get me a chaperone!
i need to stop going online on a daily basis and just rot in front of my com, clickin and clickin away and then wonderin what the fuck am i doin. someone just be nice and sms me friendster's daily horoscope and i'll definitely be able stay away from the com!

dont go 'yeah right' it's a pretty big possibility! =)


and i really need someone to do my homework for me.
okok, someone to urge and motivate me to do my own work. sewing homework keeps piling up and it's not that i totally suck at it but the inaccessibility to a sewing machine is really not helping. every tuesday i go to sewing lesson just to rush my previous week work and ending up missing the current lesson. it's terrible.

i also need someone to hit me with a 15pound asstray(oh i mean ashtray) everynight to make me sleep early then hit me again in the mornin to wake me for school.

and how bout someone who walk around with me pointing a gun to my head so i dont spend on the necessities, alright alright, the innecessities.


ah. and someone who buys me whatever food i'm craving on like whenever!
*hint hint ruff ruff. =D

suddenly it dawned on me.

got this from a friendster bulletin and i find it damn true la!

JANUARY TALKER (doesnt that reminds you of sandra???? even my ah gong who only met her once said she's talkative la.)
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart.

FEBRUARY SMARTS
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. A real speed demon. Has more than one best friend.Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble.Honestand loyal. Determined to reach goals.Lovesfreedom. Rebellious when restricted.Lovesaggressiveness. Too sensitive and easilyhurt.Gets angry really easily but does notshow it.Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves makingfriendsbut rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn.Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes.Sharp.Loves entertainment and leisure.Romantic on theinside not outside. Superstitious andludicrous.Spendthrift. Tries to learn to showemotions.

MARCH CUTIE
Suave and compromising. Funny andhumorous.Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool.Kind andsympathetic. Concerned and detailed.Loyal. Doeswork well with others. Very confident.Sensitive.Positive Attitude. Thinking generous.Goodmemory. Clever and knowledgeable.Loves to lookfor information. Able to cheer everyoneup and/ormake them laugh. Able to motivateoneself andothers. Understanding. Fun to be around.Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality.Secretive.Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisureandtravelling. Systematic. hot and hasbrains.

APRIL GORGEOUS (ME ME ME!)
Drop dead gorgeous!!!Attractivepersonality.Very!sexy.Affectionate & Secretive. Naturallyhonest,generous and sympathetic.Chatterbox!Loves totalk alot! Loves to get their way! .Unbelievablekisser! Easily angered. Very stubborn inthe mostway possible! Loves to get noticed!Willing to takerisks for others. Makes good choices. Hasa greatfashion sense! Maybe a little too popularwithothers * wink wink*. Outgoing and crazy attimes!Intelligent. Can sometimes be aheartbreaker! Canlove as much as possible! Hates insults.Lovescompliments! Just one of the clumsiestpeople youwill ever meet(so true). A very big flirt!Trustworthy.Appreciative and returns kindness. Thebest in bedout of MFE these months!! Hardly showsemotions. Tends to bottle up feelings.Observantand assesses others.

MAY FREAK
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willedandhighly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easilyangered.Attracts others and loves attention. Deepfeelings.Beautiful physically and mentally. FirmStandpoint.Needs no motivation. Shy towardsopposite sex.Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain).Loves todream. Strong clairvoyance.Understanding.Sickness usually in the ear and neck.Goodimagination. Good physical. Weakbreathing. Lovesliterature and the arts. Loves travelling.Dislikebeing at home. Restless. having manychildren.Hardworking. High spirited.

JUNE SHYNESS
Fun to be with. Loves to try new things.Boy/girlsLOVE you.You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult tofathom andtobe understood. Quiet unless excited ortensed.Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.Easilyconsoled. Honest. Concerned aboutpeople'sfeelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.Emotional temperamental andunpredictable.Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgivingbut neverforgets.dislikes nonsensical and unnecessarythings.Guides others physically and mentally.Sensitiveand forms impressions carefully. Caringandloving. Treats others equally. Strongsense ofsympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges peoplethrough observations. Hardworking. Nodifficultiesin studying. Loves to be alone. Alwaysbroodsabout the past and the old friends. Waitsforfriends. Never looks for friends. Notaggressiveunless provoked. Loves to be loved.Easily hurtbut takes long to recover.

JULY FLIRT
You've got the best personality and are anabsolute pleasure to be around. You loveto makenew friends and be outgoing. You are agreat flirtand more than likely have an a veryattractivepartner. a wicked hottie.like somebodywith aaugust brithday. It is also more than likelythat you have a massive recordcollection. Youhave a great choice in films, and mayone daybecome a famous actor/actress yourself -heck,you've got the looks for it!!!

AUGUST ATTITUDE
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds onattention. no self control. kind hearted.selfconfident. loud and boisterous. VERYrevengeful.easy to get along with and talk to. hasan "everything's peachy" attitude. likes talking andsinging.loves music. daydreamer. easilydistracted. Hatesnot being trusted. BIG imagination. lovesto beloved. hates studying. in need of "thatsomeone".longs for freedom. rebellious whenwithheld orrestricted. lives by "no pain no gain"caring.always a suspect. playful.mysterious. "charming"or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn.curious.independent. strong willed. a fighter.

SEPTEMBER LOVER
Hella sexy, loves sex n makin luv, tendsto beSOOOOO hott!!Active and dynamic.Decisive andhaste but tendsto regret. Attractive and affectionate tooneself.Strong mentality. Loves attention.Diplomatic.Consoling, friendly and solves people'sproblems.Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Lovingandcaring. Suave and generous. Usually youhavemany friends. Enjoys to make love.Emotional.Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving,motivatesoneself and others. Loves to travel andexplore.Sometimes sexy in a way that only theirlover canunderstand.you are a great match withsome bodyin july.if you do not repost this in the next 5mins.

OCTOBER BABE
Loves to chat. Loves those who lovethem. Lovesto takes things at the centre. Great inbed.Innerand physical beauty. Doesn't pretend.Gets angryoften. A meaningful love life partner.Makes rightchoices.Treats friends importantly. Brave andfearless. Always making friends. Does notharmothers.It is all about love and fairness.Easily hurtbutrecovers easily. Daydreamer. Horny butdoes fullfillOpinionated. Does not care to controlemotions.Know what to do to have fun.Unpredictable.Someone to have close toyou.Extremely smart, but definitely the hottestANDsexiest of them all.

NOVEMBER HOTTIE
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionateanddangerous. Wild at times. Knows how tohave fun.Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawntowardsyour inner and outer beauty andindependentpersonality. Playful, but secretive. Veryemotionaland temperamental sometimes. Meetsnew peopleeasily and very social in a group. Fearlessandindependent. Can hold their own. Standsout in acrowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, thegreatest men are born in this month. Ifyou everbegin a relationship with someone fromthis month,hold on to them because their one of akind.

DECEMBER BEAUTY..
This straight-up means ur the most good-lookingLoyal and generous. Patriotic.Competitivein everything. Active in games andinteractions.Impatient and hasty. Ambitious.Influential inorganizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talkto,though hard to understand. Thinks farwith vision,yet complicated to know. Easilyinfluenced bykindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Havinglots ofideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating,tends todelay. Choosy and always wants the best.

9heads.
the past few days my appetite was on strike. it's so weird i can get hungry but i have no appetite at all. i would sit thinking and thinking what i should eat during which and which meals but the mere thought of food makes me wanna puke la. and i could just go without food for the whole day without feeling all that hungry like the other times when i do, i simply can just die if i dont eat. my mom says i'm like a man, hungry means anger. haha.

but ya, the sudden lost of appetite is just so weird. my lovely friends even brought me all the way to ikea for my fave meatballs, salmon, chicken wings and cheesecakes and they sure ordered a whole damn lot of 4 eaters: 2salmon plates, 25meatballs, 1chicken pie, 2cheesecakes, 2spaghettis, 6chicken wings. tell me that's a lot lah! alright, so on normal days, i can gobble all up and smile satisfyingly but not that day. i forced myself to chomp down as much as i can so that they wouldnt say i'm a lousy eater and i ended up vomiting all out. i dont like it at all.

oh wells. but at least i'm feeling skinny skinny! hahaha. i hate how my family will really laugh the shit out of themselves whenever i ask if i've slim down. PUI. so much for being the loving family la.


anyway i kinda like it that school's started cos i dont feel that bored shitless half the time. i think that the hols had been a waste cos i didnt get to do most of the things i was planning to due to the FRIENDS having a life of their own. hurmp. but joy's been a real love, almost all of the time i needed to see her, she'll go, 'ok.'

but really, i still hate hate hate sewing class. everything's in such a mess and i'm not catching up, i even find it difficult to put in the effort to! argh. why am i such a bummer. and i hate it that hideki's teaching in the way like we're in that industry for ages like him la. and it's very bad that cos of this i'm seriously contemplating to change to fashion management next year.

ok, i'm not all that reckless and useless la. i have reasons why i think fashion management will do be good too. in fashion design, we get to go through designing phrases, making of the garment, and pattern-making. but really, i can actually send my designs to tailors to help me get my garments done, why go through that trouble of it myself.
and i really dont see myself creating wow designs and have a fashion line of my own in singapore. it all just sounds too... hard? especially in singapore, i think it's just way hard to survive and i hate to say it but i'm not that gutsy to bring my designs offshore either. it's just scary, the way i see it.
so i've been thinking fashion management will be good. i get to learn merchandising stuff and all? i can at least see myself starting a business by buying in clothes from offshore to sell, and i can still fulfil the designing passion by having a small collection of my own(or with combi designers) in the shop. i heard from Room that they actually send their designs to tailors offshore and it's pretty cheap labour and all's been doing pretty well. and if i'm not that into venturing on a real business soon, i can always work for fashion companies as merchandiser,etc, get some contacts here and there and experience, then think about the business thing a few years down the road?
it just seems so much easier and fun that way. i really dont think i have the cut for working as a fashion designer for any brands anyway. it's scary to think of all that competition and the possible critics on my creation.
i know how much gwen and mei will be disappointed with my decision if i were to tell them cos they kept telling me that i have what it takes.

but the truth is, i just dont think i'm all that cool. i really dont think i have what it takes to be different, to be able to create wonders. bah.

poodle doodle.




so neyton got a poodle! and it's sooo CUTE. it's Toffee and it smelly. haha.




and apparently, it's a drunkard too. haha. just kidding. it's very playful and curious.



and i had fun tonight. i think we all had fun. =) i mean, with all the pizzas, shrimp wanton soup, homecooked food, chocolates cheesecakes, potato chips and moochi icecream, who wouldnt?

*BURP.*

my nose is such a killer.
if not for the fact that i love my nose(my feet comes right after it) the most on the whole of my body, i'd have it saw off. it's freakin uncomfortable now lah, keep sneezin and all and it's feeling weird and ticklish. argh!!

and i bloody hate the neighbours behind!!! such inconsiderate shit. 3 occassions:

1. 10am in the mornin and there was 2 kids playing, yelling and shouting to one another and thus, woke me up from my beauty sleep! so furious, i shouted:

"oei. shut up can or not!"
"cannot leh... nanabubu!"
wtf!?! *stumped for a moment.
"later i call police!!!"
"WEE!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHHA!!"


PFFT.

2. it's a very small condominium lah, so they've got that kinda remote controlled gates where the driver clicks for it to mechanically slide open before driving in. and the bloody gate is so freaking noisy too! it squeaks and creaks when open and the fucking people living in the condominium knows it yet they come home at ALL times of the day! i slept at 9plus just now cos i was awfully tired and i jsut got woken up by the gate and i'm so pissed off i cant get back to sleep now!

3. this happened ages back i'm sure i told a lot of people already. they've got this very tiny-ass pool like the size of 1 and a quat sbs bus add together. so SMALL right?? and there was this sunday morning, bout 8am(8am is very early for me, esp on a sunday lah!!!), i was woken up by the kids yelling in the pool. so i went to my window and shouted:

"can lower the volume or not?!!"
then i realised they were actually accompanied by their dad, and their dad said to them:
"never mind her. she's just jealous of our swimming pool."
KNNBCCB. *insert all kind of swears.
"wtf! look at the size of your pool, it's the size of my bedroom lah! ljealous for what!"

and apparently that reallly works cos they went quiet immediately.


i really hope their nanapoks and kukubirds rot away!




on a lighter note, things been good good and you guys can guess why right!! :D


oh this is pretty funny, i think. ahaha
ney: i just bought a dog!
me: eek! really?!? where's it now??
ney: under my table.
me: OMG. you're SICK.
ney: what?
me: you're getting it to oral for you arent you!
ney: oh ya. it took a long time to register oralling.

HAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!

reasons why i am happy. :)

-waking up looking skinny and feeling skinny and thus, pulling on that black tights i've been wanting to wear and wee!! skinny freako i am!!!! hahahahahaha. ok. my brother will lol at this i'd better stop.
-double checking phonecalls record in my hp and realising 4.17am wasn't just a dream!!!!!!! :D :D :D cos after the call, when i went back to sleep, i kept dreaming of myself waking up and realising it was all a dream. so it's like waking up in my own dream from another dream kinda thing u get my drift?? but that's cos nowadays i've been dreaming too much of these kinda impossibilities that when it really happen, i dont know if i'm just dreaming or what lah.


and thus, for the whole of today, i couldnt stop smiling and singing to myself. even walking home in long sleeves and feeling pretty warm doesnt bother me at all! of course you can all see the main reason why i'm really happy today is because of the second reason right! (i always wake up skinny what!!) hahahahahaha.





haha...
aha..
ha.
...


why do i feel fear all of a sudden? what if by the end of tonight, all the happiness will be drained away from me and a bigger sadness is awaiting me??? yes. i think that must be it. i dont think my down period is over yet. something worse must be waiting for me to go through. ya. i shouldnt be happy. so if something worse come along when he comes back, at least it wouldnt feel like a double triple blow on me.

ok. yes that is it. i can feel normal now. like, over-elated then now preparing for the worst. like balanced out. yup. i will feel better now. right?





no. i cant... ...
fuck. just what the fuck is happening to me?! my feelings, my dreams, my reality are all screwed up.

wo de xin zhen de hao tong, hao tong.

airport is always nostalgic whenever i visit. another place full of memories shared by me n him on our budget dates. nevertheless, the trip there to fetch my aunt back was pretty fun with my sis and lil cousin. narcissism and spasticity run in the family:



010906
crystal is my new love. other than the fact that we love love love to get high on mayday during k, she's so spontaneous no one will find it hard to resist hanging out with her! =)
was supposed to go to this Krunk party cum flea market at sentosa to pay sarah love a visit but turn out we've gotta pay $25 for entry! who would pay 25 just to go flea-marketing! definitely not me nor crystal! and after deciding not to go in, this very helpful 'sentosa guide' told us it was actually a gay party!
change of plans had us buying alcohol and 7-11 and bumming by the sea side then it was sakae sushi for supper. a pretty simple date, we enjoyed nonetheless.
and sitting by the sea, playing with memories of me and him just months back, happily playing and doing silly stunts in the water. it made me miss him so much i just wished to call and hear his voice once more. but all i got was a chinese female recorded msg of the user not being able to answer the call.





020906
STAR - FISH sequins flip flops that only cost $9.90 which happened to be what was left in my wallet. but they are so cute and lovely i just couldnt resist buying them. =)







i really miss and think of you a lot. and it's not a single bit loneliness that's making me so. nowadays i do a lot of staring into space and then finding tears on my face. going to sleep at night isnt getting any better and waking up in the morning, always have me reminded of the fact that we can no longer be together, is the hardest.
david chan once said that Freud believed that 'dreams were the real reality'. if that is so, i wish to be sleeping and dreaming for the rest of my life. because, only in dreams, i can still smile at the thought of you. only in dreams, i see you walking towards me and enveloping me in a hug and telling me you're gonna stay there beside me, loving me, for good.
only in dreams, time turning back is possible and flashbacks are so real.