
if there's ever a second chance... but that's one other thing i've learnt too, stop expecting too much!
and everything would have been fantabulous.alright, night world.
Thursday, November 23, 2006 at 3:12 AM
Y Y Y
dui bu qi, xin li mei wei le.xin tong dao wu fa hu xizhao bu dao zhuo tian liu xia de hen jiyan zhen zhen de kan zhe nique wu neng wei liren ni xiao shi zaishi jie de jin touzhao bu dao jian qiang de li youzai ye wu fai gan jue ni de wen roujiu xiang liu xing xu ge xin yuanrang ni zhi daowo ai ni
Y Y Y
hello there.
i'm dedicating this song to myself:
STUCK IN A MOMENT
By: U2
I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere, baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will not forsake, the colours that you bring
But the nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I still listen through your ears, and through your eyes I can see
And you are such a fool
To worry like you do I know it's tough, and you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now... my oh my
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Oh love look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep...
I wasn't jumping... for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now
You're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass It's just a moment
This time will pass
i guess i wont be doing the long long 'closure' entry, as initially planned. i mean, there's so much to talk about but what's the use. it's over and nothing said matters anymore.
ok, maybe just one little thing for you.
the art of losing
by -- elizabeth bishop
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
<>i came across this poem in the show 'in her shoes' and immediately i thought of you. there is a courageous pretense built into this poem that I like. and like what's said in the movie, the poem isn't really about losing a lover. it's more of losing a friend.
the period might be short, but i guess during that period i depended(meet/find/talk/lean) so much on you that you're like a best friend, albeit for a very short while.
i will always remember all that calls and msn chats i never do with anyone else. you taught me to smoke people and i can do it pretty well now. all the nonsensical talks about kingkong and superman and your quick-wit on thinking of the stupidest yet smartest things to catch up on our rubbish talks. and i'll never forget how you've seen something good and want to share it with me(talegadia nights), though we didnt get around doing it, but i really appreciate that thought. you staring at me and wanting to take that memory down in photography really makes me feel good. getting me to help you make decisions on stuff you cant decide on makes me feel important.
and the best of everything about you is your kiddish enthusiasm that exudes the most when mambo-ing. the picture of you doing dancing queen will always be in my mind.
when people say, 'it's only a short while, how attached can you be that you have to be this upset.' i can only shrug and say i dont know. thing is, i do know, but it's hard to explain or prove myself right. it's all these feelings that you ignited in me during this short while that makes me see how happy i feel i'll be with you.
but i know, having said i love you, i have to let you go.
but you have to tell me you are happy now. i have to hear it from you. ocs if you're really happy with everything as it is now, i'll be happy for you too. that's why i kept asking how are you. and your single word answer 'ok' isn't gonna help cos it makes me wonder if it's an in-between feeling you've got. it makes me wanna hold on and try harder and touch you.
but i've come to realise, i cant keep pressing for something you dont want to/cant give.
so i'm taking bigger steps back and away. and hopefully move on. like you asked me to.
lastly, thank you.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006 at 1:46 AM
Y Y Y
random idle.i cant stop viewing the pictures i took with sarah and singuan at momo last friday and snickering silly to myself.
there's a car parked in a distance from my home and i can see people sitting in there and somehow i wish... ok stop it.
radio is playing 'dreaming of you' exactly when i'm feeling the emo shit, for the umpteenth time.
i've had too much cereal with milk and digestive bisuits coated with chocolates i'm gonna hate myself tomorrow morning, especially when dressing up to be santarina.
which reminds me of that day when i ate so much unagi, just cos i remembered how much someone likes it too, that throughout the day i keep tasting it when i burp.
sarah counted me 7times of attempting to kill myself and once on some stranger for pouring oyster mee sua on him.
i'm quite happy with myself today. accomplished day 1.
but i'm upset about losing the only watch i've got and spilling a half bottle of nail polish remover in my bag which ruin my 380 sunglasses and paul frank ipod casing.
i'm looking forward to mos on thurs.
i've finally found the title to the song that keeps ringing in my head for the longest time, 'friday i'm in love'. and darn, do i feel dumb.
guy friendster-messaged me some pretty nice stuff seems pretty...interesting? but i really wonder what's with the sudden invasion of messages in both friendster and blog. it's honestly not a nice feeling, i dont know why. ok maybe i do know why, all of them and it's not... ok stop it stop it.
friendster viewership screams 703, if only that's the percentage of how much i'm really loved. haha.
i've been working non-stop since last wed and i'm seriously way shagged out but i still get myself to exercise when i get home. and i'm suppose to work all the way till next thurs when i get a day's off.
i miss the rendezvous. ok, dont think about it! argh.
oh, my period's finally stopped, since last last tues 7nov! best proof of how stressed out i really was.
i'll do a long long entry on the end of another chapter of my life soon, i'm ready.
erm. ok, i'm gonna sleep.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006 at 3:06 AM
Y Y Y
my own closure.this is a reply from a new
friend:
'i tend to believe the worse in people, unless proven otherwise. so i dont get disappointed. so i believe that even after 20 years, if they really did you wrong, and if they are still the people i know them to be, they wont say sorry or admit they're wrong. they'll just avoid. cos that's what they're good at. and for the people i've wronged? i'd be embarrassed to see them again. i'd say hi, but there'll never be a happy ending. i'm not pessemistic or anything. it's just facts of life. gotta face it.'
after i said something like, how it'll be nice when 10-20yrs down the road, people who has disappointed or upsetted us in any way, see us somewhere, walk up to us and say sorry and continue the friendship from there.
(i believe i say much more than these but i cant seem to contact
her in any way to get hold of the message i sent
her.)
and i believe i'll do what i've said cos that was just what i did the other day at taka. saw 3girls in the toilet, 2 of which, i shared a drama with and the 3rd i still see her around in school. it was an awkward moment for me, deciding inside whether to say hi. in the end, i did. and i even apologised to one of the girls.
the thing is, i believe everything has a good thing in them. no matter what. even if stuff might end on a sour note now, i'm sure in time, something will happen or either party make a move and everything will be fine.
though i still dont really think that i'm entirely at fault for whatever happened between me and the 2 girls, i believe good relationship with anyone is more important than weighing who is right or wrong. after all, how long have we spent knowing each other and how long have we really been wrong?
so, i must say, i feel pretty good knowing that that's one less friends-turned-strangers situation.
as for him.
i believe one day we will have a good talk and a good laugh about everything that's happened between us.
i do need answers to the questions screaming inside me but now is not the time and pressing him for them is just gonna turn things uglier.
and now, i need to do more(or is it less) to salvage whatever pride that's left in me.
oh, btw, there's something else bothering. i dont know if i'm being over-sensitive or what. but it'll be a real shame if people just stop talking cos the source of the spark of conversations died. i've put in my effort and it's not in any way an excuse for anything else but a pure friendship, so i'll leave that as that. i definitely wont go begging for a one either. but boy, will i be disappointed if that's the end of it.
Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 11:25 PM
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the second dance songif you love something, let it go free.if it doesnt come back, hunt it downand kill it.
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when you seriously do not wish to cry anymore.but the tears just came when memories are revisited through the pictures we took right from the begininning.
why i took this picture: that day he held my hand so tightly i
knewgfelt he wouldnt let go - just like that.
oh boy. maybe i'd say, smoke got into my eyes. that's all.
and i drown them in bourbon.
Saturday, November 18, 2006 at 12:47 AM
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whoa, what's become of mambo!You're beautiful, it's true.I saw you face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do,And I don't think that I'll see her again,But we shared a moment that will last till the end.boring shiat.
Thursday, November 16, 2006 at 4:53 AM
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the kite broke and i may never find it again.knn(i jus realised i dunno if it's spelt kanina or kanena), i went to read gary's blog and all of a sudden the speaker jumped and started playing music. i got so shocked i went 'whoa!' and slammed my lappy away and it fell on the floor. grr. gary, ni yao fu zhe!
aiyo, blog blog lah. put what music. so emo for what hur hur hur!
anyway, it's been some busy busy days that's left me so goddamned tired at the end of each day, i just crash into bed and sleep. it's good cos i dont get to stare into space and think and be emo. haha.
okok, i'll do another update soon. my eyes are shutting and tmr's the first day of being a fat santarina. fat already, better not be panda-eyed too. =p
Wednesday, November 15, 2006 at 12:17 AM
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could have been strangers.the one good thing that came out of
it that i can be sure of, is that i found a friend in someone i've never met before. the month long corresponding via frienster messaging has seen me through some good and bad times. and each time i see friendster email me that i've received a message from jo makes me give a small 'whoopie!' inside.
and i know, she's definitely for keeps. =)
happy birthday jo!
Monday, November 13, 2006 at 11:51 PM
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it's been good! =)first, 08nov, the girls' night's out i've been waiting and waiting for!
that's sweetie daphnee, sultry-murderously hot linderr, spunky kickass singuan, beautiful smile jeanne the hot mama, babelicious sarah that makes the champagne bubble fizzles and uh, undescribable me. haha!
oh and there was eepei too whom, with much regrets, i didnt get to picture with! =(
more pictures from that night in awhile.
9nov
crystal jade with sarah, eepei and lingna.
and we romanced with o'christmas tree at taka. (colours of the pics are changed to hide our scary eyebags, swollen panda eyes from the previous night!)
10nov
the drinking session at new pub at chinatown with joy, huishan and gary, where i completely embarrassed myself! haha!
11nov
chill-out at indochine with its liveband was pretty good. jeanne and i talked like... ok, we talked a lot, and that hot mama's been thruogh a lot. it makes me feel that my problems are so mediocre. love her strength.
pretty red coat at topshop makes me wana go new zealand.
i wonder if my 2wishes for not fagging the 2days, are still valid...
Sunday, November 12, 2006 at 12:06 AM
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