reasons why i am happy. :)-waking up looking skinny and feeling skinny and thus, pulling on that black tights i've been wanting to wear and wee!! skinny freako i am!!!! hahahahahaha. ok. my brother will lol at this i'd better stop.
-double checking phonecalls record in my hp and realising 4.17am wasn't just a dream!!!!!!! :D :D :D cos after the call, when i went back to sleep, i kept dreaming of myself waking up and realising it was all a dream. so it's like waking up in my own dream from another dream kinda thing u get my drift?? but that's cos nowadays i've been dreaming too much of these kinda impossibilities that when it really happen, i dont know if i'm just dreaming or what lah.
and thus, for the whole of today, i couldnt stop smiling and singing to myself. even walking home in long sleeves and feeling pretty warm doesnt bother me at all! of course you can all see the main reason why i'm really happy today is because of the second reason right! (i always wake up skinny what!!) hahahahahaha.
haha...
aha..
ha.
...
why do i feel fear all of a sudden? what if by the end of tonight, all the happiness will be drained away from me and a bigger sadness is awaiting me??? yes. i think that must be it. i dont think my down period is over yet. something worse must be waiting for me to go through. ya. i shouldnt be happy. so if something worse come along when he comes back, at least it wouldnt feel like a double triple blow on me.
ok. yes that is it. i can feel normal now. like, over-elated then now preparing for the worst. like balanced out. yup. i will feel better now. right?
no. i cant... ...
fuck. just what the fuck is happening to me?! my feelings, my dreams, my reality are all screwed up.