Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

where the dust collects and the spiders roam.
an hour ago i set out looking through the things in my room i havent been touching, trying to find something i wore every single day for 2years - the ring we bought together in the name of our love.

last year, i decided to finally take it off and keep it in my wallet so that at least i have it by my side everyday, even if i'm not wearing it anymore. the last time i remember seeing it is when i took it out, it was nearing christmas and i cried holding it to sleep.

then somehow, i dont know where i ended putting it or if there's another last time i actually took it out, again. but months ago, when i decide to wear it once again, it's missing.

after much crying and contemplation, i decided to tell tk about it and even suggested we get a new one. but he doesn't want to. he says he doesn't want to replace one so insignificantly. and i guess i kinda agree.

the one that we had, marked our 1st month anniversary. we had it selected and engraved at hougang mall and we both paid individually. it's a simple and pretty old-fashioned kind which had set a distinct mark on my forefinger for months after taking it off.

you're probably thinking that here i am, talkin bout this ring and all, it must mean that i've found it. no i havent. i barely went through one fifth of my room and i'm already crying. cos i had to take out the box with all his old letters and little gifts and memories and begin looking through them.

there's one about his pains to think that i suggested having an open relationship with him. i cant believe i was that stupid and insensitive and how much hurt i must have inflicted on him. of cos i havent forget having suggested such an insane idea, and i havent forget the reasons for it either. but reading his letter, i find his emotions cutting me raw, i finally feel how he must have felt.

there's a christmas card that says it's out first christmas together and he's sorry i'm with a poor boyfriend and hopes that he'll give me something better next year. and thereupon, he drew a christmas tree that resembles an arrow and says: "give ya a xmas tree to protect my love for always" why did i even say he isnt sweet?

there's this card made out of drawing board folded into postcard size with writings in colourful crayons and cuttings of magazine pictures stuck on messily, which i remember thinking that my kindergarten kids can do that. but i really love that thought cos it shows how much he was trying on the creative side, why didnt i tell him then?

there's a strip of arnott's tim tam wrapping which he bought for me, knowing that i love snacking on it a lot. even though he contemplates even getting himself a can of drink when he's out, rather than drinkin from his bottled water. and i always only see myself as the sacrificing partner in the relationship, failing to see what he's done for me.

there's a barely-used can of Zambuk which holds memory to our 2nd last year in xinmin where on fine day, i was walking behind him with a bottle of baby powder in my hand and decided to sprinkle some fun on his big head. and after doing so, he started turning around, meaning to talk to me. and being the guilty-conscience me, i started running from him thinking that he's caught me. and then, 'wham!' i hit the huge pillar behind me and developed a 'baluku'(swell) the size a small orange on my forehead and i remember laughing myself silly, saying that i thought these only happen in comics.

then there are the stuff he gave me from his china trips. the first, he got my quite a number of clothing which i only wear the spaghetti top. the second, i got a bottle of my favourite drink - baileys, which i still keep the hennessy box he used to contain the baileys and the baileys empty bottle itself.

this coming august, he's going back to china again. and there's only one thing i want him to bring back for me this time, the love he had showered me with which i've failed to be satisfied with.

cos somehow i still believe i didnt lose the ring. i still believe i've got the ring somewhere. i still believe one day it will be back in my finger again. and this time it wouldnt come off anymore.

yes, i still believe.

as for the search, let's leave it to another day. it's 3am.

Sunday, July 23, 2006 at 2:57 AM

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