should i do this, or this. does he think this is funny am i too pushy, am i distant. does he want to see me, does he hate me. here i'll wait by the phone he sleeps his day away.. no i don't want this ignorance from you, i will make it sound. yes of course you look wonderful. and no no no whatever you do do not leave.these crumpled pieces of paper, and the room that's still strewn with piles of junks. this neck that's still got your scent.
this relationship that makes me so at lost.
no, this me that makes people run. this me that loses everything in relationships. this me that didnt want a relationship.
this me that's caught in one.
this me that has stop being me.
relationship is scary.
it takes away all ability to not love, to stop loving, to walk away, to stand on my own, to stop wondering silly thoughts.
it gives me the power to drive love away.
and the independency that flies out of the window.
what the fuck am i so paranoid of?