Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

i wish i knew how to quit you.

yes yes. you've heard that line before. how boring.
and what's even more boring?
i cant. i just cant.

not even after u told me in the bus that you've read my blog and that you're at your wits end cos you dont want me to go home crying after meeting you, yet, you cant reject me wanting to meet you up.
not even after i stupidly thought that you're already walking away to your other bus stop, so i just stood in the mid of my way home, crying till my head felt like it's gonna burst. and then to realise you saw all that cos you were 'stalking' me, just to make sure i got home safely.
not even when i felt touched by the fact that you still care for me, and walked back to you for a hug but u declined.

i should have held my pride and stop being such a pain in the ass in preventing you to move on with the life you want. but i did not. and i cannot.

and what's scared me horribly inside, is that i even felt like begging you on my knees for you to come back to me.

and i really hate this person that i am being.

just 30mins ago, i was reading my horoscope for 4th of august:
The Bottom Line
Today you'll get a lot closer to answering the questions you've been dealing with.
In Detail
Breathe easy -- today you will get a lot closer to answering the questions you've been wrestling with. Before the day is through, you'll be taken to the right place and given all the right tools to contemplate your situation and think through your options. There's no such thing as bad answers -- just right answers. So don't be afraid to dig deep into your subconscious and face some nagging fears. This may be a time when you have to give something up to get something you need.

and i was thinking: yes, this is so true. i'm gonna finally get myself to move on and let him live in peace. i'm gonna make the decision of never to ever see or hear from him again. i'm gonna consider my other options and give up on him.

yes, that was merely 30mins ago plus another bout of crying after harbouring such thoughts. such a pity. they're such good thoughts for my own sake, yet i end up crying! i am such a fucker. and now, i can only think of continuing to wait for him.

yes. say that again. i am such a fucker.

on another issue.
and yes, today is a double bad day for me.
group meeting was at 10am, national library. left house at 10, knowing that it's alright, everyone's gonna be late as well. guess what. i was the earliest! and so, i thought, that's alright, at least i've got meeting eepei in the afternoon to look forward to.

and so i msged her to remind that we're meeting in town at 1pm.

then got busy with my project stuff. round 11plus, i realised she hasnt replied so decided to call her. and she hung up on me! then followed by a msg sayin that she just got up!

ok, so i thought: dont get worked up. stay calm. and i told her that's alright, just hurry get changed now and meet me in town asap. i'll try bum at my friend's shop to kill time first. and so she said she'll call me as soon as she leaves her house. and that was like 11plus.

seriously. if you know you woke up late and your friend is gonna be in town, alone, waiting for you, what would anyone in the right mind do??? get up, get changed and leave house in 30mins max right???

but no! up till 1plus pm, i didnt get any call from her!

and so i starting calling and calling her but she just wouldnt pick up her phone. so i called her house at bout 1plus pm and she said eepei's bathing. and so later, eepei msged to say that she'd to bathe after eating.

as much as i wanted to say, 'look, i've been waiting in town for u for an hour, and you know you stay all the way in jurong, havent you got any courtesy to hurry up and get your ass in town?? not paseh one ar?'

but man. i shut up. i even bloody agreed to her suggestion to meet her at tiong bahru instead of town, for her convenience. and so i asked, so what time can you reach tiong bahru? that was approx. 2pm. no reply at all. called her over n over again until i fucking bek chek, i decided to head home.

and fucking luck has to play on me. forgot to bring ex-link, no coins, had to buy bloody newpaper when i dont even read that junk, just to get loose coins. and i am fucking broke ok.

ok, so change money and decided to head home. but then one the other hand, still didnt want to give up on her you know! so i called her a last time and she finally picked up and i completely lost my patience and kinda yelled, 'what were you doing?!'

and she went silent. no word of apologies or explaination of whatsoever.

ok, nevermind. so i decided to give her another chance, go ahead wth plan to meet her at tiong bahru. so i asked how long will she take to get to town.

'uh, what time is it now?' - of cos u wouldnt know the time! what would you care for the time. your friend can wait for you all the time ma. no need to know time one!

'3pm.' (even though it was 2.50pm. i decided to give her more grace time.)

'ok, i will reach bout 3.30pm'

so i took train to tiong bahru and on the way there, i just had to call someone and complain. so i called tk and joy and eventually started crying in the station. disgusting shit. anyw, reached at 3.28pm, and still, i decied to give her even more grace time. went up to get a drink, finished my drink, and it was 3.38pm. and so i msged to ask her where she was.

'i forgot my wallet just now. now on the train.'

'where.'

'clementi'

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. chinese garden to clementi only 2-3stops lor.

'dont bother. i'm going back.'

'sorry i really forgot my wallet. dunno why i so suay. yesterday fall down today forget wallet.'

'your reasons dont matter to me any more. you took this friendship for granted once too often. i've enough.' - i admit i was rather harsh. but for goodness sake, i was on the verge of tears again when i got to know that she was at clementi.

hey. i'm not a 2 year old you know. if you tell a kid time and again different reasons why the sky is so high, he will still believe you. but not me. every fucking time she's late, she's got full of reasons. why not wake up earlier to make sure that if any sort of accidents will happen(knowin that something will always happen to you) you'll have enough time to make up for them, so that you can make sure you wont be late, right?!!

and what's more infuriating is that when she found out that she forgot her wallet, she could have hurry send a msg to me to leme know of the misfortune and thus, how long more will she take. so at least i'll be prepared to wait. nothing ok.

it's just like you got a a1 painting to hand up in 4weeks time and you delay it by having the time of you life in the 4 weeks. and finally it's time to hand in your work, you tell your lecturer, oh sorry, i cant hand in in time cos 2 weeks ago, my house tumbled down so i cant do my work. your lecturere will confirm say, why didnt you say that 2weeks back?

and besides, if i were in your shoes, i know that i've kept a friend waiting for so long, i'd sincerely wana make up for it. if i forget my wallet, i'll definitely send a msg then rush down by cab. there's no sincerity from her at all!

to you.
you once said you no longer know the meaning of friendship anymore.
i couldnt answer you back then. and i cant give you an exact answer to you now either.
i think at the very least, friendship means being there for your friends when they need support most. and in ways, i think i'll have no shame saying that i'll have friends telling me that i might not always be available but they'll always find me there when they need it the MOST.
and i can say, friendships are never something you should take for granted. so i forgave you a couple of times when you had also been outrageously late or fly my plane. but that doesnt mean i deserve going through that shit from you all the time.

and since now we're in this situation, i might as well take the opportunity to trash everything out. i'm not sure if you've changed. or it's only now that i discover the person you're. but stop being such a LAN-HONG. you wana go club, have fun, enjoy your youth, it's ok. once in awhile, everyone can understand, so can you mom. but look at what you're doing with the trust people are placing in you! you can stay out on consecutive nights and have your mom calling me, asking me where you're and stuff and saying that she's been so worried bout you, she's fallen sick.

do you enjoy having fun while your mom worries herself sick at home??? i told you a million and one times to call her if you're gonna stay out late and let her know your whereabouts and if you dont do that, be prepared to pick up her calls! why dont you jolly well flush your phone down the bowl since you're so unkeen to pick up calls! only bother to use it to msg guys right??? argh.

i'm so pissed and disappointed by you man. yet the most annoying thing is that i'm still telling myself not to give up on you. on this friendship.

just like how tk keeps telling me not to agree to meet up with you when you're gonna end up being late and gettin me upset over it, yet, i still decide to give you chances to meet up.

Friday, August 04, 2006 at 11:56 PM

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