Purely Your Imagination

vera in context.

vera's johari

(ripped this somewhere which i think is really true!) ARIES WOMAN >> >>She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal >>frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things >>and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even >>real, so she will feel hurt. She think her path has to be a beautiful one. >>She >>think only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for >>herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed. >> >>If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This >>seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face >>mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow slightly curve up, >>slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing >>or mixture of character. >> >>Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She >>thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize >>everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will >>handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other >>people >>that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in >>crisis better than many other Zodiac. Once she determine to do thing, >>nothing will stop her. >> >>Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another >>woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty >>dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. >>She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold >>and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she >>choose you, she will need to be proud of you. >> >>"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is >>"Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She >>plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also >>very artistic and realistic, so if you are a nobody or nothing, no chance >>because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but do >>not >>want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love. >> >>She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come >>from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth >>anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always look cool even >>when she is not. She like to make people see her as "secure and confident" >>even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you >>can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time. >> >>You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent >>some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a >>"Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most >>likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and >>artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her >>beautiful >>imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan. >> >>A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high >>point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will >>not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself >>now. Once you look back she already moved up again , quietly but sure. >> >>If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is >>stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, >>but in fact she can stick you down like a super glue without you knowing >>it.

i want/i need.

air. love. food. air. air. air.

"Tears of Hilarity"
Listening to: Levitation - More Than Ever People (from 'Cafe del Mar Volumen Cinco')

just woke up a little while ago. 2 days mc. but not all that shiok, rather go school than to have this stupid sprained/fractured(seriously, i don't know the diff! hee) ankle. swollen, like there's an egg growing inside. gee! darn. hurts alot, can't walk! argh! all this for getting excited over having found my friend's watch.. haha.. teach me not to be KPO next time!

went around with siangfeih and simteng yesterday to look for simteng's lost watch($50). then saw vivienne and jasmin downstairs when we were on the second floor. so wanted to ask if they saw the watch during pe. of all things to do, i had to climb up the step at the railings. and it isn't just the normal staircase steps, it's like 1.5-2times higher than those. and when viv said she's having it, i was so excited that we'd found the watch that i forgot i was standing on 1 step above ground, and i just started to run off. the next thing i knew was, i heard "kik-crack-krack" and pain shot up from my ankle! haha. and of all things to do, i started laughing like crazy. found it totally funny, *shrugs*. then i sat there like a "damsel in distress", can't move, don't want anyone to touch me. quite a spectacular sight. gathered an audience and some attention. damn embarrassing!! told them to go away, don't watch.. and everyone started laughing.. and of course, i laughed along. abit siao la. people fall and cry cos of the pain. but i cried cos i laughed too hard. "tears of hilarity"

then poeple tried to help me up but i just don't wana move another inch, the pain was so excruciating that i thought i'd broken my ankle. over-reacting..?
oh, then they wheeled out the teacher's chair in our class and wheeled me back to class. really embarrassing, everyone in class started laughing and all that. sheesh!
and of all luck, the next period had to be chinese!!! mdm chua came in and made lots of jokes. gosh! made a fool of myself! haha. but nevermind, quite used to it le. always getting into this kinda dumb dumb scenes... at 17!!! when will i really grow up..!?

school ended and people start filing out of class. no one seemed to remember i was still sitting there, with an injured ankle, can't move. don't know how to go home.
then i realised, i have serious problem. there is definitely a price to pay for choosing solitude as my pride. i don't have anyone special to leave school with, to take bus home with, etc. all around me, people left in groups or in pairs. i was alone, with an injured ankle. felt like crying, but i'm good at biting back my tears-if they're not tears of hilarity. Ha!

normally, if nessa went off without me, i could just join any group of people and go home with them. or i could simply go home myself. no big deal.
yesterday, i could not. to join in any of the groups, i would be making myself a burden for them. i don't want.
still, in the end, ali insisted that she help me ask if krystle and friends can take bus with me. and they were like, quite willing and.. spontaneous..?
krystle even volunteered to accompany me home. i was more than just grateful, but there's a history test on thurs, 2 english assignments due today and maths paper to do. i'd be wasting alot of her time. so i was like, keep rejecting her company. haha. but in the end, she did accompany me home!

along the way, she asked if i think we're close. did not know how to answer her. i mean, she has her group of friends whom i think she's close with. if i say yes, i'd be.. i don't know, throwing myself around? yet i can't say no, cos she had been there for me when i needed it most.
then, i told her.. i don't really know, which is quite true.. cos i've decided not to get so attached to anyone, anymore. that way, i won't have to get through with all that hurt i may feel when something went wrong in the friendship. i told her that. and i told her that there's something wrong with me, with my character. something which caused friends to come into my life, stay for awhile then leave-some for good. yet i almost could not resist that temptation to step into another friendship.
i guess i'll really have to change myself-my flaws, before allowing myself to do just that.

then there's someone else.. i don't know what's going on now, but she seem to be ignoring me.. read her blog, she seems to be talking about me.. yet i'm afraid i was being too sensitive.

i'm really tired, tired of alot of things.
i've discovered a new me. i'm like.. introvert plus extrovert? haha.
sometimes, i can go fool around like a kiddo, play and laugh so hard, some people found it embarassing, others played along. i can do lotsa crazy things just for laughs and stuff.. say nonsensical jokes and make people laugh. to generalize it, to be a clown.
other times, i don't really like to talk much anymore. talk as in talking sense. i just want ot shut myself up, or shut myself away. yet, i want someone with me now and then. need company. then i'd regret the decision of asking someone to accompany me, cos i don't feel like talking; and that person'd probably feel uncomfortable.
then there are moments when i just felt like crying, out of no significant reasons; but i bit them back. sometimes, i thought, maybe i have bitten back too my tears. i'm afraid that someday, somehow i'd break down and cry in front of someone else. then all the brave facade i put up will be gone to waste.
argh.. don't know what i'm really talking about.. what's the point anyway..

Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 11:49 AM

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