if you can 'restart' your life, what changes will you make?on the bus ride home, i thought of a couple of things. things i'd love to do should i be able to 'restart' my life all over again. if i can 'restart' it, i'd like to:
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insist in continuing my ballet lessons even though the centre'd shifted far far away.- take up sports as cca in primary school and be really involved in them.- spat in the faces of most of the classmates in pri sch class 4A2 and use really chim english to throw insults back at them.
- use a permanent marker and draw on lwl's face each time she draws a line on MY table n ask me not to cross it. (FUCK YOU.)
- tell mr ng chun seng to fuck off and not talk to my mom.
- tell ms susana lim never to talk students into converting to christianity when they are too young to know the meaning of it all.
- hug 'mung gay'. (honestly, as much as i still make fun of that name and the whole stupid joke, esp after the whole school was teasing her and doing the 'mung gay disease' thing, i feel bad for her.)
- tell mitchell that 'loving God' DOESNT necessary make you a good person, and that she didnt even know God.
- tell joy i love her.- do badminton in sec sch.- take part in plays in sec sch.- not be that rebellious towards my parents and not attempt suicide.- not falling in love.- take up lit for Os and tell ms ong that i DIDNT hafta drop A.maths.- go jc. major arts. go uni. major history.- join 2years ns like the guys. (seriously.)i've always wanted to do lots of things but i didnt have the guts to do it. and i do regret that my guts and boldness come only now. why wasnt i more out spoken before? why wasnt i more daring, more loud, more funny, more spontaneous? why?
there are a few other things i wanted to change but i cant remember them now. cos i then thought of this, what if i had went that path and still have other regrets bout not doing this and that? like now, i keep having this thought of doing air-stewarding but i've been brushing it aside cos i just dont think i'm cut out to do it. appearance issues aside, i think i'll be afraid to sleep alone in hotel rooms. and i was thinking, what if another 5years down the road i feel like slapping myself for not having done that too?
and i dont want that. i want to be happy bout the decisions i made for myself. i want to be satisfied with what i have, with my life and how it turns out. or else i'll never be satisfied. never.
and as if to show me that i'm right, i got home to a couple of things that made me smile, that gave me this warm fuzzy feeling in me.
1. ruff calling me. =)
2. my sister showing me the new bras she's got, she's growing big, uh, i mean up!
3. tags by cassan and xinyu. i really miss talking to them, like really talking.
4. friendster msg from joanna(which never fail to make me smile when i read them).
so, how can i not love my life as it is? there are more than 101 things to be happy about it!