a little wry smile.
the bent tree(our joke) no longer funny.
instead the crude bend mocks a representation of your image of me now.
i wish to say let's sit a little longer and we'll talk.
except pride is running a little too feverish.
my head telling me it's not my wrong, dont worry.
and of course, there's too, this me that cant speak.
cant speak my mind
on crucial times.
ask me to tell this or that person off.
and i will.
(with reasons of course.)
do note: my bark is just fiercer than my bite.but anything that deals with thy heart.
i stutter and fucked.
yes, i've once again done a vera and fucked myself up. should have known that this guy who, thinks girls who get too close to guys when they're not
together are flirty-bitchy, would have not have thought any lesser of a girl who doesnt mind one-night stand. single or not.
that's like a slut he puts.
yeah, so i said, "i'm someone who wouldnt mind a one night stand, when unattached."
as much as i personally see nothing wrong in the above sentence, i realised mid-way that i've put it all wrong. i wanted very much to put things right by saying, then, the below. except i might well be seen by him as merely trying to salvage the situation, with lies. and thus i did not. but i cant hold it in myself, i feel a need to put it down, in this entry. and so here it is.
what i meant was that i wouldnt mind a one night stand when i come to a point of realization that i'll never find a soulmate in this life. or that when i've lost all abilities to love anyone, anymore. or that i've been single for a long while and yearn for some company for a night.
simple put, what i say/mean now doesnt quite matter, does it? cos we're never gonna know what's gonna lie in the future for us.
ok ok, cut that crap,
ultimately, i only meant that i do not discriminate girls who do one-night stand. if guys are not seen as bastards sleeping with different girls, why cant girls be the same.
and
sexism(i'm not all that sure if there's such a word) is just one point.
to the next. quoted right from him, 'sex is a form of expressing.' so why should expressing oneself on nights of need, to an unrelated guy due to the inability to commitment, be slutty?
to me, the word slutty only comes to term with girls who are attached and still sleep around, or girls who try all means by 'cheapening' herself to get a guy to bed.
for example: showing a guy she just got to know/meet, naked pictures of her/videos of her performing oral. or having to persuade the guy, time and again, and resort to means of fiddling with his dick, etc. to have sex with her.
and that's just my take on being slutty-for now.
finally, if
you still think that i'm a slut, for whatever reasons you've in mind, all i can say is, our relationship is not gonna work out.