Hidden Feelings...

used to love the scent ball, peach flavour alot.
now i don't.
maybe i tried too hard to make everything i own,
smell the same way it does.
now, the overwhelming peachy smell,
makes me nauseous whenever i open my bag.


an overload of things makes someone suffocate.
it's like to stuffing and stuffing goodies into one's mouth,
till she felt nothing but asphyxia.
and want to recoil from it all.

but nevertheless,
i'll always remember i once love the smell.
the moments i once search for the scent ball,
the efforts i once tried to make the things i own smell the same,
by putting the scent balls into my bags, etc.

and i'm not just talking about my scent ball here..
alot of things in life,
happens to be just this way...


On a positive note,
I've learned that, no matter what happens how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can,
happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains,
I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
People will forget what you said...people will forget what you did...but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere,
safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

Your Daily Horoscope for May 30, 2003

Dear IMPATIENT,
Don't try to control what is happening today, IMPATIENT, because you won't be able to fathom what is going on. How could it be otherwise when collective currents are interfering with your life? You may do some soul-searching because you may end up feeling that you are only a grain of sand in this vast universe. But don't spend too much time staring at your belly button. Look up and around you for some of the answers.
[Hmm..?]

Try It On My Own
I'm wiser now Im not the foolish girl you used to know so long ago
im stronger now
ive learned from my mistakes which way to go
and i should know
i put myself aside to do it your way
but now i need to do it all alone

And im not afraid to try it on my own
i dont care if im right or wrong
ill live my life the way i feel
no matter what ill keep it real
you know time for me to do it on my own


Its over now i cant go back to living through your eyes to many lies
and if you dont know by now
i cant go back to being someone else not anymore
i never had the chance to do things my way
so now its time for me to take control


Oh, i start again go back to one
i'm running things in my way
cant stop me now ive just begun
dont even think about it
there aint no way about it
im taking names go down the line
yes im gonna take my turn i
its time for me to finally stand alone stand alone

Need To Get Out..
Listening to: Michelle Branch- Are You Happy Now

argh!!! i need to get outa the house! 2 consecutive whole days at home.. i'm gona die...
haha. not that i don't like staying home, but i spending too much time in front of the com, and i'm eating too much at home!
ok, meeting weilin later.. hope i don't embarrass myself later.. hiak-hiak!

You are Storm!

You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.

stop talking in circles,
tell me directly what exactly u mean.
yeah maybe i was too self-centred, too self-centred to see.
or should i say, i didn't even expect u to hate me so.
but nevermind,
since u made it a point to let me know now.
i'll back off,
starting from now.

after all that efforts i made, i wonder why i even tried.
why make myself wake up so damn early in the mornings,
just to hear u out.
and it doesn't just stop there,
but i guess what's the point of pointing them out now?
i'll only be making myself look like a fool.
and i know exactly what you'll say to this:
why i even made it a point to remember them.

you've always been like this,
when will u ever break out of it?
why always think that the whole world is trying get u,
that someone always owe u something,
that all your friends have to get accustomed to your moods,
that if one were to not live up to your expectations,
they will be deemed unloyal, or whatever.

when will you ever learn,
that even when someone does not love you the way you want them to,
it does not mean that someone does not love you with all they have.
maybe in your case,
not with all they have,
but i think u know what i mean right?
or maybe you don't really care.

Sigh...
Listening to: Mandy Moore- Want You Back

wonder who will remember to help me take my homework.. most probably no one..
still remember the last time i was absent, no one bothered to tell me there's a test. almost did not study for it.
and then another, sms someone to ask ali to pass me hw.. duh, don't wana talk about it le..

yays!! finally got my blog aligned properly and stuff!! look so much better now hor?? and i figured it out myself.. hurray!! but i still need help with my archives thingy!! help!! haha. anyone can help me with it, please leme know hor?! thanks!

"Tears of Hilarity"
Listening to: Levitation - More Than Ever People (from 'Cafe del Mar Volumen Cinco')

just woke up a little while ago. 2 days mc. but not all that shiok, rather go school than to have this stupid sprained/fractured(seriously, i don't know the diff! hee) ankle. swollen, like there's an egg growing inside. gee! darn. hurts alot, can't walk! argh! all this for getting excited over having found my friend's watch.. haha.. teach me not to be KPO next time!

went around with siangfeih and simteng yesterday to look for simteng's lost watch($50). then saw vivienne and jasmin downstairs when we were on the second floor. so wanted to ask if they saw the watch during pe. of all things to do, i had to climb up the step at the railings. and it isn't just the normal staircase steps, it's like 1.5-2times higher than those. and when viv said she's having it, i was so excited that we'd found the watch that i forgot i was standing on 1 step above ground, and i just started to run off. the next thing i knew was, i heard "kik-crack-krack" and pain shot up from my ankle! haha. and of all things to do, i started laughing like crazy. found it totally funny, *shrugs*. then i sat there like a "damsel in distress", can't move, don't want anyone to touch me. quite a spectacular sight. gathered an audience and some attention. damn embarrassing!! told them to go away, don't watch.. and everyone started laughing.. and of course, i laughed along. abit siao la. people fall and cry cos of the pain. but i cried cos i laughed too hard. "tears of hilarity"

then poeple tried to help me up but i just don't wana move another inch, the pain was so excruciating that i thought i'd broken my ankle. over-reacting..?
oh, then they wheeled out the teacher's chair in our class and wheeled me back to class. really embarrassing, everyone in class started laughing and all that. sheesh!
and of all luck, the next period had to be chinese!!! mdm chua came in and made lots of jokes. gosh! made a fool of myself! haha. but nevermind, quite used to it le. always getting into this kinda dumb dumb scenes... at 17!!! when will i really grow up..!?

school ended and people start filing out of class. no one seemed to remember i was still sitting there, with an injured ankle, can't move. don't know how to go home.
then i realised, i have serious problem. there is definitely a price to pay for choosing solitude as my pride. i don't have anyone special to leave school with, to take bus home with, etc. all around me, people left in groups or in pairs. i was alone, with an injured ankle. felt like crying, but i'm good at biting back my tears-if they're not tears of hilarity. Ha!

normally, if nessa went off without me, i could just join any group of people and go home with them. or i could simply go home myself. no big deal.
yesterday, i could not. to join in any of the groups, i would be making myself a burden for them. i don't want.
still, in the end, ali insisted that she help me ask if krystle and friends can take bus with me. and they were like, quite willing and.. spontaneous..?
krystle even volunteered to accompany me home. i was more than just grateful, but there's a history test on thurs, 2 english assignments due today and maths paper to do. i'd be wasting alot of her time. so i was like, keep rejecting her company. haha. but in the end, she did accompany me home!

along the way, she asked if i think we're close. did not know how to answer her. i mean, she has her group of friends whom i think she's close with. if i say yes, i'd be.. i don't know, throwing myself around? yet i can't say no, cos she had been there for me when i needed it most.
then, i told her.. i don't really know, which is quite true.. cos i've decided not to get so attached to anyone, anymore. that way, i won't have to get through with all that hurt i may feel when something went wrong in the friendship. i told her that. and i told her that there's something wrong with me, with my character. something which caused friends to come into my life, stay for awhile then leave-some for good. yet i almost could not resist that temptation to step into another friendship.
i guess i'll really have to change myself-my flaws, before allowing myself to do just that.

then there's someone else.. i don't know what's going on now, but she seem to be ignoring me.. read her blog, she seems to be talking about me.. yet i'm afraid i was being too sensitive.

i'm really tired, tired of alot of things.
i've discovered a new me. i'm like.. introvert plus extrovert? haha.
sometimes, i can go fool around like a kiddo, play and laugh so hard, some people found it embarassing, others played along. i can do lotsa crazy things just for laughs and stuff.. say nonsensical jokes and make people laugh. to generalize it, to be a clown.
other times, i don't really like to talk much anymore. talk as in talking sense. i just want ot shut myself up, or shut myself away. yet, i want someone with me now and then. need company. then i'd regret the decision of asking someone to accompany me, cos i don't feel like talking; and that person'd probably feel uncomfortable.
then there are moments when i just felt like crying, out of no significant reasons; but i bit them back. sometimes, i thought, maybe i have bitten back too my tears. i'm afraid that someday, somehow i'd break down and cry in front of someone else. then all the brave facade i put up will be gone to waste.
argh.. don't know what i'm really talking about.. what's the point anyway..

had lunch with weilin at BK compass. had so much fun. almost like we used to have. our past.
only hope that it'd lasted longer..
never been any happier than today for weeks.. hmm, seems like i've said this only last week.. haha.
everyone's back..
muacks! life..
ok, got to study!

What Angel on the Hierarchy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
yays! i think mine seem better, nessa! LOL

wondering why i seem to be more lively today?
cheers! something took a better turn today-friendship wise.
like something came off my shoulders, felt so much better than the last few days.
hope everything gets better one by one..
guess won't be long, cos someone kept me in her prayers.. =P

in a different light

got myself into unnecessary trouble. should have known better myself actually. never should have brought the poker cards to school. darn!
have had it with all the teachers having all these biased views about me and assuming i'd always be the bad kid.
or maybe i'm..? after all, nah, never mind, better not go into this now..

anyway, could be cos i had had the last straw of everything happening these days. could not help but break down today.
find myself getting more and more vulnerable(yuk!) these days. keep having this urge to cry. but it's ok, i'm good at biting them back! =P
finally cried my heart out in the toilet today. and then again in the arms of krystle.

but over all, it's all not that bad cos i saw everyone in a different light today.
there are the cowards, who'll never stand up for what they do, take up certain responsibilties. lack of guts, i'd call them.
there are also the ones who'd offer to take some part of the blame even when they're not really at fault. mm..no comments about them actually.
there are also the ones who gave the reassuring pats on the shoulder, words of comfort, a private note with comforting words. to them, thanks alot.
then there's krystle.

she offered not just assurance, not just comforting words, not just promises to help take up part of the blame.
she offered a shoulder to cry on, and her tears to cry with me.
i was extremely touched.
all these while i felt like there's this big dark shadow casting over me, and i thought i was so alone to myself and all my problems.
then krystle offered this sudden humane touch.
i did kinda wonder how come she'd cried also.
and for some time, i thought it could be because she may be facing certain problems too, thus know how i feel and felt for me.
then i remembered the countless times when i actually felt deeply enough for weilin, towards the problems she'd faced, and how i also felt like crying with her at that point.
and i got to realise, perhaps, krsytle felt that way too.
i may be too sensitive, interpreted a small act too much or something. but nevertheless, this is how i feel.
so thanks, krystle.(if you're reading this)
i know i'm not alone now. i love ya, ger!

er, SHE's starting things again. so i better go first. catch up again another day!

simply love borders. my new hideout. people say, books bring you to a totally different world. i share their sentiments.
had weird dreams last night again. the same dreams i'd always been having. i hate them! leave me alone!!
*cries*
don't know what to say anymore. not gona start on my day, don't even wana go think about it.
like this thing miss tan said in her blog: i've taken solitude as my pride.
(first time actually reading the stuff in her blog.. changed my opinions about her. memories came back.)

nothing seems to go right these days. realised that my blog is so full of the bad stuff happening in my life. makes it seem as though i'm wallowing in self-pity. totally pathetic. this week really sucks, everything went wrong, far from wrong, totally down the drains. i don't know what to do. if this is what they call the growing up phrase, i don't wana grow!
this is a summarised list of things that went wrong:
-school>teacher called parents with some made-up story
-friends>nothing is ever right here anyway, so i guess it's better left unsaid
-family>wanted a nice dinner with family, ordered pizzas(offer:2 for $20), accused by mom that i spent that money like no one's business-made a big hell outa it.
-movie>cancelled, ended up alone at orchard. roamed around awhile then hid myself in a corner at borders, read alot of great stuff tho.
nevermind, gona sleep. maybe tomorrow will be better. or maybe not?
then again, i'd probably end up waking in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep, again. what's wrong with me man! sleep also a problem!
can't make myself enjoy anything anymore, laughter don't come as easy as it used to be.
constrictions in my chest, sometimes i thought i was gona die from it.

if u really don't like me,
why did you even thought of giving birth to me?!
why always push me to the edge,
make my life a hell?
why don't you just abort me,
solve everything, doesn't it?
what do you want me to do to show you how i love this home, how i hope everything will just be great at home?
maybe you want me to die?
to prove everything to you?
to prove i can't take it anymore..
...to prove i'd do anything, just to achieve your acceptance.

saturday:
finally finished my chinese prelims (whew~)
ok, pant three times n a good movie.
then it's emaths mock exams next sat!
and then pant three times..
then it's amaths mock exams..! duh~!

thought i'm gona dropdead, with all these preparations and stuff. "so interesting being a student huh?"
but i guess this is just parts and parcels of life. each and every stage in our life, we are bound to be tied down with commitments, assignments to be rushed, datelines to be met, responsibilities to handle... i wana be a free soul!! someday, if i can't take these stuff anymore, i'm gona be a carefree wanderer-is that what you call it? haha. wana travel to different parts of the world, live a simple and stress-free life(work only when i need the $ and stuff), just being happy with whatever i'm doing. (but of cos if i marry a rich guy, that'd be a totally different stort altogether! hee!)

sunday(mother's day):
went present hunting with nessa in the morning. had fun.
bought different sorts of small stuff, placed them all in this beautiful heart-shaped box, with an array of scent stuff from The Scent Shop. added different kinds of messages.
think she loves it. you think?
aunty joyce called from canada. had this feeling like i'd alot to tell her. hovered around the phone while my mom was talking with her. then when it was finally handed to me, i can't think of what to say or what i wana say anymore. just wished her happy mother's day. distance really pull everyone away from one another, even her name sound so remote, so meaningless. i missed her terribly.

Today..
individual meeting with Mrs Chow. "great." the last thing i need is all that glances and stares i get.
yeah, so i was singled out, branded student with attitude problem. just cos i prioritise my studies.
hate sciences, won't ever be able to cope with it, so thought i'm gona let them go, altogether. not gona take any sciences in JC anyway. yea, this is how i see things. wana excel 'excellently?' in other areas.
talked with mrs chow in her office. totally unnerving, don't know why, just thought i was gona puke. too nervous and my hands were shaking.
but it turn out not that bad. was able to not show my fears and nervousness to her. projected myself with confidence and told her about how i feel towards stuff.
she seemed impressed! haha. said i'm a "bright and practical girl" and "very down-to-earth and have a very independent thinking" gee, really?
ok, these are the good stuff of cos, then she went to drone on the importance to be focus now and stuff and got me to start writing a study plan. hee, and i just took out the one i already had. ok, scored another point, she was impressed again!
ok, enough. really tired, drained, BTH! haha. hafta sleep. the bed look so inviting.. haha.

oh yeah, last thing, rina, did u sms into Perfect10? the quote i told you about?-"as long as one stands up straight, it doesn't matter if his or her shadow is crooked" =P

"What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain."
~ Maya Angelou

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which
have the potential to turn a life around."

~ Leo Buscaglia

trepidation..
how will i be tomorrow?-what if i behave awkward?
what will i say?-what if i've got nothing to say?
argh~! shut up!

prelims.. ok, hafta think of the more important thing at hand first!
study study study, now!

okay so i went shopping(not exactly la, hafta get a couple of things, then window-shopped abit) at hougang mall, MYSELF.
used to think i'd rather die than to go anywhere alone.
wasn't so bad after all. kinda enjoy it, no one to hassle me with, walked anywhere i like.
sigh. or did i really enjoy being alone?
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_:-.,_,.-:**:-.,_,.

TODAY’S INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:
"It is not what happens that determines the major part of your future. What
happens, happens to us all. It is what you do about what happens that counts."
~ Jim Rohn

*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_:-.,_,.-:**:-.,_,.

was walking home from bus stop when i saw my younger brother. he was just standing there, waiting for me. actually thought he just wanted to walk home with me. felt immensely happy and.. grateful..? don't know. perhaps all that had happened today, made me feel this feeling of closeness to him. and i realised how i longed for us to be like before. the great bro and sis, having endless childish fun. i missed him, i missed our days, i missed our fun. i hate growing up!
then i just quickend my steps and even started running towards him. like what will happen when a little girl sees her elder brother or sister from afar. like all excited and kiddy? roles reversed! haha.. and of course, i felt stupid later on..
well guess what. my bro had this stupid grin on his face, and he was like,"haha! who's was that guy who walked woth you just now?!"
duh~! he actually mistaken some guy who walked beside me as my boyfriend, and stayed to tease me about it.. how.. 'imaginery'..?
sigh.. but nevertheless, i felt alot better, walking the rest of the way back with him. love you, JJ!

how do i explain myself?
how do i tell him what really happen, how it really happened?
how do i explain, in a way that i can make him understand, but at the same time, not seem as though i'm denying what i did?
what can i say or do?
i really don't know..

for the short period of time, as i sat there and let him say what he has got to say, i so felt like "bursting"-erupting..? felt like explaining to him. but i saw no point. when he already believe it that way, and felt that way about me, there's nothing i can do. and even if i can bring myself to try to explain, how?? how do i explain??

we're living in a world of deception.
we choose to believe things only our eyes see, but not what our heart feel about it.
we are often caught in a situation whereby, if we don't explain things, people continue to believe it they way they did.
but if we start explaining, we find ourselves proving the person right about what he/she felt-tehy'd think, why bother to explain when you're not wrong.
or what's worse still, is that, we made that person felt as though we were pushing all blames or denying where we wrong.

sometimes i wonder, why bother about what people feel about me? why care about what they seem to think? we have only ourselves to answer to anyway.
and i know why. it's the friendships with these people we cherish, that we don't want it damaged in any way.
don't want them to go on believing things which were not true. or not forgive and forget the mistakes we made.
and i later find myself thinking: is what i'm doing now right? fearing that if i make any wrong moves, all the things that i have now will be gone..
then i decided, this world is not for me. i'd gladly reside to my own world of loneliness than risking myself to be hurt again.
no strings attached. no feelings involved.
i have my laughter and some fun.
and if i find that i'm going in too deep, i withdraw.
thus, i come and go as i please.
what a wonderful thought.
that's just so not me.

a daily thought
a silent tear
a constant wish that you are near
words are few but thoughts are deep
memories of our friendship
i'll always keep

mrs lee talked about stuff during CME.. yea, she always does anyway.. and most of them always set mer think, thinking about stuff..
of course not her sexual contained ones though! duh~!

like today she started telling us stuff about her daughter, she always talks about her family, it seems.. then she asked us if we prefered presents or cash for birthday or something.. asked me, and i said presents.. and she was like, " i thought you were that kind who'd like cash"

haha.. yea, i do like cash, lots and lots.. ( yeah, if anyone of you have too much, spare me some! =P )
with cash, i can buy these things i currently want:
- an over-sized black windbreaker ( so i don't hafta borrow that stinky yellow one from ben, and look like a psycho! )
- this nail polish in this really cool color
- lots and lots of Judith MacNaught books, all her collection, if possible
- digital camera ( i can just dream on )
yeah, so it shows how materialistic i'm, these many things i wana get..
Hmm.. actually not just cash to buy stuff, would like them for other purposes too:
- some for my walkaton card, so pathetically meagre! paseh~
- buy stuff for my sibs..
- put away this meaningful amount for TK

but seriously, cash is just a thing which allow us to do many things.. necessity, pleasure, whatever.. but i'd really just appreciate a simple present!
ok, why:
- love the feeling of opening up a present, the anticipation of finding out what's gona be inside
- love surprises
- presents usually come with more sincerity, more thoughts, more affections, more sweetness, than just be given cash. it can show how one went to the effort to find the right present, and stuff..
- love it even more if it's self-made.. somethings just can't be bought!
( ok, so anyone out there, if you still owe me a birthday present, you know what to get!! tsk-tsk! ;> i'm just kidding, really. )

well, having done with that.. gona have a nice good luxurious sleep now.. WoW! so physically tired and mentally strained.. 2.4 run and all.. *sWeaTs*

too many regrets. too many mistakes. no more strength to keep going on.
no reason to not let dreams slip away. too hard to go on.
no reason to go on. pointless. it's all so pointless. everything. pointless. empty.

OK, so this phrase : "i really feel like dying" has been hanging around me, more times than it should even be heard, lately.

But i really thought about killing myself when i said it. i've been thinking about it more lately than ever.
Maybe a little too close...but no, i wouldn't kill myself, i'm too logical, too.. i don't know.. that's, i won't bring myself to repeat my mistake.
Not that i think/believe i can really, really hold on that much; any longer, just that i guess i can't let the people around me down again.

There is nothing worth killing myself over. Mistakes, regrets, they're all in the past.
Can't beat myself up for things i may have done, i can't change them.

"Killing myself is a selfish way out." Or is it really? cos since when did i live purely for other people's enjoyment of my company? - doesnt really make sense.

Suicide is a very complex subject. guess i dont think i would call suicide cases 'selfish'...
Although there are understandable extreme's to people's different situations. suicide, is may be a way out...
But somehow i cant really decide whether its an 'easy' way out. what kind of determined mindset do you have to be in to decide that... and go through with it?

We've all thought about killing ourselves at some point in our lives. some to greater extents than others. but its the silent ones that should worry one.

Thought it was unfair of you to have judged me that way, wallowing in self-pity?
Do you really know how i feel, or that's, what i'm going through?
Yeah, it isn't really that great a thing, i mean, compared to those other suffering souls out there- people who live in hunger, insecurites, wars, etc..
But still, i felt like shit these days.. or maybe i'm..
It was unfair of you to have condemned me that way.. what do you expect, to have me really jump off a building then you'd take me seriously?
I've nothing to gain. why should i have?
There are alot of things i feel about you, but some i'd rather leave it unsaid.
No offense that i'm entering this as my blog. this was about what have been going through my mind of late. i can't just sit back and shut up anymore.

Today sucks too..
Woke up in the morning and coughed out blood. Accumulated in my throat from the nose bleed in the middle of the night. which about means the thing i went through for my nose didn't work.
Felt better after i dropped by 7-eleven to buy this packet of M&Ms-peanuts for nessie, at least i've i can something to feel good about, to look forward to when i pass it to her.
Later in the day, much things happened.. my friendships, like my life, are almost down the drains... but never mind, i can't change that anymore. just have to move on...
And he finally messaged me again. perhaps it was all the things accumulated in a day, i kinda had the last straw. still can't believe i actually read his messages and squatted by the roadside and cried. guess i was being over-emotional or something.. whatever~!
Hate it when people ake me so vulnerable, especially him. hate it even more, when i use hostility to deal with hurts..

Didn't think of dying today though. tired of even thinking about it, no point. life's tough. i'll just have to see it as a challenge for me to keep up with it.

was studying at nessa's house today. was gona write something on this piece of rough paper when i suddenly saw these words : 'you sux'
for a moment my blood froze. maybe cos i was working too hard on my maths that i was kinda "off my mind" for awhile. i actually thought thoes words were screaming out at me, thought someone had wrote those--meant those for me.

for awhile my world seemed to reel around.
and i was again the sec2, sec3(1st yr) ger. with this group(a big group) of people outcasting me, hating me, mocking and teasing me.. almost anywhere, i can see these words: you sux, yiwen sucks, etc, etc.. they were everywhere-the black benches outside the classes of the old school, buses.. vandalisms- words shooting at me.. nightmares? no, these are real, my past.. have not thought bout these stuff since like, a long long time..

then i was the present me again. n i saw the great friends i'm having now. all the wonderful things in my life.. yea, things weren't going ok these few days.. but for awhile i was grateful, grateful for the things that i'm basking in now. how i appreciate the friends who are here, now.
how i suddenly looked forward to saturday's outing. the stuff i wana buy too.
but something happened, seems like there won't be any outing le.. don't feel like it now anyway..
the emptiness sets a mark...