'Goodmorning.i know ya dont wana see this.think i think abt it thoroughly and decided that we cant just start a time out with so many issues unresolved.i read ya blog this morning and thought there're things we need to discuss abt.timeout is time for us to cool,but not to severe msudst.just once.wed?'

these were your exact words. i got joy and eepei to help me read but both couldnt really deciphere what you're trying to say at some parts, until i explain to them your composition mistakes, and that's just cos i know you well. it shows how sincere you're in wanting to make things right between us. how long really, does it take you to reread your msg to see if it's deciperable before hitting the send button? you cant even dedicate full attention on something you deem important to you.


today, i suddenly remember how i moved on after the break up with you the last time. and yes, you're right, it was pretty easy for me. i was heartbroken and cried for a couple of days. then gradually, i got tired of even thinking of you, and to cry about losing you. and then i kept myself busy hanging out with friends, with work, with studies. i kept myself entertained. preoccupied.
and there, it feels just like when i am in a relationship with you. except that i dont live through every single day, wondering...and hoping... if i'll be able to see you today. if we'll have a nice enjoyable day if i do see you. how much attention will you shower on me when we do go out. and how much will i be on your mind when we dont.

but by saying these, i'm not saying that this time round, in this time out, i'm gradually putting you out of my mind, i'm trying to move on without you. no.
because i too remember though i seemed to have moved on then, deep down i still cant get over the fact that we both love each other so much but we just cant work out. i remember the countless nights when i just cant gt myself to sleep cos i was thinking and missing you that i typed out painful long msges for you, but never having the courage to hit the send button.


so stop calling or smsing me until you're really ready to put our past behind you and start anew with me. i dont want to be reminded of the pain i'm trying to stash away while you're away. i want to live through each day feeling at the very least, peaceful.
let me be selfish this once.

and about what you said about the misunderstandings we still have and the stuff we need to discuss about. leave it. there arent much misunstandings, really. it's just a matter of perception. the fact is that you're so stubborn you just cant make yourself change your way of thinking and really really understand my feelings. you just keep thinking of your own stand and stood by your own stand, thinking that you cant be wrong and thus, you keep having the idea that i'm the one misunderstanding you.
timeout isnt just about cooling down. it's also to let us both think through these so called misunderstandings between us. if those are more important than the person we love. timeout is to see how much we love each other. pr should i say(since i suggested it), how much you love me, need me, and want me to be back with you to thus, be able to put the past behind.

but then again. we can all sum it up as... it's not your wrong. nor mine. we're both not wrong. we're just too different. and maybe thus, incompatible. that's what joy's been telling me. she feels disappointed at what you said in our msn conversation. but she sums it to be that you're just not for me.
but the length of difference between us, we already know. and i've made myself embrace it. we cant help the fact that we have fallen for each other. so now, we've to try to work on making the differences, compatible.

i remember i was listening to dj Audrey on class95(i think) once. and she was telling a love story and she asked for listeners to sms in what they think love should be.
i went on listening for 15mins of countless people saying different things bout love and alot went like, 'love is when i find someone who's compatible to me.' 'love is bout finding someone who shares a lot in common.' 'i found someone last month who shares the exact same interests with me and i think i fall in love.'
so i sent in this message: 'love isnt about finding someone who's similar or compatible with you. love is something that you fall helplessly into and you make the differences compatible and the similarites sweeter.'
and before Audrey read out my sms, she said something like, 'oh i like this one. it pretty much sums up what i think...' *and she reads out my sms* then she said, 'yes, i think that's very true. we cant help falling in love with the wrong people sometimes, can we?'

20th apr, thurs.
spent like 3hours preparing and cooking porridge for tk in the afternoon and waited around for his reply on when we can meet to pass him the food.
he finally got to joy's place at 10pm after his tuition and had my porridge i heated up for him. and as he was eating, he was reading some stuff online while i watched tv by myself.
he thanked me profuselywith lots of kisses for the porridge.
but do i really need to hear that?
i only wish he spends more time with me.
and when we were walking home, i brought up the subject of pushing your saturdays tuitions earlier so we have more time together. and i could barely even say the reasons for my request and u brushed it off with impatience.
and i was there crying right beside you. and you didnt even know.
and i didnt want you to know. really.
but now i do.


cos it's how it all happened in the past too. when i was finally driven to wits ends to your negligence towards me. and falling in love with you means falling in love with loneliness. and everything finally screwed up cos i fell vulnerable to outside attraction.
and you boiled it down to my fault.
that i didnt love you enough to be able to hold on.
that you didnt see any of your girl-friends who will be like that.
that i was so weak and loose that i easily get attracted to other guys.

but i remember a time when i have no care for whatever attention any other guys had for me when i was with you.
i have no care about the handsome guys my friends are 'sight-seeing' on the streets.
i have no care for any other guy except you.
i remember xinyu and soohui saying how loyal i was in love when i dont share their sentiments of the cute guys they spot.
and it lasted a pretty long while.
until i finally cave into the emptiness in me.
but you never forget that it was my fault. that it was me who decided to step out of our relationship.

and last night...
we ended the conversation with the decision of a timeout.
it's the only way out i decide.
you cant love me wholeheartedly cos you cant get over the fact that i went astray - though you said you now understand you play a part in my wrong, after i spent 2hours talking to you about it. you just cant forgive and forget. but i feel, you still havent really understand what i have said in the past 2hrs.
and now, you also find it hard to love me cos you said you suddenly see new person in me.
you said that i've changed.
no. i've not changed.
i learnt a lot of things these past years and grew more mature, yes. but i haven really change much.
but it's you. you were in a relationship with a girl you didnt dont have time to get to know really well.
and as long as you cant put our past behind us, like i choose to do so, and try it all out with you again, this relationship isnt gonna work.

i choose to put the past behind us. and give everything a try again. to start all afresh. even though i'm aware of the shit i'll have to go through with you from past experiences. i choose to be stronger this time, but as much as i do want to be, i'm but human.
why tk, why? why cant you do the same too having claim that you love me a lot?

i was exhausted but i cant sleep.
i know i wont be able to sleep even though my eyes are so sore they barely open a slit.
and i so watched season2 of Lost.
and soon it's 4am. i've to sleep for the sake of getting up tomorrow.
but in bed, i cant sleep.
i tossed and turned and ended up pushing all my pillows, blankets and bolsters onto the floor.
i used to like the cosiness. i've 5 pillows, 3 bolsters and 2 blankets on my single-sized bed. it feels somehow more...secure?
and then, when i pushed everything off my bed. i suddenly feel kinda better. the bed is so empty and i can stretch however i like it.
then i squirmed up into a tight ball. and started crying again.
who was i kidding. i built my own sleeping fortress of 'faked' security even though it gets pretty uncomfortable to sleep in. and when i destroy it all myself, i cant live without it...
and gradually, i grew so tired of crying, i fell asleep on the floor with the pillows and all.

got up this morning, 11am, and felt the same wave of sadness that's been descending on me the whole week which cause me to cry uncontrollably everytime it happens.
and yes, i cried again.
and i cried again when i got downstairs and stare blankly at the morning tv programmes.
cried again as i was bathing.
cried again when i was in the cinema.
cried again when i was on the train on the way to neyton's place.
cried again when i was smoking.
and till now, my eyes are so puffy i had to lie to my mom that i rubbed them too hard.

and i got tired of trying not to think of you.
tired of keeping myself busy and entertained.
tired of cheering myself up.
tired of getting cheered up by joy and neyton.
tired of watching comedies to brighten my day.
tired of forcing myself to laugh.
tired of smoking. (yes, i smoked quite abit today. sorry it's a promise i cant keep. there, another reason to consider if u still love this me.)
and really, tired of crying and crying like i'm in some taiwan soap opera.


how was your day vera?




you said you dont mind anything of me.
you said you love everything bout me. (except smoking, you later added)
you said all these when you wanted me back.
but you do mind a lot of stuff bout me.
and you're indeed skeptical bout loving everything bout me.

but how was your day vera?


i dont know. it feels like the end of the world.

today's horoscope reads...

The Bottom Line
Like a painter, you need to take time to step back and look at your masterpiece.
In Detail
Today you take the reins. Maybe you're on a carousel riding your favorite lilac horse next to your sweetie pie, who is riding their favorite sea-foam green dragon. Maybe you're the office's version of an old-fashioned stagecoach driver. Either way, you've got everything (including your trusty steed) under control. The golden ring is going to hit its mark! The carousel bell is going to ring! The mail is going to arrive! Whew.

and i have one word for it: CRAP.


i hate you but i love you.
why do i always hafta hang around, and wait for you to be free so you'll finally think of me and of meeting me.
mondays, usually after school, i travel to jurong to accompany you home, after your work. and sometimes hafta wait around till you knock off late from OT.
tuesdays, i get up early to travel 1.5hrs to jurong to have 1hr lunch with you then head to school.
wednesdays, my only day off school but you have to work.
thursdays, like mondays, i went to jurong after school to accompany you to my cousin's place at bishan for tuition and hang around at my cousin's place till you end.
fridays, we dont usually meet. and it's understandable if you say cos you've been workin all week and you wana rest. but all of a sudden you're telling me you're playing soccer with friends EVERY FUCKING FRIDAY.
saturdays, you tuitor till evening and leave a couple of hours to hang out with me. but where can we go with my parents so irritatingly strict on my these days? not enough time for movies. no money for shopping. no more appetite for dinner. and why cant you push your tuitions earlier so we can meet like in the late afternoon?
sundays, you have got tuition the whole day so we dont meet.

i can understand you've got lots of commitment and you barely have time for me. but when i make effort to go all the way to jurong to find you, at least be nicer to me can? like yesterday, i barely said more then 2 sentences and you lost your patience at me. and it's not like i was lecturing you or what. i was merely telling you a joke.
i can understand how tired you get by your workload and wouldnt want to meet me sometimes. but how can i go on being that understanding when you reserve fridays for soccer. and by saturdays when we finally go out in the evening, you'll be so drained our outings will sum to as good as nothing.
i dont have an issue with you hanging out with your friends. nor with your playing soccer. but your back's old injury has been a prob for too long, dont you think playing soccer every friday is gonna be a big strain on your old injury?
i can understand that you've got lots of financial difficulties and dont have money to bring me out and when we do, we go on dutch. i also dont mind to fork out more for some of your stuff so long we're both happy. i can thus, also understand you dont buy me gifts, not even on special occassions.
and even when you promise you'll get me something, dont count on that to make me happy. cos i never need a 'bought gift' to make me happy.
if i can choose having a quiet friday or saturday out with a refreshed and well-rested you to a $100 topshop voucher, i'd flush the latter into the toilet bowl and choose to hang out with you.

break ups after break ups after break ups. but we still have the same issues as before. you often say you're trying, and i know you're. but in many areas, i do think you could have been more thoughtful and meticulous with the things you do.
cassan says, 'mayb you dont love him whole-heartedly to accept him for what he can do and what he cant do too.'
maybe.
but at the same time, i feel this heart-wrenching pain in myself. is it really?
i'm also human. there is a certain limit i can take. and why should i even be the one to be going through all these?
why is it that i see sandra's and lionel's blog, they're all bout how often they see each other and how sweet they're to each other. and when i hang out with joy, she's always got neyton by her side.
i'm very very tired.
but i love you so much. i refuse to let this go again...
and on days like this, i cant do much but silently cry my heart out.

8:27 - reached home.
8:35 - went to bathe.
8:55 - uninstall former freehand and reinstall.
9:07 - open new freehand and realise same fuckin prob. my fuckin com ate up all my tools in freehand. how to bloody do an assignment without the tools.
9:23 - reinstall freehand again.
9:38 - watched a little of tv.
10:00 - attempt to use newly installed freehand again. fuck fuck fuck. no tools again.
10:03 - try to put all known tools into 'toolbox'.
10:34 - finished outline of the face, with very crooked lines. who's to be blamed but myself the lazy bum who always sleep during media lesson. nevertheless, i just wana hand in something so that's that.
10:35 - trying to find the right colour tone for my face.
10:40 - so bloody impossible. it's either too green or too brown. cheebye.
10:41 - called sandra. WHERE'S THE BLOODY PAINT BUCKET??? i cant even customise my toolbox to add it in. knnccb.
10:55 - tried a tone of very light brown. and i was thinking, 'luckily i was watching how sandra was adding the colours the other day, seems pretty easy...' then, 'wtf, where did all the other fucking outlines of the facial features go???'
10:57 - staring at a screen with just the outline of the faceshape in light brown tone. all others lines gone.
10:59 - click somewhere else. and viola. only the background picture i was using to trace out the face is shown. everything else vanish.
11:01 - decided my fucking com is indeed hungry.
11:03 - called wan.


ok, seems like i hafta keep my fingers crossed that wan can help me solve this prob tmr night or i'll be so dead.

please, vera, stop being so lazy and procrastinate everything to the very last minute next year!!!! argh. *slap myself*


11:22 - seems like a good night to sleep early. =)

today's horoscop says...
The Bottom Line
You need to flesh out some things today. Make sure you have every detail covered.

In Detail
You've done a good job lately. Yes you have. Haven't you? Be honest: You have! So stop pushing. You've gathered a whole heck of a lot of momentum and you can darned well let yourself coast. Not only can you, but you should. It will save gas for later on when you might need an extra push. So put your feet up and take a long, drawn-out, well-deserved breath. Give those tired doggies a rest!


yes. thank you very much.

at the end of a day that started bad but ended fine...
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.................................

one more hour and it marks the end of the day i start 20.
and again i'm crying so hard.
why doesnt anything go right? ="(

[edited]

the cig shaking in my hand
my room reeking of the other 2 i just had
and my nose, bleeding, having cried so hard
and by the end of the cry
i dont even rmb what i was crying for
or if there's even any need to get so upset over it
it's stupid
i fucked my start of the 20th year up myself
like the past 4months i had
i'm the stub of my own fuck ups
i think too much, so they said

why am i such an emotional wreck



- doing my visual hw in the afternoon when the electricity jumped and my com got switched off and all the work that i was doing the past 3hours is as good as being flushed down the toilet bowl. (it's ok, i can always re-do)
- birthday wishes. the ones i thought would, never come. (i have other sweets and unexpected ones too)
- spotting the single status which led to thoughts i didnt wana think bout hte past 24hrs. how much effort have u put in givin me a nice bday? (he did give me the best he could. i was being silly)
- members sms-ing me that the work they're supposed to do cannot be done in time. (eventually everything will work out)
- dad lashing me bout the slightest things-like, i wana order soup during dinner (he was the one who suggested bringing me to jack's place for my bday. i should be happy bout it)
- bro teasingly insulting and insulting me i cant take it no more (he's always like that)
- mom knows bout the reconcile (doesnt matter, sooner or later issue)
- and the media hw i've done in school says corrupted files, which i'm already late in submission (i have the next 24hrs to re-do in school)

this is my birthday. weee. (it's ok, birthdays are just self-conjured days to be celebrated. there are better things to look forward to)

i haven been posting as much as i would love to. and it's because school's been such a bitch-i swear it's a she.

as i lie in bed browsing through blogs after blogs and listening to 'i found a reason by catpower' the 12th time, i was secretly contemplating a 2nd stick(right after the 4th one i had jus 10mins ago) - it does makes me feel very very guilty if i break my 4 sticks er day rule. and in the end i horridly gave in to my stupid craving but by half the stick, i was already sick of it.
when the hell did i get myself so nicotine reliant???

it stinks up my breathe, my clothes, and my room! it's so bad i hafta light like 5 aroma scented oil-i-dunno-what to be satisfied that my room smells good. plus, i dont even understand why i fuck i'm riskin my life over these sticks and why the hell i should put myself in danger of my rents knowin by smoking at home. it's downright stupid. i know it yet i'm still doing it. bah.

anyw, i might just quit smoking all in all starting from this sun. the initial plan was to quit slow, by reducing little by week, cos i really dowana get sick right now with the amount of workload i get. but i guess i couldnt care less now. it's downright stupid to damage my health on stuff i dont even think i like it all that much anymore. and what better occassion to do it than my birthday?? =)

yes, tomorrow i shall buy the very very very(i swear - of cos, unless i'm clubbing) last pack and that's it!


anyway, some entries i have missed blogging but didnt fail to write them down first.
10th march
I finally finished reading this book i bought and half-read 3 years back, after having it sitting on the shelf for a long time. Once began I couldn't think why I had left it so long. I was completely fascinated, once again, by the decription of life in Japan before and during WWII. yes, memoirs of a geisha.
and after finally finishing the whole book, i remembered why i stopped halfway 3 years back. it wasn't cos it's dry, as thought the reason initially. it was because i thought the story was supposedly a true one, and when i was reading it the first time, i kept questioning if it's a true story, how can one vividly recall each single detail right down to the core? and eventually i felt pretty frustrated and skipped to other books.
and having re-ignited these thought again, i went online and search for stuff mentioned in the book. like the poster of mameha, etc.. and well, i've come to find that the person of which nitta sayuri is based on is a real geisha born in 1949 of the name Mineko Iwasaki. She collaborated with the author Arthur Golden and created the novel you know identify as "Memoirs of a geisha".

Her details are as follows:
Born in 1949, Mineko Iwasaki began training in the arts of dance and etiquette when she was five years old. Soon after becoming a full-fledged geisha, Mineko was lauded as the star geisha of the Gion Kobu of Kyoto. She held that position until retirement at the age of twenty-nine. Now fifty-two, Mineko has one daughter and lives with her husband in a Kyoto suburb.
she has written a book by the name of Geisha, a life.

The person that the book most relates to in fact is the renowned geisha, Ichimaru Ichimatsuya Okiyamore information on her can be found at http://www.immortalgeisha.com/ig/bio_past.cfm?id=16

and so i read the last part of the book and realised that the author is pretty fucked. he said in the initial pages of the book that it's based on a true story then mention at the back that it's just a conjured up story inspirated by this geisha he talked to.

such a disappointment. i should have known these kinda beautiful endings only existed in made-up stories. but i love the innocent part of the young sayuri, when she saw bad things happening, she always thought up a possible good happening and 'believe' in it. that's so like me.

maybe that's why when i finally learnt that it was really a bad event taking place, i get double the disappointed feelings. =(


14th march (sandra, you were asking me what i was busy writing away in class? i was writing this. =))
'he who learns but does not think, is lost. he who thinks but does not learn is in great danger' -confucious
this was quoted by jeffrey during Art History class. i'm not the least bit impress and i honestly think it's crap. isnt it just a saying for having moderation in all aspects of life? which means it just re-igniting the obvious. yet a saying as such can be this honoured just cos it came from the supposedly great confucious - whom in my opinion is just someone who thinks too highly of himself. and i dislike him especially so for being the lot who thinks lowly of women and view them as a whole incapable and hindering lot.
and what kinda learner are you if you fail to allow yourself to see that women can do great wonders too? such a wise and knowledgeable old fuck but pity, he couldnt foresee how much women can do, and thus achieve equility in most places in the world now.
well, then, he Thinks too highly of himself - thus, puts him in the 'thinking too much' aspect. and yet, Stopped Learning cos he thought he was smart enough and never expect the unexpectants to happen - thus, the 'stop learning' part.

and to think that the people in the past honoured him that much. one thing that still happens now, people tend to think highly of ones who have excelled well in studies?

but of cos, it's not all that surprising that people of the past honoured him so greatly. considering the fact that people of the past were as silly as to believe in silly ideas as still being able to enjoy the life he/she had before death.
i'm talking about the kings and the 'nobles' of the past.
who are they to sacrifice the lives of others just so they wana enjoy the life they had and bring those companions to 'live after death' as well.
i cant say there wont be life after death for i have not meet it yet. but i'm sure i wont be silly enough to think that one can still enjoy the power they have when alive. when the king himself cant even foretell when or how he's gonna die or even stop himself from dying, cant he see that there are forces much more powerful and greater in this world, controlling us?
and having been a lousy king(you know he's a lousy king when he sacrifices life humans for his 'honoured' death) when blessed with such a good life, shouldnt he repent his sins rather than adding on to them?
and didnt he for once think that those 'companions who might really follow him after death' will seek revenge to torture him as 'souls that live on after death' rather than stil serving that old selfish fuck?


15th march
i fear revenge is sought after. what if april fool is gonna dawn on me that that just it? what will i do? who do i turn to?


23rd march
fashion design interview. i so bloody screwed it.
imagine me doing my most stupid and fugly and embarrasing and laughable act. maybe falling down three times in a row in a chunky platforms and ugly mine skirt. or the usual me gettin way too high and doing silly funny stuff in public.
ok now that you've that in mind, think of the most dramatic way i could have said, 'i'm so sorry! i'm so nervous i cant think of anything to say!' which came out super duper quick. and i was pinching my forehead and shaking my head so violently it might fall off.
yes. that was what i fucking did at such an important interview.
i cant stop cursing and swearing at myself. i dont blame the interviewer if he thinks i'm a mad case and refuse me of entry to the course.


24th march
was feeling super stressed out - by the outcome of the interview and by the workload from school, so decided to take a short walk home from serangoon mrt station. trust me when i say it took me a long long while to decide on doing so. i have becomed so bloody lazy nowadays that i would contemplate taking a cab home from there if i have enough money, instead of taking a bus - just so that i dont hafta walk home from the bus stop!
and no wonder i'm so fat and flabby now! urgh!
well anyw, i'm glad i did the walk. it got me thinking and clear my mind of bad thoughts. i remembered the funny moments i had with woo eepe, the sweet-loving tk has been giving me, my mom non-stop complaining that she's got a fat daughter, cassan and xy so faraway and yet memories of our good times so close, the stupid day out with vanessa that seems so long long ago! oh and, even the times when sulyn and i used to walk all the way from out secondary school back home after school. it's as far as walking from boonkeng to kovan station - i think. especially longer for me than sulyn cos i used to walk her to gardens where her house is nearby, then walk home again.
well, that's why i used to be way skinnier! and sulyn and i are crazy. we can not eat for a whole day and say stuff like we love the feeling of our stomachs growling. and those were the days when i used to do 700 situps per day. honestly!
i really really miss the figure i used to have. bad. =(
and so i got home after walking and started cycling on the stationary bicycle for like half an hour. heh.

oh and i too remember how much fun sulyn and i used to have when walking home. and look at us now...we dont even say hi when we see each other in town.


25th march
went to east coast beach with tk. and i swear i'm never gonna swim there again, unless there revamp and have clean toilets.
the whole place was so bloody reeking of indians and malays. sorry, i'm a forced racist here. forced meaning i dont usually hate them but their behaviours are so intolerable! argh.
i went to the toilet for a shower and the 3 fucking shower rooms are flooded with dirty water. and you know why? stupid inconsiderate people stuck the drains by throwing their bloody pads and whatnots there! and all the while i was bathing, my shoes are soaking up pee water. fuck fuck fuck!
and so after bathing, i started scrubbing my feet and wash my shoes at the basin. and when i was done and feeling a little cleaner already, 2 fucking malay kids hafta start kicking the water at each other. fucking idiots! pee water also nice to play!! and they even splashed some at me, when i was just feeling a little cleaner. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
and their mothers only say, 'eh dont play.' dunno how to go over to pul them aside so that they will really stop or in my opinion, they should even have slapped them right across their cheeks.

IDIOTS! -say in napoleon dynamite way.


26th march
went Paragon with 2 fave aunts and cousins to have japanese food for lunch. pretty good but uber expensive. persuaded them to head home earlier so that i can get on with my homework.
yeah right.
got home at 2.30pm and instead of doing my work, i felt so sleepy i took a nap instead. and i got up only at 6pm! wtf?
and thereafter, my 2 aunts brought me, sis, cousins and tk gallery hotel for some famous ramen. it was really good. and the atmostphere outside gallery hotel was pretty good too. shall bring eepei there to bum some time. =)
and there, finally got myself a rested, stress-free day i needed badly.


27th march
2 thumbs up for V for Vendetta. =)


28th march
GOT INTO FASHION DESIGN!!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D
got to school at 2.30pm with eepei and wanted to just rush to class initially. but all of sudden i felt this weird thing and i have a sudden need to look at the noticeboard for results. so i went... and there! my name was ticked!! so uber happy i literally skipped into class. haha. and throughout the day i could hardly sit still. i kept replaying and replaying the part where my eyes rested on my name and found a tick and felt this sense of delirium running through me. it felt so so good! and i kept wanting to go back again and again to check if my name is still tick - to make sure. haha...
and eepei and i had waffle icecream at cartel to celebrate and even caught a movie!


29th march
met joy at bishan at 7pm after rushing with my visual work, and had our usual eating routines. my, if we dont change this, we're both gonna get so bloody fat we cant walk. ok, mostly just me.
i had like a beef rice burger, corn soup and milk tea at mos burger. then, a chawanmushi, a plate of fried salmon and 2 sushis at sakae. and, 1 quat a waffle(which i would have eaten more had it not been found to be spoilt. ew.) and half a choc cake. all that just for dinner. and i haven mention the food i had during the day. bah!!!
then again, joy considered it to be a small early celebration for me. =)