Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

clubbing last night ended in a mess.
mambo night and the music,
the atmosphere and the crowd,
i was almost on high without drinking.
then came the booze,
to dance without having to hold a jug of garbish,
2 silly girls downed a whole jug of long island through straws,
in less than 10 fucken minutes.
a strong liquor, they say.
it didnt fail to live up to its name.
vicious, it is what i'll say,
to 2 girls who had no idea.
to 2 girls who had completely no intentions of gettin drunk.

the world's started spinning
the girls on high
the dancing merely started
but the stamina worn thin
everything seems too surreal
they cant even hold themselves upright
get a grip the brain is telling
the legs have lost their grooves
and their hold
walking in a mass of stumblings and frailing hands
oh that swirling.
fuck those brains that control no more

so out they went for some air.
a walk.
and to wake up.
only to find themselves sinking in further.
get a grip.
the brains kept yelling.
all that frustration.
the fun they wanted to have started melting away
as they puked their guts out.

and i was losing losing my guts.
leaving me in a shell.
so lost so empty.
as though the people in the world whom i need
are no longer there.
this feeling,
so scary and so alone.
so helpless and so disappointed.
disappointed with myself,
for allowing myself to get into something i've always sworn against.
i could have been raped for godsake.
i could have been robbed and killed.
and i thought i can take care of myself just fine.
obstinence finally let slip.
i'm really sorry to my parents who has been placing much trust in me.

tonight those feelings revives.
barely 24hours since the ordeal.
and besides those shit, i am also thinking of someone i should not.
someone i should have long forgotten.
someone whom i cant avoid seeing once too often.
it's nights like these that i wonder if i've been living a lie i've made to myself.
after all, how can 1years 9months diminish to nothingness?
or have i just become too heartless.

this feeling of lost and frustration.
i can do nothing but cry the tears that has been held back too long.

and listening to wai mian by zhou xun,
makes me cry even harder.

Friday, December 23, 2005 at 2:22 AM

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