Sorry for not posting anything yesterday -- or the whole week before that, actually. I wish I could lie and say that I have been busy, but the truth is that I've had a few days where not much of anything important was going on. alright, not exactly unimportant i guess.. just that, yeah, as before, it's different putting down happy thought -- dont know why.
for this past week, i suddenly feel like my life is.. full..? well, not exactly, but for once i dont feel empty or any of that loneliness creeping in. reason being? i'm not too sure either. but it's obvious that there's one big change, my family relationship.
i stayed around with my family for the whole of the first 4days of chinese new year, didnt even get out to meet him. not that i'm ordered to since in the case of my bro, he went out a couple of times, but cos i simply wanted to. i mean, it's a long time-and i mean, really long time + those many happenings-since i felt such closeness with them.
and nothing beats that. nothing. i'm telling ya. i dont know how to explain my joy of having everything between my family(esp my dad) and i, alright again. but i guess, i dont need anyone to understand it anyway-maybe i'd like him to understand(but i dont get to see him that often now).
yeah, so i was saying i feel quite er.. full..? yea, nowadays. i just wana blog it down so then if ever i feel the days i'd before, i can look back here and find consolations in myself. -so bare with me- i feel like i can be easily contented now, like, even if i were to stay home for the whole day. guess there's just something wrong with me a little while back then. like.. always feeling sorry for myself a tat too often? ya..
now it's like.. i feel i dont really need all that friends, or fit in anywhere, anymore..? maybe tomorrow i'll hold that in doubt again, but not right now. i do miss people like..
-cassan, who can make disastrous sleepovers fun and sweet
-wm, who brings joy and laughter in forms of crazy talks and actions
-su, who will let me i look ok when i'm abit less confident of myself
-yh, who shares the *ahem* stories
-sp, who whips up delicious food-cant be sure if they're safe though, meaning, have not fallen onto the floor yet =p
-ks, who dyed my hair superbly, which reminds, i wana change my hair colour again!
and so on, i guess...
then again, missing is just different from need. so... smiles! =D
oh.. then yesterday while i was working-ok, not literally-, the store manger chatted with me. he's damn lame and boliao, initally disliked him like crazy, but realised that he's quite nice. so he was saying, "who knows if you bad outside ma.."
and so, it sets me thinking, am i really bad?
i've smoked, drank, fought, stole, ran away from home, got drunk, attempted suicide, quarrelled, stuff, stuff, stuff before.
but..
in the eyes of my grandma, i'll always be good.
in the eyes of my parents, i'm quite naughty, changing too fast for them to accept.
in the eyes of my friends, we're quite the same.
in the eyes of the outside world, ok, it's not their business.
it's just, how do you define bad? just how?
anyway, i just really dont think i'm bad. yep. =p