Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

I had ended the previous entry with “my dearest grandma”, and since I still feel terribly bad after speaking too loudly to her about some annoying issue created by my irritating aunt, I shall dedicate today’s entry to this wonderful woman who had took care of me when I was but a baby.
I remember the times when she cuddled and kissed me with her wrinkly lip, the times she carried me with her frail hands to my cot to soothe me to sleep and the times she chased me around the house at least 5 pace slower than me just to make me have my bath.
I too remember the rebellious and angry girl I was, pinching her when she forbade me to draw on the wall. I had screamed and shouted at her when told not to do this or that. All these ‘bad’ memories that she probably has forgotten by now, have been clinging guiltily and regretfully on my chest like a rock.
The naughty and cheeky girl that I was (and still am), liked to pull her large pieces of bras and underwear out from her wardrobe and fling them around. The more embarrassing moments include having a relative opening the lower door of the fridge and looking at granny undies, instead of vegetables; and the time when I flung her bra into the big pot of steamboat in the middle of the dining table; and of course, the usual Ultraman performance with her panties worn on my head.
While the kind of enjoyment and humor we both derived from these episodes are very much different then, we never fail to have lots of laugh with each other.
My grandma has always been someone who loves cleanliness a lot and she will get paranoid of the slightest bit of dirt on the floor, of my feet getting black, of me kissing and leaving saliva stains on the windows, etc. I remember the painful memory of her scrubbing my feet and hands raw with the dishwasher sponge when my dad drew cartoons on them. I was wailing and screaming from pain while she kept mumbling, heedlessly, “you dirty, dirty girl!” Nevertheless, this lady who is so afraid of being dirty, allowed me to give her short, perm hair a wash by spitting saliva onto her head. Yes, saliva, and not just the watery kind. I would make sure it was the foamy kind so that it resembled the look of shampoo on hair. And she laughed about it to my parents.
Most of these memories have clung on to my grandma and have been retold again and again, especially when she sees me on Chinese New Years. She would re-count of the little girl who came back from preschool and start peeling all her clothes off. Stripped bare to her panties, she would lie on the cool marble floor and demand for a: BIG, BLACK bottle of RIBENA. Then she would affectionately announce that that little girl is now a big, pretty girl.
My grandma though exceptionally loving to her grandchildren, can be quite a miser. She used to eat instant noodles and biscuits for meals just to save the extra buck, even when she could have been chewing on big chunks of abalones everyday. Thus it had been expected that she had always been giving the smallest red packets among our relatives, 6bucks per grandchild.
Up till last year, I was very amazed to find an increase to the red packet. Mine held the much loved, big, blue note of 50 dollars and I was suspicious if her eyes were failing her. When questioned if she had packed wrongly, she brushed it off with a wave of her hand and said, “I don’t know if I can even live to another Chinese New Year, so why not!”
Those simple words sent a weird chill down my spine and left me feeling immensely sad. I wanted to tell her off for speaking like that. I wanted to show my resentment for cursing herself. But I could not. Neither could I stop the tears from welling up.

Death is more than a scary thought.

Friday, February 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM

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