please stop acting out all my ever doubts at nighton the bus home just now i was listening to my poddybuddy and again, missing tk terribly when i suddenly realise the irony of the things i do. just one fucken week ago, i actually prepared myself to let him go and pursue his dreams and told myself not to get in his way anymore. and now, i'm missing him so much, not a day pass by without me msging him.
what the heck are you doing yiwen.
on yesterday's conversation with marcus, he asked about how i feel about tk right now and i insisted that i'm still waiting for him. and he said i should move on and so on cos i'm single now. and so i reminded him that i've told him my status is currently single but unavailable and will continue to be so long as this heart of mine still holds on to tk so much, i just cant possible move on. then he went on saying that he wanna introduce me guy friends and stuff cos i'm quite a good catch etc. i had the feeling of just asking him to shut up though i know he probably meant well for me. anyway, i'm not a fish lah! i hear good catch in longjohnsilver's advertisement.
i think i've more or less come to a firm stand on what i want for myself. it's tk and no one else. i cant imagine myself to possibly work out in any other relationships when i've failed so miserably with this someone i love so much. which sums up to that i cant cant cant let him go in peace to pursue his dreams lah! sigh. what a dilemma. i really wish to be unselfish and all but it's just too hard to be in my capability to do so! =(
hm. i guess if tk really doesnt want me anymore, i can just grow old to be those ah lian aunties who go ktv-ing and pubbing and all that nonsense.
hahaha.
actually i do feel like crying but i'm just not allowing the tears anymore.