my favourite movies??
-anna and the king + last samurai(i just love movies like these, really)
-anastasia
-shuang xiong
-bambi(the first cartoon movie i watched when i was young, and cried!)
-all those huang fei hong series(haha.. yes!)
-mona lisa smile
-love me if you dare(yes, definitely!!)

just last night i was talking bout how glad i'm bout my family relationship now and i had to do something silly later on. darn.. went out so late at night when i know dad'll sure to blow his top. he got so angry that he scolded mom, and it's all my bloody fault. oh dear...

http://www.naucon.net/misc/tests/love_test01.htm

1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and
free.
2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you
feel irresistable is creative, never let you feel bored.
3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is optimistic.
4. What you hate most in your partner is that the person is
ruthless, cold-blooded, and/or ironic.
5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your
partner is that both of you can talk about everything and
anything, no secret is kept.
6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything
wrong after marriage.
7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married,
you'll treasure it and your partner very much.
8. At this moment, you don't want to be tied down by a steady
relationship, you just want to flirt around.

whao, out of 8 interpretations, i've got 5 same ones as cassan!

HOW TO MAKE LOVE

Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.

Sorry for not posting anything yesterday -- or the whole week before that, actually. I wish I could lie and say that I have been busy, but the truth is that I've had a few days where not much of anything important was going on. alright, not exactly unimportant i guess.. just that, yeah, as before, it's different putting down happy thought -- dont know why.

for this past week, i suddenly feel like my life is.. full..? well, not exactly, but for once i dont feel empty or any of that loneliness creeping in. reason being? i'm not too sure either. but it's obvious that there's one big change, my family relationship.

i stayed around with my family for the whole of the first 4days of chinese new year, didnt even get out to meet him. not that i'm ordered to since in the case of my bro, he went out a couple of times, but cos i simply wanted to. i mean, it's a long time-and i mean, really long time + those many happenings-since i felt such closeness with them.

and nothing beats that. nothing. i'm telling ya. i dont know how to explain my joy of having everything between my family(esp my dad) and i, alright again. but i guess, i dont need anyone to understand it anyway-maybe i'd like him to understand(but i dont get to see him that often now).

yeah, so i was saying i feel quite er.. full..? yea, nowadays. i just wana blog it down so then if ever i feel the days i'd before, i can look back here and find consolations in myself. -so bare with me- i feel like i can be easily contented now, like, even if i were to stay home for the whole day. guess there's just something wrong with me a little while back then. like.. always feeling sorry for myself a tat too often? ya..

now it's like.. i feel i dont really need all that friends, or fit in anywhere, anymore..? maybe tomorrow i'll hold that in doubt again, but not right now. i do miss people like..
-cassan, who can make disastrous sleepovers fun and sweet
-wm, who brings joy and laughter in forms of crazy talks and actions
-su, who will let me i look ok when i'm abit less confident of myself
-yh, who shares the *ahem* stories
-sp, who whips up delicious food-cant be sure if they're safe though, meaning, have not fallen onto the floor yet =p
-ks, who dyed my hair superbly, which reminds, i wana change my hair colour again!
and so on, i guess...

then again, missing is just different from need. so... smiles! =D

oh.. then yesterday while i was working-ok, not literally-, the store manger chatted with me. he's damn lame and boliao, initally disliked him like crazy, but realised that he's quite nice. so he was saying, "who knows if you bad outside ma.."

and so, it sets me thinking, am i really bad?
i've smoked, drank, fought, stole, ran away from home, got drunk, attempted suicide, quarrelled, stuff, stuff, stuff before.
but..
in the eyes of my grandma, i'll always be good.
in the eyes of my parents, i'm quite naughty, changing too fast for them to accept.
in the eyes of my friends, we're quite the same.
in the eyes of the outside world, ok, it's not their business.
it's just, how do you define bad? just how?

anyway, i just really dont think i'm bad. yep. =p

i'm just too bored. doing all these lame quizzes. stupid.

yeah, it's chinese new year's eve. seems like every year, there will definitely be changes.. i mean, darn, what am i saying? as in, yep, every year SHOULD have changes but.. it's like, this is is really different.

hmm.. like, everyone-yeah, and i mean everyone.. my aunts, uncles, their familes-all of them, always come over on new year's eve for steamboat dinner. this year is damn pathetic. only grandma came and this uncle is still on his way-hopefully. and.. ok, this year other than steamboat, there's bbq stuff too-like those we have in seoul graden? yep. then again, that's totally irrelevant. sigh. this year is really quiet, boring and.. not like it used to be. yeah, seems like i agree with su, it has become.. blander?? i mean, not that i dont look forward anymore.. oh well, who doesnt look forward to the red packets??! not that i look forward too, i'm not that totally 'cheena'-though i have a china bf. ha! just that, perhaps it's the homey part of me. i kinda miss the crazy laughing kids-my cousins.. the loud chattings between my relatives and my parents.. to be asked(at least 4 times) by different relatives to join them to eat.. to be asked bout how i'm right now, what i'm doing..

i really dont like changes.. especailly when it's something i'm so used to already.. like.. since i'm young, it happens every year.. and then suddenly, it's all different.

this is definitely one time, i dont feel like growing up-old. what if i do grow up one day and realise we all grow apart from each other too? but does it really matter so much?? i dont know.

oh, but i know.. one day, i'm definitely going over china to have a taste of how chinese new year is like there. he said they have hols the whole month just to celebrate cny. isn't that quite cool? well, i dont know, that's why i really wana see it for myself!! lol..

What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate
authority and do everything you can to get
around the law, or in some cases, break it.
Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a
decision is made. Your nature is fiery and
courageous, and always out-going. You love
attention and usually have kinky fetishes
you're not afraid to explore. People either
love you or hate you.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

"she's smiling.. is she really happy?"
"you dont wash your dirty clothes in public."

this is the scene which i remembered most vividly from mona lisa smile.. kirsten dunst's eyes-reflecting her emotions when she questioned her mother. i think she's really good.

anyway, went down to pinnacle yesterday to borrow one of their camcorders-yes!! player around with it the whole day, took lame videos of sentosa with sulyn. really dumb.

later in the night, i went chinatown with him. had quite some fun. first time he's treating me dinner cos he just took his pay-yet another first time to take note of.. had ginger-wine frog and porridge, then we shopped around for cheong sums for my mom and myself. then went to the food stalls to have more food. took videos of him in the bus.

guess somethings just aren't meant to be captured in a picture, a portrait, a painting, whatever.. the video will never tell anyone how happy we were, how tired we were when we got home, the first time he treat me..

but it's definitely something to remind us of..

especially to the one i've in mind.. (sure hopes he/she knows who he/she is..)

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

oh yes, i lost a 4days old hp. *sob!* paid $150 or it.. heartache, that's like more than 20hrs of work! oh, wondering why it only cost me $150? haha.. i "kah" that french guy cos i found out he's a total ass, he offered to buy me anyway so there's nothing he can do about it. seriously and trust me, he deserves it. so anyway, i've since ceased to reply any of his sms. i'm not proud of this, i just wana let him know that he can stop sms-ing me once and for all-hope he does see this. and, hopefully it's a lesson learnt for him to stop cheating out on girls. prrf!!! =P

hi, would you like to try the new energy drink from germany?

huh? simi lai eh?

xin de ti shen sui. u try la, you ren shen de!

ok la, bu yong try. gei wo yi xiang.
*happily brought the whole carton to the counter*

cashier: aunty, $31.20

simi aunty?!! wo bu yao mai le la!

*she walks away in a huff*

wana know what she was wearing? orange halter top with denim hot pants! it's totally OMG! her skin is sagging everywhere and she refuse to surrender to aging. "miss ah-if u really want us to call you that-tonnes of foundation also cant help to cover your wrinkles and sagging cheeks la.."

anyway, i'm gonna quit my energy drink promoter job soon-most probably la. dont know why, tired of it i guess.. with the late payments, the weird customers, the travellings-though i'm paid for those hours, oh yes, and of course my boss.
still remember the very first time we saw her for the interview at novena square, she was wearing super mini-hotpants with spaghetti and OMG, pink lipstick-you know that kind of pink?? had the impression of whether we were there to be interviewed to promote what kinda things.
yeah, but on another point of view, it's quite a good job. i can slack in between places, like when i'm traveling from one station to the other.. a few other things catch my attention, and i ended up shopping! lol. so yeah, i always reached my station later than instructed. well, and so, it's no doubt i finally got caught last saturday...

11-2: sentosa
3-6: world trade centre(ok, it should be great world city)
so there, i reached the sentosa's 7-11 at 12.30 but no one knows.. shh!! and then had my lunch there, tried to sell a couple of cans, talked with the manager cos he approached me about working at his shop. all these till about 1.40? yep, started packing up and leave for next station.
well, i thought i heard the next station is world trade centre. so with that in mind, i have an hr plus time before the next shift, so i thought i might as well take the yellow-and-blue-line buses to waste abit of time first. alright, so at 2.30, i took the departure bus to harbour front and made my way to world trade centre.
oh well, i still have like, half an hour. so there, i bought Rhumba(the frapuncino weiming intro me-it's totally delicious!) and sat at starbucks reading magazines and slurping away. oh and then, it was 3pm, time to make my way to the 7-11. then i realised.. there isn't any 7-11 at world trade centre! checked my schedule again and realised that it should be great world city. omg. ok, then, i didnt feel worried at all. i was like, might as well, waste more time then i dont hafta promote too long.
but as i was making my way to great world city, Shayne from Magnum called me!
"hey yiwen. where are you??!"
"erm.. i.. lost me way.. took wrong bus and.. i'm now at orchard. waiting for taxi now.. sorry ar!"
"how can you do this?? why didn't you let me know earlier?? you know i trusted you, and i even sent my clients down to take a look at how well you're promoting! why are you like that??"
"sorry shayne.. i'm really flustered, lost my way you see.. so i didnt think of calling you..yet. sorry.."
"ok, you get down to great world city now. call you back."
well, it was then that i knew i was in deep shit. but i had the cheeks to smile. something's wrong with me man.. lol.

yeah, i was thinking that shayne was going to fire me this time, but in the end she didnt. said i'm very dedicated, so wana give me another chance. hahaha.. more of like she doesnt have enough promoters right now ba!

anyway, i'm thinking of dropping this job and just take up tha Pinnacle job. so the extra time i can use to pick up some reading and study some of weiming's stuff. cos the other we met and he showed me his econs and lit stuff. i was like, felt so much like studying again. too bad he isnt taking history as well. ok anyway, so now i hafta find ways to borrow the stuff from him.. hopefully through this, i'll catch up well..for what? i'm not sure of it myself..

angry words. empty swears. gets us no where. or at least, me.

i've never said anything about u buying aunty cheong sum tops. in fact, i did rmb tt i helped u to look ard for it, even asked my aunt for the shop she bought hers, if u can still rmb. and, the cheong sum top i recently wana get, is simply cos tk once said that he likes it, and my mom wanted me to get one.

i'm not guilty, really. i jus think it isn't fair.

do refrain from using my window to talk to urself.

bare with me but...
i just bought my new hp! using an extra, new starhub line now(friends, msg me for the new no. yea?). ok, by right, it should be his hp, cos he wanted 3200 all along. so the initial plan was that after i get this hp, we'll trade his 3100 n my 3200. but now, i kinda fall in love with 3200! hm.. see how la.. the camera function is great. i mean, the resolution is just like 7250, but it's way cheaper! oh, another thing to be happy about-i've got the mtv line,1000 free sms+free day talktime. ha!

was doing Cult promoting(current job: promoting new Cult energy drink from Germany-$7/hr) the other day at Ikea. this guy came to try the drink, then asked me a hell out of questions about the drink. was getting irritated, i must say, but he bought quite a few cans. anyway, that's not the point, he then contacted my colleague-whom is also working for him-and offered me a job(sell Pinnacle computer stuff-$8/hr+comm). whao, it's the best job offer that i've ever had.

went to Concourse for the job training course. thoroughly boring. 3 whole hours on computing stuff, a whole room of executives, uncles, 1 angmoh, 3 trainees(including me). here's a big YAWN for it. anyway, for the money i'm gona be paid, well, i'm glad i pulled through! hee. nevertheless, i understand..like almost nothing more than i already knew about the product-it's a movie-making soft+hardware and..it's by Pinnacle? yeah. and i thought i was the only one getting bored. we were told to pass this weird thing around for.. um, individual inspection?(can't rmb exavtly what it's for). so, i took some "interesting" moments to look at the piece of-ok,chunk of metal-then tried to pass it on to the guy beside me, but guess what? right next to me, sits a guy in a well-tailored suit, comfortably sleeping away, with his shoes taken off! well, the things people do to get away from work!(not to mention what weiming told me about what his dad does during working hours)

ok, the best part of the day is that the guy-he's Gary, a product manager, treated us to lunch at a nice japanese restuarant. oh yes, and zhao wei happened to be one of the 2 other trainees.

oh, and today's the first day since quite some time i stayed home longer then usual. got home after the training and slept like a log. maybe i should do this more often, no, not the sleeping part, but the staying at home part. cos mom was so happy, she bought me a Burberry wallet. *sniggers* actually, more of like, it feels quite nice to stay at home after all.

i was out last night with my parents and brother. went down to chinatown to walk around. saw this crippled man, wearing all red-some traditional cheongsum thingy-looks quite cute actually. but to think about it, my heart really goes out for him. it's nearing chinese new year, and everyone's happily shopping, busy with their own affairs, but there he was sitting there in that hot costume, playing er hu to earn some money. where are his children, grandchildren.. family? and he's not the only one anyway, that blind guy at the underpass at orchard mrt, is always there plus a countless lot all over the world. people pass by them, some compassionate ones who threw in some money-who ever gives them a second thought, wonder about their life? i can't help but think, they're probably just gona be people who simply vanish one day..their stories unknown to others. and perhaps even, no one will wonder or notice their absence..
or maybe again, i've wondered too much. perhaps they just love what they're doing, they do have alot of friends and returns home to a warm family..? hmm...

this doubt is screaming in my face
in this familiar place,
sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what i know to be real put away
all i know for tonight and maybe i just might learn
to let it go take my security from me
and maybe finally i won't have to know everything
i am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are
and faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown,
the don't-know that keeps me hanging on
to you i got nothing left to defend
i cannot pretend that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now if i do not know how
to figure this thing out
i am against myself again trying to fit
these pieces in walking on a cloud of dust to get to you

i'm blogging shit. i'm just totally bored. it's late, i wana sleep. but i dont know what's gotten over me. i just feel like typing all the way here. what's my business with anita mui anyway? what the heck? i guess it's just my "no life" feeling.

have you ever brood over something, you don't intend to before?
like you've been told about something weird from someone, and you doubt that person's words. and you meant to clarify things again, but never have the chance to.. and this issue constantly turns on and off in your mind, back and forth, even when it's of no importance.. have you?
i have. and i really hate it.
like the case of the stupid dentist who told me i'd have known him. at that point i didnt feel like talking to him, so i kept quite, but after that i wondered what he meant?? and it has been bothering me for sometime, even when i know it's a totally lame thing to brood over about.
but then again, how many times have life been like this?

how we often know it's stupid to be brooding over
-our future cos eventually things will turn out fine, in a way or another.
-who's gonna stay in our life, cos it doesn't really matter, it's more of our memories with them that counts.
-what'll happen when this or that happen, cos no matter what, somehow we just find ways to embrace it well.
-the friends you've got, who's real, who's not.. cos what matters when you know you don't really have to depend on anyone in your life, except yourself.
-how long someone's gonna love you, cos if the love's true, it'll never end.
-how we sometimes wish things could have happened a different way cos how do we know it's gonna be bad if it hadn't?

i was reading through my blog, the many past entries. they consist of the insecurities i'm constantly feeling. fears. hatreds. sadness. frustrations. until the recent entires, where i just blog about the everyday stuff. there are always so many things to brood about. but eventually things always turn out fine. so why do i still brood? and even now, as i blog about this, i know this will be something that i'll never stop doing. is this what life is? or what's this really?

people blog for different reasons. private journals, public journals, bitching sessions, thoughts, to venge anger, to seek refuge, to put down feelings.. i dont really like it when this someone mentioned how she detest people who blogs about how they'd spent the day shopping or whatever. how do you define blogging anyway? and seriously, it's so not her business what they do with their blog right? i meant no offense, but i guess it's ok, cos i've fallen out with her.

what i'm saying is, i realised how sometimes i wished to blog about simply what i did for the day or just about anything silly or stupid or lame, and i simply had to changed the way to write cos of the eyes that roam the blog. i really hate this feeling of fearing what people may think of me. that's why i really admire faye. she has no care at all about what others think of her, simply love her guts. but how many of us can be like that?

i want to be independent. but i hate loneliness. i want to care less bout what people think of me. but it bothers me that someone dislikes me. i want to live a life for myself. but there are so many love ones i cant let down.

why is life constantly about doubts? fear? insecurities? or is it just me?
and when i look on again, all sums up to emptiness and everything fades into nothingness except the present that we live for.

and i know, this wont be the last time i question myself..

anita mui's death, the talk of the world(almost).
she's dead, and suddenly all different kinds of news about her starts to rise.
on top of that, the sudden interest from everyone.
why?
yeah, so she was great, did really well, really cool singer..
but why dig up all that stuff about her now, especially now that she's dead?
it's not fair.
she's no longer here to speak up for herself.
let her rest in peace, will the media please!

i really dont want my life to consist only of him..
where are my friends..? sigh....
drifted away:- weilin, yuzhen, zhiren, krystle, vivienne.. (busy with jobs, school and stuff)
fell out with:- ness
"uncloseable" gap: -cassan, xinyu..
insecure ones: -the poks

haha, yeah... welcome to my life..

is he really all i want? is he enough to fulfill everything in life? he's my best friend, my love, everything, no doubt.. but on days when i need a different company..? like today, while he was at work.....

luckily i was able to get vivienne to come out. she was really great, had fun. thanks, viv..

happy new year...
yeah, it's 2004 already.
dont know why, but it seems like i'm still kinda stucked at 2003.
maybe cos for the first time,
the start of a new year isn't about school rush, new textbooks, new teachers, etc..
for the first time,
the holidays still seem to be stretching on.
and i still am not sure where i really want to go!
this is really terrible.
i hate not to have goals in life.
alright, anyway, new year's resoultion:
-save up to $1000 with XX by june.
-study harder, as promised to XX.
-change our short-tempered character.
(oh my, so far allt he resolutions involved him!)
-mm... actually the rest i dowana say here. yea, that's bout it then.

31st dec:
-new year countdown at ngee ann(was there really a count down or have i missed it??):
+helped to sell spray cans for yeehui outside ngee ann
+TK, lyn, yh, keith, wm, ly, weibin. ks n zq nv sell-went to buy movie tix.
+sprayed lots of ppl out of fun, and shouted like crazy to sell the cans.
+stupid yin du rens!!!! F**k em, sprayed foams-stinky n sticky ones, at us!(racist from now on)
+revenge, threw back can. ha.. then ks n wm also started throwing.
-after countdown:
+watched mona lisa's smile.
+not much people really appreciates the show, but i sincerely think it's nice.
+XX kept asking when's the show ending!
+keith's "encore" shouts n embarrassing cheers n claps. i joined in.. =P
-fun ride(music dance):
+"fun fair" near orchard mrt.
+shouted "so slow!", and got shocked.
+dizzy!
-swensons:
+everyone had baked rice.
+fish baked rice for XX n me.
+shared giant earthquake with lyn, yh, keith, weibin.
-finally:
+slept abit at cineleisure till the trains start functioning.
+got home at 7+am while XX still had to go for work! (poor thing!)

1st jan:
-woke up at 12+pm:
+went to the coffeeshop XX's working to surprise him. thought i might just accompany him in his bus-ride home.
+in the end, he wanted to accompany out, despite the fact that he hadn't sleep.
+so sweet of him.

2nd jan:
-first day of school(JC):
+sucks.
+boring to the core.
+seems like only the OGLs are having fun.
+perhaps jc's really not for me.
+can imagine the endless nodding offs during broing lectures.
+no life!
+guess poly's better, hafta start making enquiries bout poly stuff.
-small quarrel with XX:
+always forgetting our plans.
+forgot that he suggested to accompany me to work that day.
+made plans for himself.
+couldn't come at all.
+totally disappointed.
+he promised to come the next day.. oh well, maybe he'd just forget bout it again..
3rd jan:
-posted to work at ikea again(simply love working at ikea!):
+new girl, sharlynn. had to teach her alot of things. but she's very nice. looked like 15/16, but she's actually 1 year older than me. from vjc-OMG!
+carried stinky cartons of promo cans.(aching muscles now!)
+supervisor bought me BK's mushroom swiss again!
+free dinner:spaghetti + ice tea at ikea restuarant.
+XX did come after all.
+so happy initially.
+then some stuff turned sour.
+went to playground near heartland mall to talk things out.
+agreed to start things anew...
+realised we really love each other alot..