this old friend chatted up with me in msn just now. was asking me if i'm still attached and yes, i said, same guy. and she went, wth still that poor freak.. blah blah blah... as usual, i was about to defend my poor guy and tell her how great he actually is, when i stop.
instead, i went on to tell her how horrid he's been. always maximising my flaws, dirty-minded, over-focus at times and everything.. triump ceased to come. and i felt tears rolling down.
i dont know if it's because of camomile's "my love" playing on my hi-fi or the fact i'm retaliating and complaining to the person i'd least talk bad about my bf to.
i dont understand, never will. you said. and you, how much have you understood about me?
i can remember and describe exactly how your face wrinkle and your eyes crinkle into a laugh and how sweet you look that way. i can tell you how i know u hate seeing horrid things and how you'll flinch at the sight of my broken nail. i can tell you how focus you can be at your studies and while you're at it, you'll have this intensed look on your face. i can remember how happy you reacted and how you looked when i bought u lao po bing. i can smile dumbly as i recall how you hate, even the slightest ticklish touch.
you?
that i'm a big spendthrift who doesnt know how to save and likes to splurge all the time? that i'm fat and flabby and unattractive? that i like procrastinating all the time?
yes, i admit i'm all of the above. but guilty? no. and i'm too your gf, imperfect, but still. i might have all of those flaws.
but i'm also able to love you for who you're and even for who you're not. i dont mind taking an hour bus ride to send you your lunch. i dont mind munching on the sandwich with you to save the extra buck. i dont mind visiting hotel81 and not fullerton with you. i dont mind waking up in so early in the morning just to ride on the bus with you. i dont mind just hanging around while you do up your work. i dont mind this penniless you who bought me a $5 big simple cushion for my birthday. in fact, i love this very you.
all of these i can offer. and a lot other more..
for the last time i'll be telling you this, stop pressurising me to change. if you feel you can love me more only after i change to this or that, then i guess i have been wrong about you. if you feel that my imperfections cannot be foreseen, then i guess you've also been wrong about me.
lastly, if you want a perfect girlfriend, visit the factory and get them to manufacture you one with all the latest and best specifications. get a robot.
anyway, on myself right now... i dont understand how he can just go to sleep. i'm supposed to be doing up my portfolio, in fact rushing it now, but i just cant get started on it now. i cant stop my tears either. maybe putting an end to it might lessen the days i get so down and low. then again, i just know i'll never be able to do it..