Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

i haven been posting as much as i would love to. and it's because school's been such a bitch-i swear it's a she.

as i lie in bed browsing through blogs after blogs and listening to 'i found a reason by catpower' the 12th time, i was secretly contemplating a 2nd stick(right after the 4th one i had jus 10mins ago) - it does makes me feel very very guilty if i break my 4 sticks er day rule. and in the end i horridly gave in to my stupid craving but by half the stick, i was already sick of it.
when the hell did i get myself so nicotine reliant???

it stinks up my breathe, my clothes, and my room! it's so bad i hafta light like 5 aroma scented oil-i-dunno-what to be satisfied that my room smells good. plus, i dont even understand why i fuck i'm riskin my life over these sticks and why the hell i should put myself in danger of my rents knowin by smoking at home. it's downright stupid. i know it yet i'm still doing it. bah.

anyw, i might just quit smoking all in all starting from this sun. the initial plan was to quit slow, by reducing little by week, cos i really dowana get sick right now with the amount of workload i get. but i guess i couldnt care less now. it's downright stupid to damage my health on stuff i dont even think i like it all that much anymore. and what better occassion to do it than my birthday?? =)

yes, tomorrow i shall buy the very very very(i swear - of cos, unless i'm clubbing) last pack and that's it!

anyway, some entries i have missed blogging but didnt fail to write them down first.
10th march
I finally finished reading this book i bought and half-read 3 years back, after having it sitting on the shelf for a long time. Once began I couldn't think why I had left it so long. I was completely fascinated, once again, by the decription of life in Japan before and during WWII. yes, memoirs of a geisha.
and after finally finishing the whole book, i remembered why i stopped halfway 3 years back. it wasn't cos it's dry, as thought the reason initially. it was because i thought the story was supposedly a true one, and when i was reading it the first time, i kept questioning if it's a true story, how can one vividly recall each single detail right down to the core? and eventually i felt pretty frustrated and skipped to other books.
and having re-ignited these thought again, i went online and search for stuff mentioned in the book. like the poster of mameha, etc.. and well, i've come to find that the person of which nitta sayuri is based on is a real geisha born in 1949 of the name Mineko Iwasaki. She collaborated with the author Arthur Golden and created the novel you know identify as "Memoirs of a geisha".

Her details are as follows:
Born in 1949, Mineko Iwasaki began training in the arts of dance and etiquette when she was five years old. Soon after becoming a full-fledged geisha, Mineko was lauded as the star geisha of the Gion Kobu of Kyoto. She held that position until retirement at the age of twenty-nine. Now fifty-two, Mineko has one daughter and lives with her husband in a Kyoto suburb.
she has written a book by the name of Geisha, a life.

The person that the book most relates to in fact is the renowned geisha, Ichimaru Ichimatsuya Okiyamore information on her can be found at http://www.immortalgeisha.com/ig/bio_past.cfm?id=16

and so i read the last part of the book and realised that the author is pretty fucked. he said in the initial pages of the book that it's based on a true story then mention at the back that it's just a conjured up story inspirated by this geisha he talked to.

such a disappointment. i should have known these kinda beautiful endings only existed in made-up stories. but i love the innocent part of the young sayuri, when she saw bad things happening, she always thought up a possible good happening and 'believe' in it. that's so like me.

maybe that's why when i finally learnt that it was really a bad event taking place, i get double the disappointed feelings. =(

14th march (sandra, you were asking me what i was busy writing away in class? i was writing this. =))
'he who learns but does not think, is lost. he who thinks but does not learn is in great danger' -confucious
this was quoted by jeffrey during Art History class. i'm not the least bit impress and i honestly think it's crap. isnt it just a saying for having moderation in all aspects of life? which means it just re-igniting the obvious. yet a saying as such can be this honoured just cos it came from the supposedly great confucious - whom in my opinion is just someone who thinks too highly of himself. and i dislike him especially so for being the lot who thinks lowly of women and view them as a whole incapable and hindering lot.
and what kinda learner are you if you fail to allow yourself to see that women can do great wonders too? such a wise and knowledgeable old fuck but pity, he couldnt foresee how much women can do, and thus achieve equility in most places in the world now.
well, then, he Thinks too highly of himself - thus, puts him in the 'thinking too much' aspect. and yet, Stopped Learning cos he thought he was smart enough and never expect the unexpectants to happen - thus, the 'stop learning' part.

and to think that the people in the past honoured him that much. one thing that still happens now, people tend to think highly of ones who have excelled well in studies?

but of cos, it's not all that surprising that people of the past honoured him so greatly. considering the fact that people of the past were as silly as to believe in silly ideas as still being able to enjoy the life he/she had before death.
i'm talking about the kings and the 'nobles' of the past.
who are they to sacrifice the lives of others just so they wana enjoy the life they had and bring those companions to 'live after death' as well.
i cant say there wont be life after death for i have not meet it yet. but i'm sure i wont be silly enough to think that one can still enjoy the power they have when alive. when the king himself cant even foretell when or how he's gonna die or even stop himself from dying, cant he see that there are forces much more powerful and greater in this world, controlling us?
and having been a lousy king(you know he's a lousy king when he sacrifices life humans for his 'honoured' death) when blessed with such a good life, shouldnt he repent his sins rather than adding on to them?
and didnt he for once think that those 'companions who might really follow him after death' will seek revenge to torture him as 'souls that live on after death' rather than stil serving that old selfish fuck?

15th march
i fear revenge is sought after. what if april fool is gonna dawn on me that that just it? what will i do? who do i turn to?

23rd march
fashion design interview. i so bloody screwed it.
imagine me doing my most stupid and fugly and embarrasing and laughable act. maybe falling down three times in a row in a chunky platforms and ugly mine skirt. or the usual me gettin way too high and doing silly funny stuff in public.
ok now that you've that in mind, think of the most dramatic way i could have said, 'i'm so sorry! i'm so nervous i cant think of anything to say!' which came out super duper quick. and i was pinching my forehead and shaking my head so violently it might fall off.
yes. that was what i fucking did at such an important interview.
i cant stop cursing and swearing at myself. i dont blame the interviewer if he thinks i'm a mad case and refuse me of entry to the course.

24th march
was feeling super stressed out - by the outcome of the interview and by the workload from school, so decided to take a short walk home from serangoon mrt station. trust me when i say it took me a long long while to decide on doing so. i have becomed so bloody lazy nowadays that i would contemplate taking a cab home from there if i have enough money, instead of taking a bus - just so that i dont hafta walk home from the bus stop!
and no wonder i'm so fat and flabby now! urgh!
well anyw, i'm glad i did the walk. it got me thinking and clear my mind of bad thoughts. i remembered the funny moments i had with woo eepe, the sweet-loving tk has been giving me, my mom non-stop complaining that she's got a fat daughter, cassan and xy so faraway and yet memories of our good times so close, the stupid day out with vanessa that seems so long long ago! oh and, even the times when sulyn and i used to walk all the way from out secondary school back home after school. it's as far as walking from boonkeng to kovan station - i think. especially longer for me than sulyn cos i used to walk her to gardens where her house is nearby, then walk home again.
well, that's why i used to be way skinnier! and sulyn and i are crazy. we can not eat for a whole day and say stuff like we love the feeling of our stomachs growling. and those were the days when i used to do 700 situps per day. honestly!
i really really miss the figure i used to have. bad. =(
and so i got home after walking and started cycling on the stationary bicycle for like half an hour. heh.

oh and i too remember how much fun sulyn and i used to have when walking home. and look at us now...we dont even say hi when we see each other in town.

25th march
went to east coast beach with tk. and i swear i'm never gonna swim there again, unless there revamp and have clean toilets.
the whole place was so bloody reeking of indians and malays. sorry, i'm a forced racist here. forced meaning i dont usually hate them but their behaviours are so intolerable! argh.
i went to the toilet for a shower and the 3 fucking shower rooms are flooded with dirty water. and you know why? stupid inconsiderate people stuck the drains by throwing their bloody pads and whatnots there! and all the while i was bathing, my shoes are soaking up pee water. fuck fuck fuck!
and so after bathing, i started scrubbing my feet and wash my shoes at the basin. and when i was done and feeling a little cleaner already, 2 fucking malay kids hafta start kicking the water at each other. fucking idiots! pee water also nice to play!! and they even splashed some at me, when i was just feeling a little cleaner. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
and their mothers only say, 'eh dont play.' dunno how to go over to pul them aside so that they will really stop or in my opinion, they should even have slapped them right across their cheeks.

IDIOTS! -say in napoleon dynamite way.

26th march
went Paragon with 2 fave aunts and cousins to have japanese food for lunch. pretty good but uber expensive. persuaded them to head home earlier so that i can get on with my homework.
yeah right.
got home at 2.30pm and instead of doing my work, i felt so sleepy i took a nap instead. and i got up only at 6pm! wtf?
and thereafter, my 2 aunts brought me, sis, cousins and tk gallery hotel for some famous ramen. it was really good. and the atmostphere outside gallery hotel was pretty good too. shall bring eepei there to bum some time. =)
and there, finally got myself a rested, stress-free day i needed badly.

27th march
2 thumbs up for V for Vendetta. =)

28th march
GOT INTO FASHION DESIGN!!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D
got to school at 2.30pm with eepei and wanted to just rush to class initially. but all of sudden i felt this weird thing and i have a sudden need to look at the noticeboard for results. so i went... and there! my name was ticked!! so uber happy i literally skipped into class. haha. and throughout the day i could hardly sit still. i kept replaying and replaying the part where my eyes rested on my name and found a tick and felt this sense of delirium running through me. it felt so so good! and i kept wanting to go back again and again to check if my name is still tick - to make sure. haha...
and eepei and i had waffle icecream at cartel to celebrate and even caught a movie!

29th march
met joy at bishan at 7pm after rushing with my visual work, and had our usual eating routines. my, if we dont change this, we're both gonna get so bloody fat we cant walk. ok, mostly just me.
i had like a beef rice burger, corn soup and milk tea at mos burger. then, a chawanmushi, a plate of fried salmon and 2 sushis at sakae. and, 1 quat a waffle(which i would have eaten more had it not been found to be spoilt. ew.) and half a choc cake. all that just for dinner. and i haven mention the food i had during the day. bah!!!
then again, joy considered it to be a small early celebration for me. =)

Saturday, April 01, 2006 at 1:16 AM

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