Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

calender girl - the stars

If I am lost for a day; try and find me

But if I don’t come back, then I won’t look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is the darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won’t make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night
Calendar girl whos in love with the world

Stay alive

Calendar Girl whos in love with the world

Stay alive
I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there,please don’t let me die

But I can’t live forever,I can’t always breath

One day I’ll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning, I’ll mark off each day with a cross

And I’ll laugh about all that we’ve lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

January,February,March,April,May I’m alive

June,July,August,September,October I’m alive

November,December,yah all through the winter, I’m alive

I’m alive

late night silly thoughts that got mass sent out to ones i hope might care.
"let me tell you a little bout life without shawn...
i listen to the same old list of songs i burnt for him during valentines day, just so i can have the slightest feeling that maybe things were still the same, that he hadnt said we cannot be anything, and i can still hold on to the glimmer of hope.
i walked to his house with a box of Brands chicken essence for his upcoming exams, only to walk away upon reaching his gates.
i sit around typing out numerous smses for him but only hit the send button once, which i still do regret.
i take buses with friends but act as though i'm alone just so i can imagine i'm with him, but we dont talk-lonely.
i muster some courage to get to know other guys and then on the 2nd sentence, i start to drift away cos it's not him i'm seeing.
i dare not look at another guy in his eyes for fear that i might start visualising shawn in them.
i no longer live by my phones and how many times i smile when his msg comes in, i live by counting the number of days he's left and secretly counting to the day i hope he'll be back.
i call him having missed him too much, only to want to end the call as soon as he sounds he's moved on just fine.
i want him to be happy, yet i want him to be mine.
i want to forget him yet i still want him in my life.
i want to move on yet my mind cant go on a fast forward mde just so i can get myself over this quickly, and tell myself there isnt a him who entered halfway in my life.
it's hard to love him, but even harder to forget him.
this is like wanting to hold on to the shadow of him that's diminishing down the lighted hallway."

and yes, they do care...

all the way from aussieland,
cassandra:
'hello dear... this is my aussie no. ahead for me to msg u with this but reply to my sg-line-it's free for u to msg there! take care sweet, n we'll bitch n laugh at all those assholes when i'm back k! things will be alright girl.. -big big bear hug- love u =>'
xinyu:
'hi boobsie babe!! so glad to hear from you. but not so glad to know that you ain't doing so well. i'm alright la but could be better if i'm home! call ya soon!'

back in singapore:
eepei:
'btw i reach home le...ya...eventually we end up e same we r jus carrying a glimpse tat he will b ours...forgetting is veri cruelsometimes i jus chose rem e most beautiful memories as though they r a part of my life lik a happy tune tar play in my heart now n then..tat will made ufeels lots lots better...really..lik me,i really hope *** had e best in life wif his gf but stil there's a voice whispering 'IF he was mine' ha inlife somethings hav to b laugh away...:)'
(beautiful sotong gave me a hard time deciphering what she's trying to say with all her words sticking together. haha.)
justin(surprise!):
'it nvr is easy moving on, it will take some time before u completely get over it, but u eventually will. tho if u dnt think abt it n let it bother u so much, ull find it way easier to live thru'
eliza:
'vera,much as i love u as a friend,i stil must let u accept the fact.SHAWN IS GONE.the truth ALWAYS hurts my dear there's no point in lying to yourself cause u'll just be living a lie.yea i know u do love him alot even though u guys ve been tgt for only a short period of time.but my dear girl,there's no way we can help u if all u want to do is lie to yourself and keep believing he's stil ard u know..maybe u cant help it,but if that's the case,u have toforce yourself.'
sandra:
'we both have sentiments, but why make it miserable whe its already hurting too much. if being alone to imagine what its like with him helps ease the pain i can do nothing to stop you, but it vexes us all when we see with our own eyes, you crumbling away. i may look strong trying to walk on but you alsoknow i sent that very message that i regret, so much so that i want to turn my back on loving him. maybe they say if u truly love someone all u need is to see that they're happy and you'll be contended. i dont know how much of it is true, maybe all i can do is await by your side while u reside in the hole you've fallen in because i myself find it more comforting lying in there and hiding from reality, its easier that way. but when u feel strong enough tocarry on and climb out, i'll be there inching you out. take baby steps, nobody's asking fir a miracle. somethings cannot be forcefully forgotten.'

and plus a note that's written by joy, i'll add in another time... haha, lazy liao.

anyway, it's sandra's and eliza's msges that 'most woke me up'. i start to feel digusted with how i'm wallowing in self pity and sitting in this fugly hole messing and messing with the shit and not allowing myself to get up. so here i am, i told myself this afternoon when i got their msges, that i'm definitely gonna move on right now and stop myself from having silly thoughts out shawn anymore. =)
and to sandra and eliza, who brightened my day the most, and who kept my friday packed with cam-whoring and took care of my needs the whole day, i love love love you guys soOoo much!!

a little something for you guys. =)
as i sat here alone
with soft rock music blasting in my ears
the waves paddling softly on the sand at on point
then splashing madly the next
and the raindrops
making small sunken tits in the soft sand
raining down on me
then shining all bright again the next
just like how my mood has been the past few days
and i
smoking till each stick burns to an end
and then automatically reaching for the next
and then the next
and then smiling at these 2 crazy girls
and reaching for my cammie to take snapshots of how happy they are
so that if ever a day
they feel as lousy as i did
(cos we never will know what tomorrow might bring)
they can look back at this day
and smile
we've all been this happy before
yes.

Saturday, February 25, 2006 at 10:38 PM

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