girls grow up, wanting to be like their mother.
from the day i saw her acting like a 16 year old teenager, prancing and flirting with my primary school teacher, i had made up my mind to be different from her.
i'm not saying that i hate her. in fact, i do love her, she brought me here.
but i really can't stand the things she does, the way she deal with things, her immature thinkings.
as i'm putting this down, my hands are shaking, they feel cold. my stomach is flipping, i feel like puking.
i'm sick with myself, putting all these for all to see, but still, i feel like it.
maybe a few years from now, i'll laugh at all these.
or have a reflection or two, have i really changed since then.
today, i'm very disappointed with myself.
i grow up, resenting the childish doings of my own mother, with every will to be different from her.
my friends never hesitate to let me know what they thought of me.
and i sound so like her, to them.
then i realise, i see in myself, what i dislike about her.
but what i admire about her, i do not see.
he told me,"maybe it's hard for you to change. you're like that."
nothing hurts more than being told that.
i can't blame her, cos i knew it all along these flaws i may have.
then, why am i like this?
it's sad to say, but i hate myself.
i lost what i could have, by destroying it myself.
it's not "chong dong", i still don't know what it's.
i like him so much.
now it's all gone.
and who have i to blame, accept for myself.
there's no turning back, i can only move on.
maybe it's meant to be.
to be "all by myself"...