Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

last night was a nightmare relived from the old sec sch days.
brought classmates over to my place for filming and wore a short shorts so that it'd be easy to change in and out of my uniform which was my 'costume' for the filming.
and dad has to come up and see me in my micro shorts and blow this top.
chased my classmates out and yelled at me.
got to sandra's place to do the shooting instead.
thank goodness for shawn's rushing down for some comforting.
but then again, filming was pretty fun, made me laugh quite a bit before shawn came.
bummed a little at hg mall with shawn before leaving for home at 10pm.
and dad started calling.
'where are you.'
'walkin in lor..'
-slam phone-

5mins later..
'where are you.'
'right outside house gate?'
-slam phone-

he opened door for me and as soon as i got in, he pushed me to one side and started locking everything up.
then he yelled at me,
'tell me one good reason why you're wearing such short shorts in front of those guys!'
-silence-
'you'd better tell me why or i'll hit you.'
'but there's no why...?'
slap slap slap.
'dont say it's nothing.
dont think you're in design school so you can do whatever you want.
if you dont know how to love yourself, then quit your school now.
dont disgrace yourself.'
slap slap.
'dont think i relax on you means you can do anything you want.
you're so useless.
so old already still dont know how to think.
imature and brainless.
staying back, changing course and going to design school.
and now flashing your flesh in front of your friends.
do you know what's shame?!'
-slap-
-switched off all lights and headed upstairs, leaving me in the dark.-

my hair was all over my face and you didnt see how my nose was bleeding from your slaps.
yes, neither were you able to see how a fool you've made of yourself.
the only person that was put to shame, was yourself. a 40+ years old man who knows nuts about anger management and flare in front of your daughter's friends, then, got ignored and shrugged off by your wife and your younger sister.
and disgrace. dont talk about disgrace cos only in your perspect, is wearing a short shorts disgraceful. only in your perspect that you see the extra mount of thigh flesh the least bit arousing, for all others have enough of boobsies-tits online and nice asses to boot that no one gives a fuck for my flesh, except you. why are you even looking at your daughter's thighs in the first place?
and just because you dont get any support of your stand by your wife and your younger sister, that doesnt mean that you can trash it out all on me.
and this display of low anger management and then trashing your anger on me without analysing, shows how 'very mature' you are.

initially, i was feeling terrible as i was on my way to sandra's. i was thinking that it's all my fault i didnt think properly before wearing the shorts. i even thought of apologising to you even when you yelled at me in front of my friends and called them unhuman-like, infront of them.
but your posing such a question to me when i got home dissolves all means from my side to ever be nice to you again. 'give you a reason' you say. so fucking what if i give you a reason? would you even take it even if it's reasonable? even if it makes sense? no. you wouldnt. everyone knows you too well. you just needed to hit me that's all. you just needed to yell at me. you just needed to flare your anger so that you show who is still the 'biggest' in the family.
well, so what if you do show that you've got the power? you lose all respect. all.

sometimes i just feel like running away from this very life i'm leading to somewhere no one knows me so i can start everything afresh and not be reminded of my past.
running away from reality everyone says.
well, why not? when reality seems a tad too cruel.

cassan and xinyu are flying off this weekend and i barely have enough time to spend with time with the amount of schoolwork i have.
plus shawn and my 'relationship' aint the best thing either.
yes, i think the girls are right. well drag on with this shithole when i've got scores of admirers? why not just release myself from this pain when i've got the choice. after all, he cant even tell me if he's still thinking of his ex or not or if he loves me. why share a guy, am i even that magnanimous? i dont think so.
but then... how easy is it do put my words to action... especially with valentine's around the corner? (yes, sadly, i'm one of those who took the highly-commercialised meaning of what valentine's day is about.)

with all these going on, of cos, i cant help but feel a tad too shitty than i would have allowed myself.

Thursday, February 09, 2006 at 12:21 AM

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