tk is feeling stressed. he thinks he's really too busy for me and is afraid to disappoint me all the time. as in, cos whenever we cant meet up as planned, i do feel inevitably disappointed-for awhile.. from my initial point of view though, i thought it's ok, just let me be that way for awhile and then i'll be alright after that. but then, i realised what tk said is true: he fears that i might feel disappointed so many a times that to some point i may just give up. i guess he's torn, he's really busy, yet he has to find time to spend with me.
we were on the phone just now and he confessed that he's so torn to a point that he contemplated if a break up will be more fair for me. i cant help crying. i thought i have been really understanding all these while but i'm wrong. it really upsets me that he feels so stressed by having to find time to meet me to the extent that he thinks a break up might be good for me..
i really dont want any break up, especially not base on the reason that he doesnt have enough time for us. cos it just makes me all the more helpless than i already am. i'd rather sacrifice and not meet him so often than to lose him on the whole.
stuff between us is really difficult especially since we come from 2 different worlds. i'd really like to help him financially yet he has his pride and principles to uphold. it just leaves me helpless. sometimes i just wana pray hard that he might get lucky and strike some wonderful lottery and everything will be so much easier. then again, perhaps if things had been that easy, we wouldn't have appreciate each other this much from all that we've been through.
so now i pray, please keep us strong and let us hold. grant us eternity, if you can.